angels and devils

This in my inbox.

From: Michael Appourchaux.
For the attention of: Shamie Healy.
What's wrong with you? You send me two pressing messages in the space of a few days. Then I reply with news. And nothing back from you. I say this is somewhat baffling.
Cheers anyway.
Mickey Porkchops.

It's him bold readers.
Appershocks.
The left ham of the devil.
The ersatz star of the 1996 production of my ersatz play Vampires Of ersatz Dublin.
The man some French critics are calling "the new Depardieu."
Shamie Healy indeed.
A good one.
Nearly worthy of the master.
I'd gotten his email address from a certain Leticia Agudo who directed him in the 1996 film Shift.
And I'd dropped him a line suggesting he get in touch.
Tonight I wrote to him again.

From: Me.
To: Michael Appershocks.
Dear Sir.
I admit I wrote to you with a view to renewing old acquaintance and reminiscing harmlessly about the past.
Only I did not expect to discover your own career and accomplishments in life would have so far surpassed my own.
I can contemplate no further contact with you.
Adieu.
James Healy

When I'd sent this email, an angel from heaven appeared at my shoulder in the form of Foghorn Leghorn.
He said: "I say, I say Heelers. Look at me when I'm talking to you Heelers. I say Heelers, hold your head up there boy. I'm a gonna show you Heelers, I'm a gonna show you, what life would have been like if, if, I say if, you a hadda never existed."
I nodded grimly.
"Foghorn bloody Leghorn," I muttered. "The least I was expecting was Jimmy Stewart."