150 years of the irish times
(Episode Five: You Are Awful. But I Like You.)
It's been a roller coaster ride. All this week we've been celebrating one and a half centuries of anti Catholic drivel from those fervourless fembo commie pinkos at The Irish Times. The paper, known to most of us as The Auld Bitch of D'Olier Street, has spent the last fifty of those years remodelling Ireland in its own image. We are all living with the results. If I have one thing to say to the Christians of Ireland it is this. You don't have to accept your government using our money to finance the Irish Times through Health Board advertising. You don't have to accept the government of Ireland giving our money to the Irish Family Planning Association to finance a court case before the European Supreme Court, aided and abetted by the Irish Times, with the intention of forcing abortion legislation on our country. You don't have to accept any of this. For Christ's sake, get up off your knees.
Favourite Memories of The Irish Times: Today's memory is a little different from what came before. Cast your minds back to the dulcet Summer of 1989. Yugoslavia which had been a communist dictatorship for forty years was breaking up into its constituent Republics. The captive peoples were seizing their opportunities to break free of what had oppressed them. First Slovenia, then Croatia, then Bosnia broke away. Serbia was the Republic which had effectively ruled Yugoslavia. Serbia still had control of the old communist army. By 1991, Serbia had unleashed this army separately on each of the breakaway Republics. Interestingly enough, The Irish Times' coverage of this conflict was initially strongly pro Serbian and indeed even more strongly pro Slobodan Milosevich. Irish Times feature writers had not quite adjusted to the end of the Cold War. They still thought some of their glorious communist dictatorships might be saved. I kid you not. Irish Times feature writers informed us that Serbian actions must be seen in the context of the actions of Croats during World War Two. The Irish Times feature writers' view was that the Croats had sided with Hitler and had committed genocide against the Serbs. The Irish Times feature writers argued that the Serbs had legitimate concerns that an independent Croatia might quite readily revert to fascism. I was mildly perturbed by this Irish Times' justification for Serbian atrocities. The Balkans had become a charnel house with the Serbs using the communist rump army of Yugoslavia to rampage at will through towns, villages and cities. I wrote a gently corrective piece addressed to the Irish Times. This was published in The Bridge magazine. We're reproducing it for you here today folks. It is the last thing you shall read of mine about the Irish Times. I print it with my own crass errors intact. See if you can spot em. I was a complete slob even then.
************************
LEARNING CAN BE FUN
(From The Bridge magazine, Christmas 1991.)
See the Irish Times editor sitting in his office.
He is smoking his pipe.
He is a nice man. Hello Irish Times editor, hello...
See the Irish Times journalists.
They love reporting wars.
There they are trooping off to Croatia.
Hello, Irish Times journalists, hello...
The Serbs and Croats are having a fight.
They have been fighting for five hundred years.
The Irish Times journalists have been in the country for only two weeks, but they have already figured out the cause of the conflict.
Clever Irish Times journalists.
Clever, clever, clever.
They write:
"The Croats are Catholic. During World War Two they sided with Hitler and murdered many thousands of Serbs. Thus the violence may be seen in the context of Serbian revenge."
Clever Irish Times journalists.
Clever, clever, clever.
Bad repressed Catholic Croats.
(Always having babies and refusing to use condoms.)
Bad, bad, bad Croats.
Good old Muslim Serbs... Teach those Croats a lesson... Come on Serbs.
See the Irish Times journalists.
They are slightly taken aback.
The Serbs have just killed three thousand Croats.
(Bad Hitler loving Croats.)
Three thousand is rather a lot.
The Irish Times journalists are crying.
See the crocodile tears.
How shiny they are!
There, there Irish Times journalists, don't cry.
Look at the lovely city. (Wipe away those tears now.)
It is called Dubrovnik.
People call it the pearl of the Adriatic because it is so beautiful.
There are many five hundred year old buildings in it.
Such wonderful historic buildings.
(With some bad repressed Catholic churches.)
Oh look.
Here come the Serbs.
They seem angry.
They are still annoyed about that Hitler business.
At least the Irish Times journalists think so.
And they know about these things. Ha, ha.
The Serbs have got tanks and heavy artillery. Bang, bang, bang.
They are razing Dubrovnik to the ground. Bang, bang, bang.
That will teach those Hiterites to be Catholic. Bang, bang, bang.
That will teach those Catholics to be Hiterite. Bang, bang, bang.
That will teach those Croats to be Croats. Bang, bang, bang.
See those crocodile tears. Bang, bang, bang.
See the ruined city. Bang, bang, bang.
See the wasted lives. Bang, bang, bang.
See the darkened land. Bang, bang, bang.
See the Irish Times journalists.
Perhaps they will explain it all to us.
Please Mr Irish Times journalists, tell us why.
"Croatian Catholics committed genocide against Muslim Serbs during World War Two."
Thank you Irish Times journalists.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You are so clever, clever, clever.
The nice Serb raising his flag over the ruined city of Dubrovnik likes the Irish Times too.
(When he misses it he feels like he's missing part of the day.)
See the Irish Times editor, smoking his pipe in his office in Dublin.
He is preparing tomorrow's edition.
He is a nice man.
He is looking at a photograph of a smiling Serb raising the Serbian flag over Dubrovnik.
The Irish Times editor says:
"See the happy Serb.
He doesn't give a damn.
I wish I were a Serb.
My God, perhaps I am."
It's been a roller coaster ride. All this week we've been celebrating one and a half centuries of anti Catholic drivel from those fervourless fembo commie pinkos at The Irish Times. The paper, known to most of us as The Auld Bitch of D'Olier Street, has spent the last fifty of those years remodelling Ireland in its own image. We are all living with the results. If I have one thing to say to the Christians of Ireland it is this. You don't have to accept your government using our money to finance the Irish Times through Health Board advertising. You don't have to accept the government of Ireland giving our money to the Irish Family Planning Association to finance a court case before the European Supreme Court, aided and abetted by the Irish Times, with the intention of forcing abortion legislation on our country. You don't have to accept any of this. For Christ's sake, get up off your knees.
Favourite Memories of The Irish Times: Today's memory is a little different from what came before. Cast your minds back to the dulcet Summer of 1989. Yugoslavia which had been a communist dictatorship for forty years was breaking up into its constituent Republics. The captive peoples were seizing their opportunities to break free of what had oppressed them. First Slovenia, then Croatia, then Bosnia broke away. Serbia was the Republic which had effectively ruled Yugoslavia. Serbia still had control of the old communist army. By 1991, Serbia had unleashed this army separately on each of the breakaway Republics. Interestingly enough, The Irish Times' coverage of this conflict was initially strongly pro Serbian and indeed even more strongly pro Slobodan Milosevich. Irish Times feature writers had not quite adjusted to the end of the Cold War. They still thought some of their glorious communist dictatorships might be saved. I kid you not. Irish Times feature writers informed us that Serbian actions must be seen in the context of the actions of Croats during World War Two. The Irish Times feature writers' view was that the Croats had sided with Hitler and had committed genocide against the Serbs. The Irish Times feature writers argued that the Serbs had legitimate concerns that an independent Croatia might quite readily revert to fascism. I was mildly perturbed by this Irish Times' justification for Serbian atrocities. The Balkans had become a charnel house with the Serbs using the communist rump army of Yugoslavia to rampage at will through towns, villages and cities. I wrote a gently corrective piece addressed to the Irish Times. This was published in The Bridge magazine. We're reproducing it for you here today folks. It is the last thing you shall read of mine about the Irish Times. I print it with my own crass errors intact. See if you can spot em. I was a complete slob even then.
************************
LEARNING CAN BE FUN
(From The Bridge magazine, Christmas 1991.)
See the Irish Times editor sitting in his office.
He is smoking his pipe.
He is a nice man. Hello Irish Times editor, hello...
See the Irish Times journalists.
They love reporting wars.
There they are trooping off to Croatia.
Hello, Irish Times journalists, hello...
The Serbs and Croats are having a fight.
They have been fighting for five hundred years.
The Irish Times journalists have been in the country for only two weeks, but they have already figured out the cause of the conflict.
Clever Irish Times journalists.
Clever, clever, clever.
They write:
"The Croats are Catholic. During World War Two they sided with Hitler and murdered many thousands of Serbs. Thus the violence may be seen in the context of Serbian revenge."
Clever Irish Times journalists.
Clever, clever, clever.
Bad repressed Catholic Croats.
(Always having babies and refusing to use condoms.)
Bad, bad, bad Croats.
Good old Muslim Serbs... Teach those Croats a lesson... Come on Serbs.
See the Irish Times journalists.
They are slightly taken aback.
The Serbs have just killed three thousand Croats.
(Bad Hitler loving Croats.)
Three thousand is rather a lot.
The Irish Times journalists are crying.
See the crocodile tears.
How shiny they are!
There, there Irish Times journalists, don't cry.
Look at the lovely city. (Wipe away those tears now.)
It is called Dubrovnik.
People call it the pearl of the Adriatic because it is so beautiful.
There are many five hundred year old buildings in it.
Such wonderful historic buildings.
(With some bad repressed Catholic churches.)
Oh look.
Here come the Serbs.
They seem angry.
They are still annoyed about that Hitler business.
At least the Irish Times journalists think so.
And they know about these things. Ha, ha.
The Serbs have got tanks and heavy artillery. Bang, bang, bang.
They are razing Dubrovnik to the ground. Bang, bang, bang.
That will teach those Hiterites to be Catholic. Bang, bang, bang.
That will teach those Catholics to be Hiterite. Bang, bang, bang.
That will teach those Croats to be Croats. Bang, bang, bang.
See those crocodile tears. Bang, bang, bang.
See the ruined city. Bang, bang, bang.
See the wasted lives. Bang, bang, bang.
See the darkened land. Bang, bang, bang.
See the Irish Times journalists.
Perhaps they will explain it all to us.
Please Mr Irish Times journalists, tell us why.
"Croatian Catholics committed genocide against Muslim Serbs during World War Two."
Thank you Irish Times journalists.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You are so clever, clever, clever.
The nice Serb raising his flag over the ruined city of Dubrovnik likes the Irish Times too.
(When he misses it he feels like he's missing part of the day.)
See the Irish Times editor, smoking his pipe in his office in Dublin.
He is preparing tomorrow's edition.
He is a nice man.
He is looking at a photograph of a smiling Serb raising the Serbian flag over Dubrovnik.
The Irish Times editor says:
"See the happy Serb.
He doesn't give a damn.
I wish I were a Serb.
My God, perhaps I am."
posted by heelers | 3:17 AM
4 Comments:
I could find only one:
"Please Mr Irish Times journalists, tell us why."
It should be Mssrs., no?
No, that's just a Heelerism. I quite like it!
J
Muslim Serbs?
Avid Fan
In my defence, the Irish Times had been claiming Serbia was multi ethnic with a large Muslim population. The notion that Serbs could be Muslim had been propagated shamelessly in that paper. I was innocent enough to believe them. The journos had actually asserted that 20 percent of Serbs were Muslims. It was inaccurate manipulative reporting and I should never have included it in my rant. As we now know the Muslims of Serbia rarely if ever considered themselves Serbs. In fact they seceded from Serbia, detaching one of that country's historic provinces, the first chance they got.
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