The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

today they said

THE GREEK CRISIS


Greek Woman speaking on Ireland's Stalinist state broadcaster RTE: "We do not say no to Europe. We say no to this Europe. We want a different Europe."

James Healy: "You want the Europe you lied your way into by faking your trade balance sheets. You want a Europe where you can vote for a Mafia party in government without consequences to yourselves. (The Greek Syriza goverment is allied to Ireland's terrorist IRA mafia's parliamentary proxies who style themselves Sinn Fein.) You want a Europe where the Germans pay your bills in perpetuity. Good luck with all of that."

the secret life of pope francis the blurst

Felippo Di Tomasso and Ron Genucci, the two main handlers for Pope Francis, are holding a crisis coffee break in the Vatican cantina.
A group of high ranking ultra leftist prelates in the corner, Cardinal Scherbitzki, Monsignor Steinervortzel, and Archbishop Diarmuid Martin of Dublin (we'll be fortunate indeed if they are just leftists) are playing clarinets in an obvious Star Wars homage.
The Pope's two coffee sipping power brokers are impervious to the music.
They are deep in conference.
"It's the lightning strikes!" exclaims Felippo fervently. "Every time he goes anywhere, lightning hits something. Boom. Church steeples, passing citizens, the silverware in the kitchen. It doesn't matter how many babies he kisses. In fact anyone concerned that their baby shouldn't be hit by lightning should definitely not let this Pope kiss him. This looks bad."
"I know," assents Ron. "But whatchya gonna do?"
Felippo ponders.
"We gotta play down the whole portents of evil business," he muses. "We gotta issue a press release blaming the lightning strikes around Pope Francis on... on... on...."
"...on climate change," concludes Ron in a burst of inspiration. "We'll say Pope Francis has developed his own independent weather system because of climate change. We can blame the Americans."
His friend nods.
There is a moment of convivial conspiratorial satisfaction gilded by the continuing hustle of the clarinets.
"But what about his problem with doves?" enquires Felippo breaking the spell.
 "The doves are a problem," murmurs Ron.
They are thinking about the occasion when Pope Francis released doves from the window of Saint Peter's basilica and carrion birds immediately attacked the doves.
"This would be a pickle for any Pope," sighs Felippo.
"And it's a real bitch if you're a dove," agrees Ron brilliantonelinerishly.
Ron and Felippo weigh the matter.
"It's as bad as the lightning strikes," says Ron. "Benedict and John Paul were releasing doves every five minutes and nothing ever happened to them."
"Could we blame the Americans again?" proffers Felippo  brightly. "You know. CIA doves on the prowl in Rome infiltrating the Vatican and suiciding themselves with carrion birds to make His Holiness look bad."
Ron shakes his head.
"No," he pronounces fiercely. "We need something else. Something to turn everything around. How can we turn portents of doom into reasons for  optimism in a way that even the proles won't notice?"
A penny drops.
"I've got it," cries Felippo. "We'll just let him release carrion birds from now on."

Friday, June 26, 2015

the crunch question

Well this is a rum one. For the first time in 2000 years if someone asks you with rhetorical whimsy: "Is the Pope a Catholic?" you can now answer: "No. No he isn't."

Thursday, June 25, 2015

great political predictions of our time

Bobby Jindal has just announced his intention to stand for President of the United States of America.
He will win.

pope francis omen 3

His hat just blew off.
Well it scared the hell out of me.

pope francis omen 2

When Pope Francis released a dove into Saint Peter's Square last year, carrion birds attacked the dove and began to tear her to pieces. It never happened to John Paul or Benedict's doves. I'm just saying is all.

pope francis omen 1

When Benedict was ousted and Francis was installed, lightning struck the Vatican.

confucius he say

Beware the Greeks when they come looking for hundred thousand million dollar loans merely in order to pay off a little bit of the thousand thousand million dollar loans they already owe you.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

no truth in the rumour

There is absolutely no truth in the rumour that the Vatican has approved the Wasp song Mean Man as an official hymn following Pope Francis' threat to punch out the lights of anyone who insults his mother. No hang on. That is true.

Monday, June 22, 2015

this sporting life

Pope Francis is greeting a row of special guests at the Vatican.
He comes to one distinguished looking gentleman in a Tuxedo.
The Pope: "And who are you?"
Gentleman: "Yo Yo Ma."
Pope Francis leaps at the gentleman. The two go over. There is much scuffling and kerfuffling.
Several dark suited aides intervene and separate them.
Pope Francis is still trying to get at his guest who looks nonplussed.
As the Pope struggles he mutters things like: "See you Jimmy," "I keel you gringo," and so on.
Among the dark suits, the Pope's personal secretary pleads with him to desist.
Personal Secretary: "What is it your Holiness? Why are you doing this?"
The Pope: "He insulted my mother. He did. He really did. He said: Your Mama."
Personal Secretary: "He said Yo Yo Ma, your Holiness. It's his name. He's a famous musician."
Pope Francis calms down.
But as he walks away he looks back at Yo Yo Ma who mouths "Your Mama," and the Pope runs back to him and the two go over again.
(Cut to music segment with Wasp singing Mean Man.)

today they said


President Francois Hollande of France: "The massacre of Armenians by the Turks in 1915 was genocide."

James Healy: "It was. But the massacre of the unborn by France and the export of abortion culture to the world from France through the RU486 abortion pill is a worse genocide against many many many more innocent victims. The Turks haven't attempted genocide against the Armenians in a hundred years. But Francois, your genocide against the unborn continues and grows exponentially year on year. I tell you the Jihadis will stand in judgement on us on Judgement Day for our killing of the unborn, and for our fornication, and for our sacrifices to satan, and for our euthanasias, and for our assisted suicides. Right this moment in Belgium and Luxembourg, teenagers are being suicided by doctors supposedly because the teenagers have requested such a thing. Come on Francois. Come on. If we do not stop this barbarity, God will no longer uphold our societies. The Muslims are a judgement on us now Francois. There are cosmic consequences for murdering the innocent. Eternal damnation Francois, will be far harsher than Sharia Law."

Pope Francis: "Climate Change is established science, blah, blah, blah..."

James Healy: "My analysis is that climate change is not established science. I have concerns about Pope Francis bona fides on this and other matters. For a start the manner of his election as Pope looked to me like a coup d'etat complete with interesting portents of doom, viz lightning striking the Vatican on the day, and some time later carrion birds devouring a dove which Francis had just released, blah, blah, blah. Seriously though.

Una Mullally of the Irish Times: "The passage of the Same Sex marriage referendum in Ireland represented the first time that young people took on the status quo and won."

James Healy: "The Same Sex marriage referendum was promoted, instituted and financed by atheistic pseudo elites in Ireland, none of them particularly accountable or particularly young, most notably the ageing brilliantine American IRA mafia capo billionaire Chuck Feeney along with the hagerdotal tricoteuses of the Board of the Irish Times and the decrepit residents of that clapped out somnolent conformist vomitorium known as the Irish parliament. Come on Una. We both know you love the culture of death. But at least you can admit that neither you nor Irish parliamentarians nor Chuck Feeney are focquing young. For focque sake."

Mark Steyn: (Re the murders in a church in America) "... some dweeb with a pudding bowl haircut..."

James Healy: "Always the haircut never the guns eh Steiny? I would ask you to consider that there is a possibility that this type of killing is murder by proxy. I mean that the young man was deliberately disrupted by evil people to induce him to kill."

Pope Francis: "The massacre of Armenians was the first of three genocides in the twentieth century, the others being Stalin's massacres in Russia, and Hitler's holocaust against the Jews."

James Healy: "Ah Frank, you're just trying to distract attention from your injudicious remarks last January which appeared to justify the Jihadi attacks in Paris that same month. You remember? The Jihadis murdered a bunch of people they didn't like. At the time you said that if someone pronounced a curse word against your mother, then a punch would await him. And having murdered a group of cartoonists, and then some policemen, and then some deli shoppers, the Jihadis took your words as encouragement, as a veritable endorsement of Jihad no less. From a Pope. Ho hum. Words fail me. Okay Frank. Granted re the Armenians. And Stalin. And Hitler. But your enumeration of genocides falls a bit short. What about the Abortion Genocide? Does it count. Remember you're Pope now. Or posing as one if my analysis is correct. What about the euthanasia genocide in the Netherlands? How about Pol Pot in Cambodia? A quarter of the population dead. Is that a genocide? How about Chairman Mao's tally? Sixty to a hundred million? Not a genocide in your book? What about the communist induced famines, fascist tribal wars and Islamist slaughters throughout Africa that have continued unabated since 1945? Not genocide? Caused by climate change eh? Frank, you're starting to bring the Christian religion into disrepute. Tell me Frank. Why are the most anti Catholic media groups in Europe, to wit the bankrupt Irish Times, the bankrupt Independent Newspapers group, and the bankrupt Irish broadcaster RTE, so very very very fond of you? Blah, blah, blah, etc etc."

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

could i have been right in asserting that the collapse of anglo irish bank was an ira terrorist mafia smash and grab on the nation

This week Judge Erwin Liberal at the Dublin Circuit Court of mafia trials attempted to swear in a jury to consider the case against three comparatively low level conspirators from management at Anglo Irish Bank who had played an as yet undetermined part in the IRA smash and grab on the nation which was the Anglo Irish Bank collapse.
(The smash and grab being that IRA members and their accomplices on the Board and in management at Anglo Irish Bank gave billion dollar loans to themselves and to IRA proxies running shell companies as a cover to systematically burglarise the bank through the pocketing of these astronomical loans none of them intended to repay. The money was laundered overseas by Eastern European mobsters and others.)
By the way, Judge Liberal's current non trial should not be confused with Judge Liberal's non trial last month of hugely high level IRA co conspirator Sean Fitzpatrick the former chief executive at Anglo Irish Bank who has prevented his own trial thus far by having vital parties to the trial phone in sick.
I kid you not.
Well I suppose we can all accept the legitimacy of that.
Being in a murder gang is a kind of sickness.
Now let me speak precisely for a moment without hyperbole or strangely evocative witticisms that say far more than they mean too.
In this week's non trial of the relatively low level IRA operatives from Anglo Irish Bank's management, Judge Liberal (not his professional name) received refusals from fully 44 ordinary people, that's 44 decent individuals, 44 genuine human beings, 44 honorable citizens of Ireland, (I'm serious) who refused under any circumstances to serve on this particular jury.
Their explanation?
When challenged regarding their refusal to accept jury duty, the 44 brave and noble and okay curiously cowed citizens  of Ireland, looked at their shoes and then somewhat hesitantly expressed a willingness to tell Judge Liberal their reasons for refusing to serve on his jury but only in private.
That's right.
The 44 of them insisted on privacy merely to state why they mightn't want to be involved with anything to do with a trial of the accomplices and associates of IRA super thieves from Anglo Irish Bank.
I rest my case.

best new hal roach joke ever

A man goes into the newest branch of the IRA terrorist mafia run barbershop chain in Ireland which is styled the Boston Barber Bar.
The man walks up to the counter and says: "Give me three Glock pistols, half a pound of gelignite and two used machine guns please."
And the guy behind the counter says: "There you go sir. Will that be all?"

Monday, June 15, 2015

ireland year 2014

(lines written after the commencement of yet another pogrom by pseudo liberal atheists in the media, judiciary and political sphere against the ancient beautiful and true catholic church)

it was the first day back
for the new parliament
even the prime minister was smiling
the corridor was packed
with the inane the insane and the beguiling
and all seemed right with the world
a sort of silence fell
a strange silence mid the pomp
and splendour
of parasites and parvenues
as though the abortionist throng
felt some shame
for the destruction they had wrought
and soon would wring
upon ireland
the debauching of the citizenry
the cretinisation of children
the impoverishment of generations
the persecution of the ancient faith
sundry other infamies
yes it might have been shame
but these had no shame

everybody suddenly burst out sieg heiling
they sieg heiled
and sieg heiled
and sieg heiled
oh how they sieg heiled
and hugged one another
and sieg heiled again
as though sieg heiling could somehow
change what they were
the destroyers of ireland
body and soul
they'd legalised abortion
propagated condom culture
institutionalised fornication
and criminalised the catholic church
in the eyes of our nation
through the perpetual recycling
of old child abuse cases
by bankrupt state subsidised newspaper and television groups
and through the concealment of the vast preponderance
of actual child sex abuse cases
still going on
which involve no catholics
and through the cover up
of the activities of devil worshippers
in dublin and elsewhere
particularly the satanic murder by Lorcan Bale
of a little boy called John Horgan
in the attic of the Bale family home
in 1973
a case covered up by the Irish Times the Irish Independent and RTE
for forty years
as a death in accidental circumstances
while Canadian newspapers were able to report quite explicitly
that the satanist Lorcan Bale had ritually slaughtered and crucified
a little boy called John Horgan
in the attic of the Bale family home
in 1973
like i say
there was nothing accidental about it
no accident either
in the Irish media failing to mention it
for forty years
i assure you
for cathal goan head of RTE and the Irish Language Channel
T na Satanists
was a former work colleague of Lorcan Bale's Daddy Snodgrass Bale in the civil service
i kid you not
and Lorcan Bale's Daddy had prominent links to the Irish language movement
as well as having infiltrated prayer groups in Dublin
and having written copious letters to the press
on pro life issues
all as a cover for the Bale family's satanism
i ask you
what the cops didn't even trouble to ask him
about his son's satanic altar in the Bale family garden
or his son's predilection for murder
or his son's disappearance to meetings of a coven
or his sons torture and slaughter of animals
as he readied himself to torture and slaughter a little boy
for weeks on end
such lack of concern
from the police
is hard to explain
dontchya think
free pass for the Bales
i wonder why
or how about members of the Irish Judiciary
for thirty years
repeatedly adjourning the inquest
into Lorcan Bale's slaughter of little John Horgan
in order to keep details from becoming public
or how about Irish cops failing to investigate or publicise in any way what was done
to John Horgan
or newspapers to report it
and how about Irish parliamentarians and the courts service
facilitating Lorcan Bale with a new identity
and turning him loose on the English
and facilitating the Bale family coven with a new identity
and turning them loose on the rest of us
my sources say some of them are in the aran islands
where the irish language is still spoken
and a predilection for serving satan by  killing children
is less of a stigma
than it might be anywhere else
outside of the muslim world
ho hum
so satanists killed a little boy in dublin in 1973
and to date they've gotten clean away with it
1973 was a bit of a beano year for them
of course
as has been each year since
irish cops remain determined to do nothing
about Lorcan Bale and his family
sacrificing children to satan
what was the secret of the Bale family's influence
over the politicians, the cops, the judges and the press
IRA members perhaps
it would explain a lot
or just a satanic paedophile ring at the upper echelons
of what passes for high society
in ireland
and i tell you
irish cops remain determined to do nothing
either way
just as they remain determined to do nothing
about the Dalkey devil worship ring
which included police officers
and taxi drivers
all readily identifiable
as they wander round dublin today
and which serially raped and twice impregnated
eleven year old cynthia owen
and murdered both her babies
back in 1973
that big year for satanists in ireland
remember
not so big for their victims
and so it goes on
as yet another satan worshipping coven
has turned up at Naas Hospital
Naas hospital more correctly understood
as a charnel house
than a hospital
for Nurse Mulholland liked to kill patients on the wards
having terrorised them first
with the assistance of the security staff
maybe
who knows
and other as yet unknown devil worshippers
in the Naas hospital coven
and all the cops charged Mulholland with
all they charged her with
i tells ee
for her two known barbaric slaughterous murders
of innocent human beings
whom she sacrificed on the wards
to satan
was assault causing bodily harm
hoo baby
i suppose death is a kind of assault and does cause harm
i mean it is fairly harmful isn't it
all concealed
move along quickly now
all concealed
no jihad here
never mind satanism
all concealed
by all the sieg heilers
oh everybody sieg heiled
as they invented new crimes
to stampede the people from the catholic church
the only power in the land
that might have saved their souls
or given them a vocabulary to know what was happening
everybody sieg heiled
as the pseudo elites of atheistic judiciary faux academia and allied media
fashioned an interpretation
of the symphysiotomy medical procedure
which had formerly been considered a safer alternative
in irish hospitals
for pregnant women
to caesarian sections
but was now being attributed
falsely maliciously and malignly
by the sieg heilers
to the catholic church's concerns
about contraceptive culture
it was a safer bloody alternative
to Nurse Mulholland
i can tell you
oh everybody sieg heiled
and then sued the catholic church
money for jam they thought
where's the harm in profiting
from the vilification of heroes
from the destruction of all that is good
in propheting as prime minister enda kenny might say
from the murder of reputations
everybody sieg heiled
then sued the church again
on yet more specious grounds
for not looking after
indigent women well enough
in magdalen laundries
when nobody else in ireland
was looking after
indigent women
at all
oh everybody sieg heiled
they really had a ball
as Finance Minister Ruairi Quinn
seized catholic church run schools
and handed them over to
his nice sieg heiling marxian atheistic friends
while seizing 20 billion dollars
of public funds
to bail out his brother Lochlainn Quinn's
collapsed gangster bank AIB
and shaking down ageing priests and nuns
in old folks homes
to pay limitless sums of money
to anyone claiming to have been sexually abused
and their lawyers of course
of course
of course
everybody sieg heiled
and Justice Minister Alan Shatter
sieg heiled most of all
as he furthered the pogrom
against the church
with a kristalnacht of his own
introducing legislation
against the catholic ritual of confession
legislation that neither hitler nor stalin
ever dared
stoop to
too low for hitler and stalin
not to low for Alan Shatter
and at the same time
this same Alan Shatter
this corrupt venal Alan Shatter
soon forced to resign for his cover ups of police corruption
yeah that's the Alan Shatter I mean
the one who drew a severance fee
higher than the annual salary of the president of russia
for getting fired from a job he was too corrupt to do
in the first place
the one and only Alan Shatter ya might say
just before he was fired
attempted to restrict free speech
on the internet
because
because
because

because of me

in all modesty

everybody sieg heiled
their sieg heiling rose above the roof tops
of my beautiful ireland
into the purple night
and above the ocean opalescent blue
and above the verdurous green mountains
drenched with dewy balm
their sieg heiling rose like a new anthem
distracting themselves and the irish people
from imminent damnation
oh everybody sieg heiled
it was all such fun
everybody sieg heiled
their sieg heiling will never be done