The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Thursday, May 21, 2009

our television listings

RTE1
(The Irish national broadcaster.)

1.55 Neighbours. Australian celebration of teen sexuality and cretinism.
2.20 Location Location Location. Awful, awful, awful programme.
3.00 The Afternoon Show. RTE hags discuss waxing their legs. I wish they'd put this drivel on in the middle of the night.
4.25 Murder She Wrote. Jessica discovers that RTE has been infiltrated and controlled for three decades by extreme left wing organisations with links to the old KGB in Moscow. In between times, she solves a murder.
5.20 Nuacht. Gesundheit.
5.30 The Bill. The coppers of Hill Street fail to foil yet another Al Qaeda attack.
6.00 The Angelus. RTE's bell ringing sop to believing Christians.
6.01 News And Weather. A group of communists selectively interpret reality in order to propagandise the general public against the Catholic church, and steer Ireland into atheistic dictatorship. I wouldn't believe the weather out of these idiots, never mind the Lord's prayer.
7.00 Capital D. Magazine series focussing on the people of blah, blah, blah.
7.30 Eastenders. Phil seeks revenge on Nick. British licence fee financed drivel.
8.00 Fair City. Mary walks out on Sean. Paul is shocked when he realises this programme is tripe. Irish licence fee financed drivel.
8.30 Recipe For Success. The recipe for success tonight is: Get access to a government imposed licence fee so that people are compelled to finance your liberal atheistic agendas regardless of whether they watch your television station or not. Cookery programme.
9.00 News And Weather. According to Karl Marx and Barack Obama.
9.30 Prime Time. Opprobrious leftie John Bowman and his panel of cowed conformists (Coward conformists surely? - Ed note) drawn from the worlds of journalism and politics, spend an hour sneering at the Catholic church.
10.10 The Mentalist. A severed hand leads the agents to investigate gambling rings. RTE's idea of entertainment on a Thursday night. I think I'm going to be sick.
11.10 Raw. Jojo goes on a date with one of the restaurant's suppliers. His mind is tormented by one burning question. How did this thing ever get made and/or broadcast?
12.10 News. Go to sleep. We will look after everything. Sleeeeep. George Bush bad. Sleeeeep. Barack good. Sleeeeeeep. Surrrrrenderrrr to Alllll Qaedaaaaa. Nazi Mussssslim overlords are our friends. Sleeeeeeep. Surrrreeennnnnddddeeerrrrrr.
12.15 Oireachtas Report. News from the Irish parliament. Warning: May induce nausea.
1.15 Star Trek Next Generation. Captain Picard and his crew encounter a planet peopled by Irish Times pseuds. The most boring episode of Star Trek ever made.

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