The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

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Tuesday, May 26, 2015

dawn becomes eclectic

Morning at Ireland's Reichastag parliament.
Bright sunshine bathes the venerable stonework.
Freshly ironed swastikas flutter on the breeze.
The Eagle Has Landed music is playing over the public address system.
All seems right with the world.
Behind closed doors in the oak lined cabinet room, Fuhrer Enda Kenny is meeting with his government ministers.
The Fuhrer is bedecked in his usual Nazi regalia with the armband and the brownshirt and the little moustache.
His fellow Ministers are all encased in Dalek costumes,
The mood is upbeat.
Just Titz Minister Eamon Gilmore is speaking.
"You haff won again Mein Fuhrer. Ze Catholics have been sent reeling backwards. You haff convinced this conformist Paddy Whack nation that it is an act of caring to say to a group of people that you don't care what they do, that you don't cafe if what they do damages themselves, that you don't care if what they do damages society and that you don't care if they refer to mutual masturbation as a marriage. Sheer genius Mein Fuhrer. Vee haff made not caring into the ultimate act of compassion. Ze cravens are bowing before you. Vee haff conquered thought. Soon ze whole world vill be ourrrssss."
The Fuhrer smiles modestly.
"Ze proles vere alvays going to vote to be called nice guys by ze Irish Times," he muses.
The room rings briefly with sieg heils from the exultant Daleks.
Their enthusiasm communicates.
Soon the Fuhrer is sieg heiling too.
A tea lady enters and her tray is sieg heiled out of her hands.
The Fuhrer is now jack booting around the rooom.
A cat runs across his path and is lifted into the air by an incidental kick, her "meowrrrrrrr" at impact blending melliflously with the music of the sieg heils.
Government Ministers somewhat inihibited by being encased in Dalek costumes, still manage to trundle enthusiastically around the room, colliding with each other now and again, and occasionally driving over the Fuhrer's toes, but never ceasing to chant: "Sieg heil, sieg heil, sieg heil."
It's all very thought provoking.
Presently the fun stops.
A sober look creases Enda Kenny's luminous visage.
"Heelers vill not bow," he murmurs thoughtfully, limping back to his seat.
The other Daleks become incensed and begin to chant mechanically: "Exterminate the Heeler, exterminate, exterminate."
The Fuhrer silences them with a wave of his hair.
"No," he proclaims, "for ze culture of death to truly bloom vee must focus on first things first. First vee come for ze unborn. And the peasants will let us do it because they are not unborn. Then vee vill come for ze old and ze infirm. And ze peasants vill let us do that because most of zem are not themselves old or infirm. Zen vee come for ze suicidal and ze depressed and ze merely sad, and ze ones foolish enough to admit zemselves to our hospitals like is happening already in Belgium, ze Netherlands and Luxembourg, and ze Irish vill let us do zat because by zen zey vill be beyond caring. And zen only zen, vill vee come for Heelers."
The Fuhrer looks around the room expecting cheers.
There are none.
Most of the Nazis would not be averse to starting with Heelers.
It is an awkward moment.
"You can cheer now," prompts Enda Kenny mildly.
The Daleks get the message and take up their chant with renewed vigour.
"Exterminate the babies, exterminate the elderly, exterminate the depressed, exterminate, exterminate, exterminate."

Saturday, May 23, 2015

considerations re pope francis

1. The resignation of Pope Benedict two years ago was in my opinion a coup d'etat. Popes don't resign. We had Pope John Paul the Great leading us through the worst years of the recent Culture Wars against Christianity in Western Europe and we hung on to him even when the irreligious Media and their political fellow travellers, were insisting that he was too debilitated by age and illness to lead us; We hung on to him as Pope I say, just so the world might understand that reverence for old age is no burden and that the elderly, whether neighbours, friends, brothers, sisters, grandads, invalids or Popes, are always a mystical and eternal gift. I say it again. Popes don't resign. The few exceptions in history only reinforce the rule. I suggest that Benedict was forced from office through a contrived series of pressures, ie basically by his Prime Minister and Cabinet not doing their job. There was lots of nonsense talk about Gay Mafias in the Vatican which was quietly let die after Benedict resigned. Smells of an orchestration of pressure. There was the arrest of Benedict's valet for supposedly leaking documents to the press. An 85 year old man's valet would be something of a confidante. The loss would be keenly felt. I believe these and other events may have been contrived to propel Pope Benedict into resigning.

2. When Bergoglio of Argentina was installed as Benedict's successor, with the name Pope Francis, lightning struck the Vatican. At first I thought the talk of a lightning strike was internet sensationalism. But the lightning was witnessed and photographed and we must accept it happened. Such things may mean nothing. But there is no tradition in Christianity for interpreting lightning striking a church as a good sign. Traditionally a lightning strike on a church may be taken to symbolise an expression of Satan's contempt at a time when Satan believes he has obtained a victory over Christianity. Some decades ago, the Anglican Christians of England appointed a Bishop in Durham. At his appointment part of Durham Cathedral was demolished by lightning. The Bishop of Durham later showed his hand by declaring: "Easter is a conjuring trick with bones." I think we may have one of those at the head of the Catholic Church now.

3. Pope John Paul the Great and Pope Benedict were in the habit of releasing doves over the crowds in Saint Peter's Square. It was a cutesy gesture with the doves occasionally going off message, flying back into the Pope's bedroom or landing on his head or whatever. Pope Francis released a dove from his window, and carrion birds immediately attacked the dove. Pope Francis now restricts himself to releasing balloons. The birds attacking Pope Francis dove, like the lightning strike, may mean nothing. But it's not a good sign.

4. In Buenos Aires, Argentina, a few years ago, there occurred what is claimed to have been a modern eucharistic miracle when communion bread became visible as human flesh. There have been such claims before but they are comparatively rare in recent centuries. I must explain that Catholics make an act of faith that blessed bread truly becomes the body and blood of Jesus Christ during the Communion ritual at our Mass ceremony. We consider this to be a daily miracle. There have been occasions in Church history, often as a priest was supposedly doubting the true presence of Jesus in Communion bread, when the bread became visibly human flesh and blood. These incidences have been investigated, some are Church approved and some are preserved and referred to as Eucharistic  Miracles. The Church has permitted belief in such visible eucharistic miracles but she has never required that any Christian believe in them, (The distinction I'm making here is that although the Catholic Church does proclaim consistently that the bread at Communion literally and miraculously becomes the body and blood of Jesus and we are enjoined to try and believe it, our Church does not make it an article of faith that anyone accept the real presence has ever been made visible in claimed eucharistic miracles by the bread actually being visibly seen as meat.) The modern case in Buenos Aires occurred under the jurisdiction of Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio. It was investigated by doctors who declared that the substance they were testing was heart muscle. This modern eucharistic miracle in Buenos Aires meant that Bergoglio became known overnight to every Catholic Church Cardinal on the planet. The Cardinals elect the Pope. I am suggesting that the eucharistic miracle of Buenos Aires may have been staged to promote the reputation among Cardinal electors, of the man whom they would later appoint Pope Francis. I would add that I myself became aware of the Buenos Aires eucharistic miracle when it was being talked up by an expatriate native of my home town who is a self described Charismatic Christian called Doctor Joe McKenna. I would note that Doctor Joe Mckenna's father is Pat McKenna who is described on his gravestone in Kilcullen cemetery, as "Northern Brigade Commander of the IRA." Doctor Joe MacKenna's sister Breda MacKenna also presents herself on her occasional visits to Kilcullen as a Charismatic Christian. She has a particular spiel about being "on fire with love for the Catholic Church." Such characters showing up as champions of the genuineness of Bergoglio's supposed eucharistic miracle may not discredit the miracle itself. But they're not a good sign.

5. After taking office, Pope Francis announced that he would name the deceased 1960's  Pope John a saint along with our more recent Pope John Paul the Great. Pope John Paul the Great was well along the road to sainthood anyway with attested miracles through his intercession with God being claimed by various people. There was also a most exraordinary moment at his funeral when his coffin was held in the air before the crowd in Saint Peter's Square and a shaft of sunlight broke through the clouds right at the moment of elevation to illumine the coffin. President George Bush, Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice and another senior South American politician claim to have seen this happen. Pope John Paul the Great was a monumentally well loved Pope and calls for his naming as a saint began as soon as he died with Italian mourners chanting: "Santo subito,,, a saint immediately." Conversely there was no real widespread or popular impetus beyond left wing factions for the process of sainthood for Pope John, who is indeed very popular with liberal leftists but unremembered by everyone else. No miracle has been attributed to Pope John's intercession. Pope Francis has got around the miracle requirement simply by cancelling the requirement for a miracle in the nomination of a saint. I believe Pope Francis naming of Pope John as a saint is a political gesture to left wing infiltrators of the Church. I would add that I don't accept Pope John ever really was a leftist but indubitably leftists have attempted to seize his reputation and to interpret him as one of their own.

6.Pope Francis has also laid aside the requirement for a miracle in naming as a saint another hero to the leftists, the deceased El Salvardoran Archbishop Oscar Romero. Archbishop Romero was murdered in El Salvador in the 1980's. I doubt he is a saint in any sense beyond being a hero to left wingers.

7. Pope Francis visited an Immigration Centre on the island of Lampedusa several months ago. During that visit he called for humanitarian treatment of refugees. Unfortunately his call led Italian authorities to simply cease to enforce immigration law, creating a free for all rush on the Southern Boarders of Europe. I am saying specifically, that following Pope Francis' visit to Lampedusa, people traffickers were inspired by the Pope's words to adopt the novel strategy of directing boat loads of refugees towards the Italian coast, radioing the Italian coastguard, and saying: "We're abandoning ship. It's your fault if the people die." I am suggesting that Pope Francis single handedly while appearing to act compassionately, has unleashed a full scale people traffickers assault on Southern Europe and caused the deaths by drowning of thousands of people.

8. I disagree with Pope Francis vis a vis his opposition to the death penalty and I think he is incorrect in claiming his opposition to the death penalty is mandated by the Christian tradition.

9.  Soon after taking office Pope Francis appeared to pull the rug from under the Pro Life Movement regarding the sanctity of the lives of unborn children. I don't think this was a mistake. I think it was deliberate and is a measure of the man.

10. When Muslim murderers slaughtered fifteen people in a newspaper office in Paris two months ago, Pope Francis appeared to justify the Muslim attack commenting as follows: "If Doctor Gaspari here, a good friend, pronounces a curse word against my mother, then a punch awaits him." In two thousand years of Christianity, I don't think we've ever had such a vertent or inadvertent justification for Islamism from a Pope. I think it may be a bad sign.

Thursday, May 21, 2015


regent moon riding
through fields flung open wide
like a kingdom god intended
just for me to step inside

riches now a trifle
faint remembered care
in the warm wind's ruffle
by the light of a thousand stars

now saw i the universe
now felt i at peace
till i saw two lovers kissing
by the gateway to the fields

their faces drank the moonlight
their eyes outshone the stars
and waning in my heart i knew
the universe is theirs

i'll walk no more the night time
nor watch where two caress
a moment holding everything
a lifetime nothingness

round two with frau gru

Morning in the world and the Tearman Cafe.
As if by magic, Frau Gruber materialised.
"James," she challenged. "You told me that you sincerely believed there was no happiness in sexual relationships between people of the same gender. Well I know you are wrong. I have a cousin and she has been married to someone of the same gender for twenty years and she is very happy."
I paused over the minestrone to better weigh her words.
"How many times have you seen your cousin in the last ten years?" I asked.
"I, I, er, five times," she shot back.
"I don't think you know whether your cousin is happy or not," I said softly, "but you should ring her. Ring her at least once a week for the rest of your life. Enjoy ringing her. listen to her. Give her guidance sometimes. Develop a friendship with her. Tell her about your conversations with nutty old me. Invite her to Ireland for visits. But be genuinely in her life. That's caring. That's compassion. Redefining marriage is nothing. It may give you a warm glow and a feeling of superiority but you've done nothing. To do something for someone you must be in their lives. You can't be in everyone's life. But you can be in at least one person's. Be in your cousin's life. Make the effort. From today and for the rest of your life. Thank you for your time."

today they said

Kathy Sheridan (Irish Times contributor): "Where is the God of compassion for all those Christians voting against Gay Marriage?"

James Healy: "You see Kathy, I don't think it's compassionate to ignore the sexual disruptions a generation are experiencing through present day pornography culture and to pretend that same sex orientations are naturally occurring in the person. Nor is it compassionate to pretend you speak for everyone and are the possessor of complete truth in this or any other regard when a great many people who consider themselves homosexual disagree with you on this and other matters. Nor is it compassionate in the present case to ignore the potential causes of sexual disruption among humans arising from chemical pollutants in the environment, as well as sterilising hormones leeching into the water table from contraceptive users urine, and other possibly orientation affecting substances entering the food chain via farmers' use of growth promoters in cattle, chickens and sheep. These things certainly affect the human organism Kathy. But no one, not me, and not even the Irish Times, has yet explained precisely why some of us are attracted to people of the same sex. Have a word with your colleague Katherine Holmquist who wrote a few years ago that the sexuality of persons is a moveable feast. Has Katherine changed her view to match your paper's current editorial line? Are you sure you are qualified to define compassion?"

Gabriel Byrne (actor): "I was deeply affected by the homophobic murder of Declan Flynn, a young gay man in Fairview Park in 1981."

James Healy: You see Gabriel, Dublin thugs have been beating people to a pulp and to death routinely in Dublin parks and elsewhere for the past fifty years. It was always a standard strategy for Dublin thugs to claim they were out "queer bashing" in order to obtain get out of jail free cards from corrupt Irish judges. The problem of Dublin thugs randomly targetting people and corrupt IRA gangland judges releasing those thugs without a jail sentence is obscene and ongoing. We had two teenagers beaten and stabbed in a park in Lucan yesterday. I hope Gabriel that you obtained Mr Flynn's family's approval for your claim that he was homosexual. I hope other media groups bandying his name about have done the same. I do not agree with you that the four murderers who killed him did so because they knew his sexual orientation. Those four murderers had spent their youth beating people to a pulp in Fairview Park and continued to do so afterwards. I would have preferred Gabriel if you and the media groups seeking to use Mr Flynn's death to advance your agendas, had named instead the four murderers who slaughtered him and the Judge Liberal who turned them loose on the rest of us. I would have liked to see some follow up stories about the lives those four Dublin murderers have led since their slaughter of a young man in Fairview Park all those years ago. But ah. That would have required real courage. Real compassion too Gabriel."

Mary MacAleese (Feminist, socialist, former President of Ireland): "I knew my son was gay when at the age of seven he asked me for a vacuum cleaner for Christmas."

James Healy: "No you didn't Mary."

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

top ten reasons to vote no in ireland's same sex marriage referendum

1. The referendum is being used by Ireland's current Fine Gael Labour Party government to distract attention from its dismal performance in office. More specifically I am asserting that through this referendum, the Fine Gael Labour Party combo is attempting to distract public attention from the following near cosmic incompetencies: From the government's legalisation of abortion after an explicit pre election promise not to legalise abortion, from the government's continued bail out of IRA shell bank Anglo Irish throwing good billions after bad to conceal the Rah's theft of the nation, from the government's failure to progress any legal action whatsover against its own infamously corrupt Minister for Justice Alan Shatter recently fired for colluding with a corrupt Chief of Police in covering up police corruption (I mean I don't want to go casting no aspoyshuns), from the government's facilitating through Fine Gael Councillor John McCartin of IRA businessman Sean Quinn in regaining control of IRA proxy companies that Sean Quinn had used to bankrupt Ireland through illegal billion dollar loans from IRA controlled shell bank Anglo Irish, from the behaviour of Minister Phil Hogan groping seventy year old women's bottoms at golf do's, from the failure of the government to charge white collar criminal Denis O'Brien regarding his bribery of former Fine Gael Minister Michael Lowry, from the government's acquiescence to white collar criminal Denis O'Brien's seizure of overall control at Independent Newspapers, from the government's cancellation of Independent Newspapers half billion dollar debt at Allied Irish Bank (note: not Anglo Irish, this is a separate corrupt bank entirely), from the government's corrupt purchase of the bankrupt Allied Irish Bank on whose board was sitting billionaire Lochlainn Quinn the brother of government Minister at the time Ruairi Quinn, from the debacle of corruptions surrounding Fine Gael's establishment of a new Water Corporation, from the government's attempts to price gouge through the recession by inventing new taxes on householders, from the government's payment of exponential salaries to its corrupt advisers, from the government's failure to end Judge Liberal's get out of jail free card justice system for murderers and rackateers, from the government's failure to address the rise of the IRA as a nationwide mafia apportioning Irish towns and villages as fiefdoms with Chinese Triads, Al Qaeda, Nigerian Gangstahs, Cosa Nostra, the Russian mob and other ever more vicious eastern European gangs, from the government's failure to end Islamist people trafficking activities into our country, from the government's failure to address the drug dealers targetting every school in Ireland with their poisons in an attempt to replace the 600 known dead Irish addicts a year with new younger addicts, from the government's attempt to conceal the 600 known deaths from suicide each year in Ireland by reclassifying suicide in neutral terminology that will hide what has happening, from the government's appointment of a wimminy insider as Chief Of Police having promised to appoint a Chief Of Police from outside the ranks of the Force in order to cope with Ireland's individually and insitutionally corrupt Police Force, from the government's policy of moving Corrupt Chiefs to new precincts rather than firing them, from the government's use of the police as a militia against the general public in Roscommon who were seeking to continue availing of their historic turf cutting rights as they had done for centuries but who were being forbidden to do so having fallen foul of some European Union tree hugger's codicil, from all of this and more the government is seeking to distract your attention through a groovy and frivolous referendum on Same Sex Marriage.

2. Demand for the referendum was contrived and promoted by IRA supporting American billionaire Chuck Feeney. The little Rah men have discovered gay rights. Come on now folks. Come on. What are THEY distracting us from?

3. A significant number of people who consider themselves attracted to people of the same sex, are opposed to this referendum.

4. I believe there is no happiness in a sexual relationship with a person of the same sex. I believe that there is no happiness in referring to such a relationship as marriage.

5. The famously anti Catholic pro Bolshevick atheistic abortionist Irish Times favours a Yes vote in this referendum. As does the bankrupt (morally and financially) Independent Newspapers group. And as does the Stalinist State broadcaster RTE, These people are reliably wrong about everything

6. Redefining marriage is not in itself a caring act. Caring means befriending people and including them in your life. It does not meaning endorsing their behaviour from afar. This referendum is gesture politics. Worse. It's gesture caring.

7. Contrary to what is being implied, many people who consider themselves attracted to people of the same sex, later decide they are not. The singer Tom Robinson produced a brilliant, poetic, passionate song in the 1980's called "Sing if you're glad to be gay." It's nearly as good as his War Baby and Atmosphere. Tommy Robinson changed his mind about being attracted to people of the same sex and is currently married to a woman. They have children. Lots of people who sang his song died of the big disease with a little name.

8. Scientists are observing a feminisation of males and a masculinisation of females in the animal kingdom. The process seems to have been underway for fifty years. The cause may be industrial pollutant chemicals in the environment or it may be female growth hormones entering the water table as excreted by people who have been using contraceptive pills. The masculinisation of females and feminisation of males among humans may have similar causes.

9. I am also suggesting that the bombardment style sex culture which has invaded human discourse, through films, advertising, music and new media, is also profoundly disruptive to human sexuality. No generation of young people has been exposed to the level of sexual stimuli that is being inflicted on young people today. Redefining marriage, rather than addressing the pornogrification of the sexualities of a generation, is false compassion.

10. Referring to mutual masturbation as marriage will not make a single person on the planet happier.

Monday, May 18, 2015

no truth in the rumour

There is no truth in the rumour that the exploitation movie Maniac Cop was based on a corrupt skanger cop that the Irish police force inflicted on my town for fifteen years.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

de re publica

Denis O'Brien is the billionaire who has recently taken control of Independent Newspapers. I ask you to consider the following which may be of relevance to the continued existence of Ireland as a democracy with even vestigial traces of the rule of law.

1. Denis O'Brien's billion dollar fortune was founded on a bribe to famously corrupt Fine Gael government Minister Michael Lowry who gave Denis O'Brien Irish mobile phone service provision contracts for a few million dollars when the things should have cost a few billion.

2. A Judicial enquiry has confirmed the criminal behaviour of Denis O'Brien in this matter.

3. The present Fine Gael government has refused to take any action against Denis O'Brien who has a substantial and ongoing relationship with the Fine Gael political party.

4. Denis O'Brien has every day for the past three years published adulatory articles and photographs of Irish Prime Minister Enda Kenny in the bankrupt Irish Independent newspaper which Denis O'Brien now controls.

5. Fine Gael Prime Minister Enda Kenny has nationalised bankrupt gangster bank Allied Irish Bank using public money. This worthless newly nationalised entity has following nationalisation cancelled half a billion dollars of Independent Newspapers debts. This is the only reason Denis O'Brien's bankrupt Irish Independent newspaper is still trading. By the way, a senior board member of the worthless Allied Irish Banks at time of nationalisation was Lochlainn Quinn the billionaire brother of Enda Kenny's then fellow government Minister Ruairi Quinn. Both socialist Quinns are cousins of billionaire supermarket owner Fergal Quinn. Isn't socialism great? All those billionaires. And all those Quinns. And not a whiff of the Rah. (Read on.)

6. Denis O'Brien is currently suing the Irish National broadcaster RTE to prevent RTE broadcasting a documentary on Denis O'Brien's criminal collusion with Fine Gael in the purchase of a company called Siteserv from yet another collapsed gangster bank this time the IRA shell bank styled Anglo Irish Bank. (There they are!)

7. Denis O'Brien is currently embroiled in scandals in America regarding his contributions (ie bribes) to Bill and Hillary Clinton.

8. Denis O'Brien is further implicated in corruption in the Carribean where he obtained mobile phone service contracts for the nation of Haiti no less by again bribing Bill and Hillary Clinton who were involved in reconstruction work there following the Haitian earthquake of 2005. It's an ill wind that blows nobody any good, eh Denis? One man's earthquake is another man's chance to repeat the bribe to Michaael Lowry, eh. Eh? What's the matter, cat got your crotch? And so on.

9. I call on the Irish people to jail Denis O'Brien and seize his assets. (I mean the money he has stolen from all of us through his initial bribe to Michael Lowry.)

10. That's all.

no truth in the rumour

There is absolutely no truth in the rumour that Ireland's national anthem is about to be changed to Gangstah Paradise. No. Hang on. That is true.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

poem and parody

by Joyce Kilmer

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the earth's sweet flowing breast;

A tree that looks at God all day
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain,
Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me
But only God can make a tree.


by James Healy

Stephen hawking approached in mellow mood
With cries of "hey" and "whassup dude"
He bid me sit and listen hence
To his latest gems of intelligence
"We're genes and chemistry, that is all.
Richard Dawkins is on the ball.
He's pulled the plug, he's called God's bluff.
We're not spirits, we are stuff.
And consequently we're also free
To indulge in ceaseless pagan orgies."
He continued a while in manner crude
Before bidding me a merry: "See ya dude."
And I was left to contemplate
The wilful ignorance of the atheistic state.
Orgies are made by fools like Richard Dawkins
But only God can make a Stephen Hawking.

best old hal roach joke in history

This guy goes into the Boston Barbershop Company a newly established network of salons in Ireland.
He says: "One haircut please."
The barber says: "I'm sorry sir, we don't do haircuts here."
The guy says: "Okay give me a shave."
The barber tells him: "I'm sorry sir, we don't do shaves here."
And the guy says: "How about a hairwash?"
The barber replies: "We don't do hairwashes here either, sir."
The guy says: "Well what do you do?"
The barber answers: "We're fronting for the IRA."
And the guy says: "Oh."

poem and parody

First Fig
by Edna St Vincent Millay

My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes and oh, my friends -
It gives a lovely light.


The Rah Man's Lament
by James Healy

my stick of dynamite burns at both ends 
it will not last the night
but i have infiltrated the irish trade union movement
and judiciary
and cops
and commercial and property sectors of the irish economy
and now parliament
so I do not give a shite

heelers debates concita gonzalez

"Concita, you don't have the power by the way you vote to make everyone who considers themselves attracted to people of the same sex happy. But you do have the power to make one person who considers themselves attracted to people of the same sex happy. You haven't phoned your sister in ten years, Get up off your fat arse and phone your sister. Light a f--king candle. Join the forces of good."
"Heelers the only reason you're against Gay Marriage is because you are a repressed homsexual. That's all there is to it."
Well well well bold readers.
The little Spanish okapi.
And I thought she was in love with me.

heelers debates his feminist cousin pauline

Ireland's greatest living poet ensconced with a scone in the Tearman Cafe.
My organic food store managing feminist cousin Pauline passes through the cafe on a mission involving Kumquats.
"You see James," she calls back, "I just don't understand why people of faith have to care what anyone else does."
My gentle preraphaelite features wizened a bit.
I was toying with saying: Maybe we should just deprive people of faith their right to say anything at all about anything, like those lovable progressive goons of Stalinism, Maoism, Hitlerism and Jihad have already done in the liberal paradises on earth that they have so successfully created.
But I didn't say it.
Instead I said: "Pauline, do you really want to discuss this with me?"
She smiled brightly.
"No," she said and disappeared.

heelers debates frau gruber

Tearman Cafe morning.
Frau Gruber golds into the cafe and sits opposite me.
"How are you voting James?" she demands.
"You know how I'm voting," I answer.
"You're voting yes."
"I'm voting no, you big Kraut."
"But, but why?"
"Because I don't honestly believe that any human being can find happiness in a sexual relationship with a person of the same gender. And I don't honestly believe that referring to same sex sexual relationships as marriage will make any human being in Ireland or on the planet even a tad happier."
Frau Gruber digested this briefly and then spent the next half hour exclaiming: "How do you know?" with great Teutonic verve and what can only be called righteous gusto.
It was amazing how many synonyms she had for: "How do you know?"
"How do you know? How can you know? How can you be sure of anything? Who knows? What is known about anything? What is known about anything that another person experiences as happiness? How can you be sure? What right have you to be sure? What right have you to know? If someone wants to do something what right have to tell them not to? If someone wants to do something how can you know they shouldn't?"
And so on.
The upshot of it seemed to be that she did not for a second believe I knew or had a right to know, anything about anything.
When she paused, I spoke softly.
"I didn't say I know," I told her, "I said, I think. This is my opinion. It's the best I can do. If for some reason you have already found opinions of mine to be worthy of respect, perhaps you should weight this one carefully. Otherwise, why worry?"
Ah yes folks.
The argomento ad James is a wise man.
It's surprising how unconvincing people find it.

heelers debates a leaflet

Sitting in the Tearman Cafe quaffing a coffee and struggling manfully with the battered sausage.
My eye falls on a brightly coloured leaflet urging Irish people to vote Yes in our forthcoming referendum on Same Sex marriage.
The referendum has come about because a political pseudo elite wishes to distract Irish people from the real issues affecting our country.
Instead of dealing with economic collapse, the rise of the mafias, and Jihadi immigration, our government has forced us to consider a purely frivolous campaign to deem Same Sex sexual relationships as marriages.
Someone has left the leaflet advocating this nonsense on my table.
The leaflet features a photo of a congenial looking fellow styling himself Pat Carey and proclaiming: "I think we are a more gentle and kind society. A Yes vote will help us along that road."
I quickly jot a few statistics beside Pat Carey's assertion about Ireland being more gentle and kind today than it was before.
I write on the leaflet: "There are 600 suicides in Ireland every year according to official figures. There are 600 deaths among drug addicts in Ireland every year. There are 100 known mob killings in Ireland every year. The IRA, and its associated mafias Al Qaeda, the Chinese Triads, the Nigerian gangstahs, Cosa Nostra and the new Eastern European thug gangs from Russia, Ukraine and the Baltics, have been dividing Ireland up into personal fiefdoms. How dare you suggest this Ireland is more gentle or kind than any that came before. How dare you Pat Carey."
This was vintage Heelers compassion.
Gentle Kind. But with a certain edge. And with a humble awareness that the present generation in Ireland is not entitled to stand in judgement on those who came before.
The Fine Gaelers would throw a tin of lubricant at Pat Carey and tell him: "Yeah sure, call that a marriage."
I'd be trying to help him be a better person by honestly responding to what he is saying.
I turned over the leaflet.
The far side consisted of a number of bullet points advocating a Yes vote in the referendum.
I wrote my humble replies to each assertion.
Below you see Pat Carey's leaflet assertions in red and my jotted replies after each one.

First Pat Carey asserted: "This referendum is about real people and real families. It's about people that we know; our family members, friends, neighbours and colleagues."
I wrote in answer: "No. This referendum is about distracting Ireland from the utter incompetence and corruption of Fine Gael in government. There was no broad public demand for it. Fine Gael sprang this on the country to distract from Fine Gael's imminent demise as a political party. I would suggest that the referendum is also about caving in to the lobbying power of American billionaire IRA financier Chuck Feeny who has sponsored the creation in Ireland of self styled advocacy groups promoting the notion of Same Sex Marriage. I ask you. Imagine letting a bunch of bigoted, knee capping, drug dealing, people trafficking, clapped out marxian c--ts tell us what marriage is, Chuckie R Law indeed."
Pat Carey's next point read: "Irish people are fair minded, welcoming and confident. Voting Yes will ensure that everyone in our families is protected by the Constitution."
I wrote in reply: "Just like in Thailand, that other anti Catholic bastion of Children's Rights where compulsory Same Sex activity is considered a necessary stage of development for quick promotion within the family brothel business."
Pat Carey's leaflet continued: "Voting Yes will take from no one. Allowing lesbian and gay couples to marry will not affect any other marriage or family."
I wrote under that: "It will define as marriage something that isn't marriage."
Pat Carey next argued: "While civil partnership has provided much needed recognition for lesbian and gay couples, it falls short of full constitutional equality. Having a separate and lesser institution sends a clear message that lesbian and gay people are not equally valued."
I answered: "The message it sends is that marriage is a life long relationship between a man and a woman."
Pat Carey then stated: "This referendum relates to civil marriage in a registry office, not religious marriage. Churches cannot be forced to marry anyone and will not be affected in any way."
I countered by referring to recent newspaper stories: "Churches will be forced to do the ceremonies just as bakeries are already being forced to bake the cakes."
Pat Carey added: "A Yes vote stengthens marriage, protects eveyone in all our families. A Yes vote is a vote for family values."
I answered: "IRA family values. F--k me pink."

in time of the breaking of nations

Political Prediction

The corrupt cosmically incompetent Fine Gael political party will be wiped out at the next Irish election. Sinn Fein (the party of the IRA mafia) will take power. These are dark days for Ireland. Between Fine Gael and Sinn Fein IRA, I don't honestly know which is worse. Which would you prefer? Party boys who believe in nothing? Or Murderers who at least believe in their right to murder and enslave Ireland? And tell me. Which is which?

the crunch question

Question: Why is Ireland's Fine Gael, Labour Party government so eager to relabel same sex sexual activity as marriage? Is it because Fine Gael is a caring compassionate group of people who wish to show their love for those consider themselves attracted to people of the same sex?

Answer: No. It's because Fine Gael much prefers discussing how compassionate it is than discussing its own corruption and incompetence vis a vis the break down of law and order in Ireland and the rise of the IRA as a nationwide drug dealing people trafficking mafia.

lies damned lies and the irish times

The Irish Times has published a front page headine implying that 70 percent of the Irish people will vote in favour of same sex marriage.
Closer scrutiny of the Irish Times article reveals that the actual figure contained in their opinion poll (jerrymandered upwards anyway I assure you) shows only five out of ten people questioned said they intended to vote for same sex marriage.
Five out of ten.
Not seven out of ten.
The seven out of ten lie was justified by ye olde accountancy trick of excluding from the figures those who had called themselves undecided.
Bear in mind that over the past two decades Irish Times opinion polls advocating abortion always falsely claimed that the majority of Irish people would vote for abortion.
We never did.
At national referendums, the Irish people twice demonstrated the malicious mendaciousness of the Irish Times and its opinion polls by voting to reject abotion.
Of course the abortion of unborn children has this year been legalised in Ireland by the Fine Gael political party without consulting the people through a referendum.
Apparently referendums are now the preserve of those advocating the radical redefinition of marriage.
And of course Fine Gael had expressly promised prior to election not to legalise abortion.
They hadn't even mentioned same sex marriage.
The present Irish Times polls advocating same sex marriage are false too.
As false as a Fine Gaeler promise.
And their headlines are beyond false.
It is time to take out the trash, ie to stop Fine Gael subsidising the Irish Times with my money.

an open letter to american billionaire ira supporter chuck feeney

Ooh Ahhh Up The Same Sex Marriage

Dear Chuck.
It has been brought to my attention that you have been funding the mafioso people trafficking drug dealing IRA as welll as an associated campaign to promote same sex marriage in Ireland.
Please stop doing both of these things.
We Irish can sort out our own problems.
Thank you for your time.
James Healy


(The following article has been rejected for publication by the Bridge magazine apparently on the grounds that a Rah man might be somebody's mother.)

(James Healy asks the question and answers it.)

Why are businesses on Main Street finding it so difficult to trade in the present time? The question arose during a recent discussion at the village forum in the Tearman Cafe, and it seemed the almighty recession was to be held responsible for everything.
Ah yes, the recession.
The recession is to blame for all things.
To me this sort of fatalism is tantamount to saying: "Things are the way they are and there's nothing anyone can do to change them." Incidentally, there was also a significant body of opinion in the cafe inclined to lay the blame for closed Kilcullen businesses on nearby hyper market style retailers in the towns of Naas and Newbridge.
I've never really accepted the notion that the large scale out of town supermarkets are driving small business people to the wall. I tend to believe that the rising tide of employment and choice presented by such outlets should be to the benefit of all. With more people coming in to the region to shop at the hyper marts, there should be more overspill of trade onto Main Street.
Something else is killing our businesses.
Five something else's actually.
First the sons and daughters of small traders on Main Street often do not wish to carry on the family business. The aspirations of the younger generation mean that we lose the expertise the family may have built up over a generation as Junior and Junioress seek life's pot of gold through the subsidised dating academies that pass for universities in Ireland. Business after business on Main Street has closed simply because the young uns could not see themselves as shopkeepers.
Secondly the thug element in Kilcullen are now a significant factor in the life of anyone who dares to set up their own business. By the thug element I mean the usual suspects who have terrorised the town for the past forty years. They too are key players in closing down our traders. And yet still people continue to look the other way and murmur: "Oh but they never had a chance." The truth is they've had forty years of a chance. Truly we are a beaten people.
Thirdly, aside from the thug element, more organised crime groupings are now present in Kilcullen, and extort money from traders here. No one wants these characters in their lives. Traders walk away because of the regular threats, robberies and attempts at extortion. Note that I treat the organised crime groupings as separate from the thug element although both are interactive with each other. Within the past decade we can see clear evidence of organised crime shutting down businesses in our town. A few years ago, one trader in Kilcullen beat off an attack by a knife wielding raider on his premises. The gang brought in three hit men from Dublin to deliberately let the trader catch them in the act of breaking into his shop. They stabbed the trader as planned and weren't too worried whether he lived or died. He sold up and left Kilcullen. Another respected Kilcullen resident was forced to move out of town after repeated break-ins by supposed traveller gangs. There have been more of these cases but they don't get reported.
Fourthly, any trader who wishes to run his own business on Main Street, must face up to the fact that our government acts as if it is trying to drive him out of business. Taxation is high. The trader is forced to collect tax on behalf of the government in the form of VAT. The trader can be casually criminalised by the revenue service if there is an anomaly in his tax returns. Again this sort of draconian taxation culture plays a key role in shuttering our Main Street.

Fifthly, rents are too high and it is difficult for a would be trader to obtain ownership of a street front property. We should put families who are keen to work in all these properties. The resurgent landlordism of the present era is not worth the shutters it's printed on.
Okay folks. Those are my opinions. After all of those factors are considered, we might begin to look at laying some responsibility for our shuttered Main Street at the door of the out of town supermarkets. But honestly, if we found people who wanted to work on Main Street, and let them do so, and stopped our government from mugging them continuously for tax, and saw off the thugs, and shut down the mafias, really, the competition from large scale retailers would no longer be a problem.
Our Main Street would light up with prosperity, jobs and fulfilled lives. I think it's worth doing.