the heelers emails
From Avid Fan to Heelers.
Healz.
You published an article called A Charter For The Defeat Of Al Qaeda recently. It has since been taken down. Why?
Avid.
From Heelers to Avid.
The article was taken down because the morning after I published it, I woke up with an excruciating back pain. Couldn't care less about the Jihadi's but thought God might have been annoyed with me. Wasn't willing to risk it.
James
From Frank Taaffe, Trial Lawyer, to Heelers.
James.
Have the shares really fallen to 13 cents since you left that centre of excellence? I see from the latest photo that you're putting on excess pounds! Are you writing a book by any chance, or even by dint of your undoubted talent?
Regards,
Frank.
From Heelers to Frank Taaffe.
Frank. Would I kid about a serious thing like the Johnston Press share price? The photo was done with special effects. The book is underway. Send a hundred quid immediately to help with story development. The hundred will get you an ad on The Heelers Diaries. A lot of criminals visit my website Frank. Many of them could do with a good defence attorney. It'll be money well spent.
Thanks.
James
From Michael Appourchaux to Heelers.
Well that was a laugh! First time ever I'm mentioned in a blog; Which is no wonder since I've not gained half the recognition u seem to bestow on me care of French critics...
Might be good for my ego, yet I'm quite worried 'bout your sanity!
But then again, all great poetes maudits are outcasts and incompris.
It'll all pay off when U've met your maker.
Slain.
M
PS: Might have been nice to get actual news from u, like do u still write or do drama? But I don't wish to torture u further.
Heelers to App.
Appershocks will you just stop. But no hard feelings, eh? I, er, hope your next film flops.
J
Serafina to Heelers.
jamie.
the old number is alive with my flatmate Juanita. I get my messages if left on the phone but you should be using the new number now onwards.
The power keeps going off in Caracas and it's quite bugging. We spend a lot of time in the dark, but it's refreshing otherwise. Only when I need to work on the computer it is problematic.
So I spent my dark time in writing for the astrology blog. Yes, that is still sailing through the deep dangerous oceans.
Among other important things, I went to a party, but it was more like being taken to it by Elena. She fears me becoming anti social. I don't call anyone or meet anyone. I make absolutely no effort so I must go to this life altering party and i did. At the sort of end of this party which was about 5 in the morning, I was in no mood to go home. Note: these parties in Caracas include drinking. I don't know why but the city seems to be obsessed with converting everyone to drinkism. very very guilty.
No, no, no, this time there was no Rudigore, just a friend's friend I met two days ago. he is just incredibly funny. I like when men are not hitting on me, when its just a friendly conversation. So Arturo, that's his name and Antonio who is also someone I met just that Friday, sat under the stars and spoke about some really random things. Then Elena, the girl who dragged me to the party and Rolando and Julio, and I danced like mad monkeys. I decided not to go to my melancholy room, instead go to Arturo's. I told him he seemed like Papa Bear and I'd like to hug him and sleep. And that's exactly what we did.
Now, why do you need to know this? Because good things need to be shared and I'm glad there are men who would share a sweet moment instead of rushing into things. We woke up with no awkward moments. I had an early morning contemporary class to teach from 9 to 1 and another from 2 to 4. It wasn't much of a weekend for me.
Bu the warmth of a body and uncomplicated affection is enough to keep me going.
I'd like to hear your take on this. i don't know why. I have a feeling you will have something wise and sarcastic at the same time.
Also,
I'm going to Tierra Del Fuego again. Teresita is booking my tickets. And I'm booking half of them. it is going to empty my account of two months worth in salary but what the hell...
All is well.
All will be well.
And all manner of all things will be well.
thank you jamie,
with lotsa love,
Serafina
Heelers to Serafina.
Dearest Serafina.
Is Juanita a beautiful sensual Hispanic babe type person? I just need to know for my files.
Also since I have her number, she might be worth a Hail Mary text on the off chance: "I have crossed oceans of time to love you etc etc."
Who knows?
It could work.
You expect a comment from me on your party night and, er, tender moments with the luckiest man in the Americas.
I'll see what I can do.
It's difficult to know where to begin.
At the moment I'm struggling to control the bemused look on my face. Eyes widening. Grin going all over the place. If I don't stop it, I'm liable to be stuck with this expression.
Hellllppppppp.
Okay.
Er.
Um.
Don't be sleeping with people who aren't me.
No that's not right.
That's not advice.
Well, it's not objective advice.
Hey S.
You said I'd probably say something sarcastic.
I am never sarcastic.
At least I think I'm never sarcastic.
Okay I thought I was never sarcastic when talking to you.
Or emailing you.
"Ah that the Lord the grace would gi'e us,
To see ourselves as others see us."
Extract from famous Scottish poem about me.
I don't want to see myself as you see me if you see me as sarcastic.
I'm not sarcastic Serafina.
Am I?
Hey.
I'm not.
But enough about me.
You slept with Smiling Boy.
For crying out loud woman.
Why don't you just shoot me?
Arf, arf.
That one slipped out.
You wrote at the start of your email: "I like it when men are not hitting on me."
Now you tell me.
Now.
After three years.
Okay.
Still joking.
But a man's gotta know his limitations.
And a girl's gotta know about some men's limitations.
Serafina Gomez, some men will never be able to talk to you without hitting on you.
I mean me.
And did I say some?
I meant all.
And finally.
Can I think of a genuine comment for you?
Well I'm genuinely bemused.
It's the most genuine bemusement I've ever felt over the course of my whole life ever.
And I'm genuinely delighted because I think I understood that you are being paid for your internet work.
Is this right?
Are you going to direct me to the Astrology website any time soon so I can disapprove of it properly?
And of course I'm genuinely delighted because I sense a spiritual strength in your email.
Truth be told, I kind of liked the bit where you said I'd say something sarcastic.
It bemused me.
Along with the rest of it.
Miss Gomez, my constant friend of nearly three years, I am blessed to have found you.
Love,
James.
PS: Gentle life affirming non hitting on love, I mean.
PPS: Yeah, right.
Healz.
You published an article called A Charter For The Defeat Of Al Qaeda recently. It has since been taken down. Why?
Avid.
From Heelers to Avid.
The article was taken down because the morning after I published it, I woke up with an excruciating back pain. Couldn't care less about the Jihadi's but thought God might have been annoyed with me. Wasn't willing to risk it.
James
From Frank Taaffe, Trial Lawyer, to Heelers.
James.
Have the shares really fallen to 13 cents since you left that centre of excellence? I see from the latest photo that you're putting on excess pounds! Are you writing a book by any chance, or even by dint of your undoubted talent?
Regards,
Frank.
From Heelers to Frank Taaffe.
Frank. Would I kid about a serious thing like the Johnston Press share price? The photo was done with special effects. The book is underway. Send a hundred quid immediately to help with story development. The hundred will get you an ad on The Heelers Diaries. A lot of criminals visit my website Frank. Many of them could do with a good defence attorney. It'll be money well spent.
Thanks.
James
From Michael Appourchaux to Heelers.
Well that was a laugh! First time ever I'm mentioned in a blog; Which is no wonder since I've not gained half the recognition u seem to bestow on me care of French critics...
Might be good for my ego, yet I'm quite worried 'bout your sanity!
But then again, all great poetes maudits are outcasts and incompris.
It'll all pay off when U've met your maker.
Slain.
M
PS: Might have been nice to get actual news from u, like do u still write or do drama? But I don't wish to torture u further.
Heelers to App.
Appershocks will you just stop. But no hard feelings, eh? I, er, hope your next film flops.
J
Serafina to Heelers.
jamie.
the old number is alive with my flatmate Juanita. I get my messages if left on the phone but you should be using the new number now onwards.
The power keeps going off in Caracas and it's quite bugging. We spend a lot of time in the dark, but it's refreshing otherwise. Only when I need to work on the computer it is problematic.
So I spent my dark time in writing for the astrology blog. Yes, that is still sailing through the deep dangerous oceans.
Among other important things, I went to a party, but it was more like being taken to it by Elena. She fears me becoming anti social. I don't call anyone or meet anyone. I make absolutely no effort so I must go to this life altering party and i did. At the sort of end of this party which was about 5 in the morning, I was in no mood to go home. Note: these parties in Caracas include drinking. I don't know why but the city seems to be obsessed with converting everyone to drinkism. very very guilty.
No, no, no, this time there was no Rudigore, just a friend's friend I met two days ago. he is just incredibly funny. I like when men are not hitting on me, when its just a friendly conversation. So Arturo, that's his name and Antonio who is also someone I met just that Friday, sat under the stars and spoke about some really random things. Then Elena, the girl who dragged me to the party and Rolando and Julio, and I danced like mad monkeys. I decided not to go to my melancholy room, instead go to Arturo's. I told him he seemed like Papa Bear and I'd like to hug him and sleep. And that's exactly what we did.
Now, why do you need to know this? Because good things need to be shared and I'm glad there are men who would share a sweet moment instead of rushing into things. We woke up with no awkward moments. I had an early morning contemporary class to teach from 9 to 1 and another from 2 to 4. It wasn't much of a weekend for me.
Bu the warmth of a body and uncomplicated affection is enough to keep me going.
I'd like to hear your take on this. i don't know why. I have a feeling you will have something wise and sarcastic at the same time.
Also,
I'm going to Tierra Del Fuego again. Teresita is booking my tickets. And I'm booking half of them. it is going to empty my account of two months worth in salary but what the hell...
All is well.
All will be well.
And all manner of all things will be well.
thank you jamie,
with lotsa love,
Serafina
Heelers to Serafina.
Dearest Serafina.
Is Juanita a beautiful sensual Hispanic babe type person? I just need to know for my files.
Also since I have her number, she might be worth a Hail Mary text on the off chance: "I have crossed oceans of time to love you etc etc."
Who knows?
It could work.
You expect a comment from me on your party night and, er, tender moments with the luckiest man in the Americas.
I'll see what I can do.
It's difficult to know where to begin.
At the moment I'm struggling to control the bemused look on my face. Eyes widening. Grin going all over the place. If I don't stop it, I'm liable to be stuck with this expression.
Hellllppppppp.
Okay.
Er.
Um.
Don't be sleeping with people who aren't me.
No that's not right.
That's not advice.
Well, it's not objective advice.
Hey S.
You said I'd probably say something sarcastic.
I am never sarcastic.
At least I think I'm never sarcastic.
Okay I thought I was never sarcastic when talking to you.
Or emailing you.
"Ah that the Lord the grace would gi'e us,
To see ourselves as others see us."
Extract from famous Scottish poem about me.
I don't want to see myself as you see me if you see me as sarcastic.
I'm not sarcastic Serafina.
Am I?
Hey.
I'm not.
But enough about me.
You slept with Smiling Boy.
For crying out loud woman.
Why don't you just shoot me?
Arf, arf.
That one slipped out.
You wrote at the start of your email: "I like it when men are not hitting on me."
Now you tell me.
Now.
After three years.
Okay.
Still joking.
But a man's gotta know his limitations.
And a girl's gotta know about some men's limitations.
Serafina Gomez, some men will never be able to talk to you without hitting on you.
I mean me.
And did I say some?
I meant all.
And finally.
Can I think of a genuine comment for you?
Well I'm genuinely bemused.
It's the most genuine bemusement I've ever felt over the course of my whole life ever.
And I'm genuinely delighted because I think I understood that you are being paid for your internet work.
Is this right?
Are you going to direct me to the Astrology website any time soon so I can disapprove of it properly?
And of course I'm genuinely delighted because I sense a spiritual strength in your email.
Truth be told, I kind of liked the bit where you said I'd say something sarcastic.
It bemused me.
Along with the rest of it.
Miss Gomez, my constant friend of nearly three years, I am blessed to have found you.
Love,
James.
PS: Gentle life affirming non hitting on love, I mean.
PPS: Yeah, right.
posted by heelers | 4:35 AM
2 Comments:
Why would God be annoyed with you for desiring the defeat of an organisation which rejoices in death, and which itself wreaks death and destruction with the aim of imposing a demonically inspired corpus of laws that would inflict death, mutilation and servitude upon all mankind?
Pochechuyev.
Yes, I certainly don't think there's any problem with my analysis that the dysfunctions arising within Arab Muslim culture are a greater threat to mankind than anything Hitler or the Soviets came up with.
My concern was that in despising Al Qaeda and Islamic terror, I had wandered into hating Muslim people themselves.
My understanding is that if I hate the people, I offend God.
But your point is well made Mr Pochechuyev.
I agree with you.
James
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