what's in a name

Lunchtime coffee with Doctor Barn in the Whitewater Centre in Newbridge.
Doctor Barn says: "I presume you're coming to my party tonight."
It's his birthday folks.
He's hoping to collect £10 from every player.
There is an awkward silence.
"Er no, I'm not free," I manage eventually.
The brother stares.
"What do you mean?" sez he sharpish.
"I'm meeting a new girl tonight," sez me.
"Who is she?"
"Her name is Julia B Fuchs."
"What kind of a name is that?"
"It's German."
"You're kidding."
"Would I kid about a serious thing like her name being Julia Fuchs?"
"It's probably not even a real name. I've never heard of it as a name before anyway."
"On the contrary, it's a very popular and much respected name down Germany way."
Doctor Barn takes a draught of latte and shakes his head. He has the air of one who has been grievously disappointed.
"Why do you have to meet her tonight?" wondereth he.
"I'm meeting her for a German lesson," I explain apologetically.
"I didn't know you spoke German," quoth he.
"I'm willing to learn," grinnith me.
"Your nephew and nieces are looking forward to seeing you," sez he accusingly.
"My need is greater than theirs," shot back Ireland's greatest living lecher.
The Doc groans.
"Just postpone it," he ventures without much optimism.
My turn for the head shaking routine.
"I can't postpone it."
"Why not?"
"Old brother old pal, I am in many ways a weak man. I am not capable of cancelling my first ever rendezvous with a girl called Julia Fuchs."
"Because of the name?"
"Because of the name," I affirm shallowly.
So I drove to Dublin.
Later that evening I sat in a cafe waiting for Julia Fuchs.
As I waited, the following text arrived on my phone.
"James I am sorry. I am not going to meet you. I met someone else earlier for a language lesson. He didn't really want to learn German at all. It was very awkward. From now on I will just be giving lessons to girls. I hope you understand."
And from somewhere not too far away the sound track to The Good The Bad And The Ugly went: "Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaah!"
That night back at the Chateau De Healy, the Mammy found me flumped in the kitchen with a cup of coffee.
"You missed a great party," proclaimeth Lil. "How did it go with Julia Fuchs?"
"It didn't," I glummed back.
"What happened?" persisted El Mam.
My handsome preraphaelite features went a bit gothic for a moment.
"She stood me up because she thought I might have been going to make a pass at her."
The Mammy took a deep breath.
"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha."
Her laughter had an almost orchestral quality.
And there our story ends.