The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Thursday, March 05, 2009

an open letter to michael grade head of the independent television network in great britain

Dear Michael Grade.
ITV has just announced it is laying off 600 people from their jobs.
Your company has released a press statement assuring the public that programme quality will not suffer.
Here is the news.
No one cares about the quality of your programming.
No one has cared about the quality of your programming for thirty years.
Your programmes are dross.
We don't look to television for any standard of quality.
It's not there.
What people care about is the 600 members of staff you are off loading in the mistaken belief that dumping staff is the way to deal with a recession.
Dumping staff is blinkered 1980's style cretinism Michael Grade.
If everyone gets dumped there ain't gonna be no one to watch TV.
Because we'll all be fighting the last great civil war.
This is what you need to do Michael Grade.
Rescind the order to dump 600 members of staff at ITV.
Announce that no one is going to be fired as long as you're in charge.
Get mad Michael Grade.
Have a Christian conversion.
You'll enjoy it.
It's fun being on the side of the forces of good instead of the forces of darkness.
Say you're going to trade your way out of the recession.
Say you'll take a pay cut to zero.
Say everyone else at ITV will work for a tenner a week if need be.
But no one will be fired.
Let's start to beat this thing Michael Grade.
All it takes is a little vision.
Thank you for your time.
Faithfully.
James Healy.

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