The Heelers Diaries
the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet
About Me
- Name: heelers
- Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland
Wednesday, August 27, 2025
Saturday, August 02, 2025
from the heelers emails
Thursday, July 31, 2025
off the shelf old books reviewed anew
Monday, June 09, 2025
my love is like a red, red metaphor
My love for you is more pretentious
Than WB Yeats' love for Maud Gonne,
My love for you is more tendentious
Than Oscar Wilde's love for Bayonne,
My love you is more swantentious
Than a swan's love for another swan.
My love for you is richer far
Than all the riches of Bill Gates,
My love for you is more of today
Than the latest hip hop music from the United States
My love for you is more mysterious
Than the hieroglyphics of the pyramid which by the way it predates.
My love for you is more ineluctable
Than galaxy A57068943,
My love for you spins faster
Than the eternal wheel of destiny,
My love is yours for a song
Okay then, 50p.
Friday, May 23, 2025
achoooo
***********************
"My friend Anne had a scan," said my aunt.
"Oh," sez I.
"They found a shadow on her heart," sez the Ant.
"Ah," said I.
"She asked the doctor what would cause it and he muttered something about Covid and then clammed up. She thought he meant the vaccines. But he refused to say anything else. I immediately thought of you and all those things you said about the vaccines."
"We were younger Ants and nephews in those days," sez I. "For all my heroic efforts, I don't actually know of anyone who opted not to take the damn things just because of a warning from me. But I do know that Farmer Jones has just had open heart surgery. Yankee Joe has been put on heart medication for life. And Melissa Tarkington is as dead as the Dodo. And now Anne. I pleaded with them all not to take the vaccines."
"You pleaded with me too," said the Ant.
"I did Ant."
"Why would the doctor not tell Anne what he meant?"
"The doctors are getting scared. I would hazard they're seeing so many deaths from heart attacks that they realise they've been killing people with those vaccines. Nobody wants to admit quite how wrong they were or quite how monstrous this whole orchestrated virus panic debacle was."
Cousin Felicia looked up from her book.
She considers herself a scientist and can become displeased if she happens to overhear subtly stated meditations which could be adjudged when viewed in a certain light to contain vague implied criticisms of the medical establishment.
"I took the vaccines," she began, "and I got Covid. But I think if I hadn't taken the vaccines, it would have been much worse."
A faint whimsical smile played about my gentle pre Raphaelite features.
My piercing blue eyes took on a poignant look.
Contrary to popular belief, I don't lightly enter unwinnable wars
So I sipped my tea and sat back to enjoy her paean to Pfizer and Astra Zeneca and the wonders of modern science.
I have become mellow in the Summer of my life.
Perhaps it is the getting on of wisdom.
Sunday, May 18, 2025
per iter tenebricosum
Having paid a car insurance bill, I notice a little codicil on the receipt inviting me to enter an online draw for a free car.
I use my computer to access the insurance company website.
There I am asked to answer the multiple choice question "what is the capital of Portugal?" and to complete the sentence "I deserve to win a Fiat Gelatea Hybrid car because..."
After wavering a bit over London and Dublin, I choose the Lisbon option for the Portugal question, and complete the unfinished sentence thusly: "I deserve to win a Fiat Gelatea Hybrid car because I don't believe in climate change and I'm such a nice guy."
Peering over my shoulder, my personal assistant Miss Tibbs draws in her breath sharply.
"You won't win if you write that," she tuts.
"You must have a very low opinion of the moral integrity of insurance companies," I tell her, clicking the confirm icon to seal the deal.
Friday, May 02, 2025
the tower
tier upon tier she rose
up o'er puny Adam's race
to bestride the blue serene
a vaunting pillar
to the vaulting minions
that built her
and some murmured midst sweat and grease
surely the heavens
surely we shall gain
mastery sweet shall be ours
across the arid land the gold had gloomed
these words spoke and Adam's race toiled doomed