The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Monday, February 16, 2009

miscellaneous

Quotes of the Day.

British government minister David Millipede commenting on the decision to expel from Britain a Dutch member of parliament who had made a film which suggested links between the peaceloving religion of Islam and mindless psychotic terrorist violence: "There is no right to shout fire in a crowded theatre."

James Healy, commenting on David Millipede: "There is of course a right to shout fire in a crowded theatre. There is a right to shout fire in a crowded theatre if the theatre is in fact on fire. Not only is there a right to shout fire in such circumstances Mr Millipede. There is a duty."

The Sunday Express: "Investigators are probing possible links between the Australian forest fires and Al Qaeda."

James Healy: "The Sunday Express is owned by a porn baron. So I am reluctant to praise it. Nonetheless, it's the only newspaper which has so far troubled to bring the possible Al Qaeda element in the setting of the Australian forest fires and the subequent deaths of hundreds of people into the public domain. Perhaps the other newspapers, taking their lead from David Millipede, are under the impression that there's no right to shout fire in a crowded forest."


Great Coincidences of our Time(s).On Thursday 12th Feb 2009, The Heelers Diaries published a poem entitled The Poetic Manifesto. On Friday 13th Feb, The Times of London published a poem by its own poet in residence, entitled Manifesto. Well folks, looks like it's finally happened. After years being ripped off by the low rent scruff of Independent Newspapers... I'm finally attracting a better class of rip off.


Nearer my God to thee.
There are two classes of people I never make fun of. The Mafia. And people who have at any time been involved in what they euphemistically call "armed struggle" in Northern Ireland. Today we shall make an honoured exception. I have just read that an Irish terrorist leader currently facing trial for his stewardship of an organisation styling itself The Real IRA, has a home address in a town called Hackballscross. Now that's a salubrious address. Hoo boy. Not since 1970's comedian Mr Mike Yarwood revealed that Rev Ian Paisley is an anagram for Vile IRA Pansey, have I been so struck by the quaint synchronicities of this modern life.


Journalist Of The Year.
The Irish Times boldly proclaims one of its contributors Kathy Sheridan as Journalist Of The Year and reprints the epithet with her byline in case of any of us aren't paying attention. This contributor appeared on Irish televison some days ago. She commented on an Anglo Irish Bank manager who had loaned himself 129 million quid and concealed this loan from the auditors and from the public through a series of clandestine money transfers involving another bank. The Irish Times Journalist Of The Year said it was unfortunate that this bank manager should suffer during the present economic crisis as she knew him and believed him to be a decent man. It has now emerged that this bank manager's 129 million quids' worth of loans to himself are the thin end of the wedge at Anglo Irish Bank. During the past year among the transactions we know about, Anglo Irish Bank also received a temporary lodgement of four thousand million quid, that's four billion, from another financial institution. This transaction was intended to create the impression that Anglo Irish Bank was in a healthier position with its deposits than was the case. I wonder in view of the Irish Times Journalist of the Year's unique take on this particular bank manager, I wonder truly, will the Irish Times reconsider its generous application of the epithet Journalist Of The Year. I must write to the editor of the Irish Times about this matter. I know how much the editor of the Irish Times values my input from the amount of stuff (s)he snaffles off this blog.


Out takes from a life less ordinary.
My feminist cousin Pauline: "James I was reading Jenny Diski in The Guardian at the weekend."
Me: "Jenny Diski? And The Guardian? In one sentence? Why do you torture me woman?"


The Ones That Got Away.(Another from our occasional series on sublime photos I just missed capturing.)
Driving up Thomas Street in Dublin. There was a hoarding with graffiti on it. The graffiti read in large white letters: "No One Is Illegal." Beside the hoarding, leaning on a little wooden rail, was a young Chinese man with a poignantly weary expression on his face.


From The Heelers Emails.
Yankee Joe to Heelers: "Are you aware that Saturday Night Live used the music from your song Not The Theme Tune To Casino Royale for one of their comedy sketches?"
Heelers to Joe: "I was not aware of that. But my impulse to sue is lessened somewhat by virtue of the fact that I myself stole the music from a 1960's movie. Well I didn't really steal it. We call it sampling in the music industry. But Judge Liberal is notoriously iffy about it so I reckon Saturday Night Live are going to get off scott free."

4 Comments:

Blogger Schneewittchen said...

I too was quite astonished that whereas known fundies and agitators are allowed into the country, this gentleman was not.

1:50 AM  
Blogger heelers said...

They still let me in.

4:36 AM  
Blogger Schneewittchen said...

Fair point.

1:19 AM  
Blogger heelers said...

My fairness is the key to my superpowers.

2:21 AM  

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