The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Friday, August 28, 2009

adventures in babysitting

Some of you have been asking for more details regarding my dealings with British newspaper publisher The Johnston Press who fired me from the Leinster Leader in November of 2007. Below is an extract from some correspondence which may shed light on the issue.


***

Date: 16th August 2007.
From: John Whelan john.whelan@leinsterleader.ie

Copy to: Derry Quinn derry@leinsterexpress.ie

Subject: Unacceptable Misconduct

James,
It is with no small degree of dismay that I cannot believe you have yet to contact me, despite numerous attempts to get in touch with you. Efforts to get you to respond in order to arrange a meeting appear futile and I wish to caution you that it will not be allowed to continue. This gross misconduct is set against an ongoing deterioration of your work performance, work practices and declining productivity.
Quite frankly what you have offered as a proposed newslist from your area this week is pathetic and does not constitute a days work, much less the expected and required contribution of a full time staff member.
I must advise you that your behaviour is having a seriously negative impact on the performance, reputation and credibility of the Leinster Leader newspaper. As Editor it would be remiss of me to allow this to continue. Therefore, I must formally caution you that any further failure by you to contact me directly and to take normal direction and instruction from me will be addressed and may have serious implications for your continued employment with this newspaper.
I am trying to be fair to you but also clear with you that it is impossible to properly operate a newspaper with your carry on and blatant refusal to respond to simple requests and basic instructions.
Sincerely
John Whelan, Editor Leinster Leader


***


I replied thusly.



Date: 16 August 2007
From: James Healy
To: John Whelan
Subject: Re: Unacceptable Misconduct


Mr Whelan.
I don't know you.
If you are the editor of the Leinster Leader, you should speak to Mr Derry Quinn about certain serious matters I have raised with him and which he has undertaken to investigate.
James Healy

***
I also forwarded the following email of response directly to the then Managing Director of the Leinster Leader, an individual styling himself Derry Quinn.



A LETTER TO LORD QUINN

From: James Healy
To: Derry Quinn, Managing Director of the Leinster Leader.


Quinn.
I've had some sort of misunderstanding with the new boy.
This John Whelkan or Wheelpan or whatever you call him.
He's sent me an email.
Rather rude actually.
He definitely seems to be labouring under a profound misapprehension.
He seems to think you have appointed him ruler of the universe and not just editor of the Leinster Leader.
He seems to be under the impression that such an appointment entitles him to dispense with basic notions of courtesy and politeness.
Ah Quinn.
I must admit I was a bit annoyed when I first saw the email in question.
For he adopted a very familiar tone.
Addressed me as James, by Gad.
It was almost as if he knew me.
Yet I am quite sure I've never met or spoken to any John Wheelbrace or Johnny Wankenstain or whatever his name is.
You must have a word with him Quinn.
You and I are men of the world.
But this new fellow clearly is not.
You must explain to him Quinn.
Be gentle now.
He may not be a bad fellow.
A little over zealous perhaps.
Don't frighten him.
Adopt a fatherly tone.
Yes.
Fatherly is the mot juste.
Be fatherly with him.
Explain to him quietly that I am a respected member of staff who has single handedly kept the newspaper going for nine years, and that I must not be disrespected in any way.
Explain to him who I am.
Make sure he understands you.
Use small words.
I cannot believe Quinn that you were aware this young Wheelygig was sending out such an email as I received today.
In any case you must remember that I am abjuring you not to be too harsh with him.
Don't shout.
Don't hit him.
Just speak softly but very firmly.
Now there are one or two points in this John Whippersnapper's letter which beg an answer.
He uses the phrase "unacceptable misconduct" as a heading and later ups it a bit by accusing me of "gross misconduct."
Dear oh dear.
This calls for caution Quinn.
You must tread lightly.
A man who uses such terminology to someone with whom he has had absolutely no prior acquaintance or contact, is not behaving as you or I would behave.
Could he be on drugs?
It seems the only logical explanation.
Again Quinn I must insist when you are confronting him about this matter that you exercise the utmost caution.
If anything happened to you I would never forgive myself.
Some of these crack heads, or coke heads, or heroin heads, or whatever you call them, well some of them are quite dangerous when challenged.
Delicatesse Quinn.
That's what's called for.
Delicatesse is the mot juste.
Along with fatherly.
But I digress.
Your new editor, for such he proclaims himself to be, rather improbably suggests that my proposed list of news stories for the current week has led him to undertake the present email contact.
It is unfortunate that my newslist should fall so far short of what this Randolph Hearst of provincial journalism believes a newslist should be.
It will be for you to educate him Quinn.
You know he actually had the temerity to claim that in the three days (Three weeks? Three months?) that he has worked for our august paper, he has noticed a deterioration in my work.
The poor fellow.
He must be very observant.
Then he goes on to make a rather serious allegation.
He suggests I have had a negative impact on the performance, reputation, and credibility of the Leinster Leader.
Tut, tut.
No Quinn.
I see you rise from your chair in anger.
But no.
Do not be angry on my account.
The man is clearly out of his head.
We must be patient with this poor booby.
I have no doubt that a little wise correction from your good self will steer him back onto the right road.
I suggest you give him a little lecture on those factors which can genuinely damage the performance, reputation and credibility of a newspaper.
Give him two examples.
When the printer Ron Baines showed up for work recently (having worked at the Leinster Leader loyally for fifty years) and was told he would be finishing forever the same day... this did seriously and indeed grievously damage the performance, reputation and credibility of our newspaper.
Mr Baines enjoys high standing in the town of Naas and environs. He is immensely respected in theatre circles all over Ireland. And for God's sake Quinn, he's a human being.
The decision to ditch him will assuredly cost the company dear in terms of esteem, regard, public image, and those other shibboleths beloved of John Whimperton, performance, reputation, and credibility, for years to come. (It'll cost us money too Quinn.)
Even if the decision didn't cost us anything in those terms, even so Quinn, I say it again, Ron Baines is a human being and is entitled to be treated with a modicum of human dignity.
No really Quinn.
Really he is.
Now had you fired that piece of shit Philip Higgins, I could have had no complaints.
But that's another story.
Our second parable on damaging a newspaper's performance, reputation and credibility should unfold as follows.
Some weeks ago a plane crashed at Kilrush. I forwarded an article to the office which detailed the crash. It was a succinctly worded piece, not flashy or tabloidish, but written to satisfy the fundamental requirement of not exposing us to legal action.
This is a basic requirement of both traditional and modern journalism Quinn, I think you will agree.
Johnny Whoppermellencamp shelved the article.
Then he got a lesser journalist (cheaper Quinn?) to write an article on the same story, and splashed the article by the lesser (cheaper) journalist across the cover of the Leinster Leader.
Of course a week later he had to print a full retraction and apology about the glaring inaccuracies in the article he had published.
Something about a fatality at Kilrush that never took place.
Now this really did damage the performance, reputation and credibility of the Leinster Leader.
Oh really it did.
No really.
Really, really, really.
Quinn in this manner you may speak to young Warpyman.
Give him these pointers as to what is meant by the terms he misused in his email to me.
And having done that, send him on his way with a blessing.
It does not do to be too harsh.
John Weepyman is new and, who knows, may yet turn out to be a quite adequate editor.
(The omens are not good Quinn. But we must hope. We must be strong.)
On to other matters.
I understand that there has been some breakdown in communications regarding your appointment of the aforementioned and soon to be chastised young pup.
I was never told.
Never told about the appointment of a new editor.
I'm absolutely convinced this cannot have been your fault.
No doubt, you told your staff to inform me, and obviously some of your more scatterbrained underlings (in Sector 7-G?) omitted to do so.
We both know it's impossible to get good help these days.
Yes, I'm quite sure that you Quinn did not deliberately omit to tell me about the new editor's appointment.
For to have done so would have been shabby indeed, and I know you are a man of integrity.
When an individual who shall be nameless (it was Baldy Mongan the tame trade unionist) suggested to me that you were the same Derry Quinn who had been responsible for provoking the confrontation and dismissal of a journalist at another newspaper (a newspaper in Peru or Portlaoise or some such God forsaken place) by shortchanging that journalist ten quid in his travelling expenses, I cried out: "No by God! That's not our Derry Quinn. Our Derry Quinn is a friend to the widow and a saviour of orphans. He would never behave in such a cheap manner."
I know you Quinn.
When the poor hath cried, Quinn hath wept.
I know that when you received my list of minor grievances last April, you immediately and conscientiously went to work to resolve them.
Six weeks later towards the end of May, you even deigned to stoop down from Mount Olympus to send me a letter confirming you had received my modest complaints and had indeed with all due haste begun the process of investigating them.
I know that in the three months since then, you have been beavering away diligently Quinn.
I know you have addressed the matters I brought to your attention with honesty and perhaps even a hint of nobility.
I know that you have not colluded in a shabby manoeuvre to dismiss me.
I know you're better than that Quinn.
No timewaster you.
No shirker.
No gross misconducter.
I am quite sure of this Quinn.
I reject what other lesser, balder, men have said of you.
You are not a toe rag.
You are not a spiv.
You are not Quinn, if you will forgive the phrase, a d***less c***.
I hope it stays fine for you.
James Healy

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