The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

our television listings

(The Irish national fraudcaster, a television station of the liberal atheists by the liberal atheists for the liberal atheists, but financed by believing Christians through government imposed compulsory taxation.)
1.15 Neighbours. Never watched it. No idea what it's about.
1.40 To Buy Or Not To Buy. Never watched it.
2.15 Eastenders. See above.
2.55 The Restaurant. Ditto.
3.25 Grand Designs. And again.
4.25 Murder She Wrote. Jessica infiltrates Al Qaeda and finds a world wide Islamic murder army ready to enslave the free world.
5.20 The Bill. Special day long episode. Miffley thinks he's got Bates bang up to rights for the drug heist. Jenkins is sued by a toe rag gang leader for failing to use enough cliches while making an arrest. Ronson is in trouble with Carter over the new paint job in the office. Bozo gets thrown off the force for having a stupid name. And Wilkins gets transferred from Sun Hill to Hill Street Blues which is actually a vaguely watchable cop show. Guest appearance by Dickson Of Dock Green.
5.45 Nuacht. Here's a hankie.
6.00 The Angelus. The only programme with even a vaguely Christian resonance on RTE. It features exactly one minute of bell ringing. Apparently the best they could do. Here's an idea. Why don't we set up our own television stations? Who exactly is stopping us?
6.01 News. Presented by RTE's in house Obama loving Jihad fans, the Fembo Commie Pinkos.
6.30 Reeling In The Years. Jihadi music show.
7.00 Fresh From The Sea. Clodagh McKenna visits an urchin hatchery. She'll be looking at the formation of urchins, from birth in the inner city, through early membership of street gangs, right up to their first serious stabbing incident and quick release from custody by Judge Liberal.
7.30 Eastenders. Twice in one day. Cor blimey. Strike a light. Whassup guv. Gadzooks, etc etc.
8.00 Fair City. I've never watched this. (But I've financed it.)
8.30 How Long Will You Live? Doctor Mark Hamilton visits blah blah blah.
9.00 News. Followed by News For The Deaf. (They shout it.)
9.30 The Riordans. A commemoration of RTE's famous farming soap opera which ran during the 1960's, 1970's and part of the 1980's. It might only have run for thirty years but I'm telling you people it felt like a millennium. Tonight's commemoration is a smug exercise in self congratulatory back slapping. The programme features cynical atheistic RTE types commending themselves for the civilising effects on the Irish peasantry of their vomitous synthetic plotlines. My memory of The Riordans and the producers' memory of The Riordans differ considerably. I most remember the crassly manipulative qualities of The Riordans as the producers used the programme's rural country scene to cynically promote condom culture, contraceptive pill culture and many more of their own anodyne liberal atheistic agendas. The Riordans purported to represent the way ordinary Irish people felt about life in general but in fact it was usually just a thinly veiled piece of propaganda for condom and contraceptivist mentalities. In fact it was scripted by a dessicated Northern Ireland atheist specially imported from the UK to do the hatchet job on our faith and our traditions. Any woman in The Riordans who didn't use a contraceptive pill was nearly sure to go down with venereal disease, measles, the mumps, Aids, tuberculosis and The Pox all at the same time. If the baby in her womb didn't simply explode first. Men who didn't use condoms generally suffered the indignity of having their penises fall off. There was never a plotline about women dying from malfunctioning intrauterine devices. Or women dying from pulmonary thrombosis brought on by contraceptive pill use. Or women being forcibly and unnecessarily sterilised and/or murdered on the operating table at the hands of psychotic Irish Times reading satanistic doctors like Michael Neary in Drogheda Memorial Hospital. No. Those sort of plotlines might have upset the ideological apple cart. Best to spare the peasants the truth about the lies you were propagating and the damage your malign ideologically inspired dysfunctions were doing to our country. Eh RTE?
10.30 Hair Of The Gods. Clearly RTE doesn't expect anyone to watch this so I'm not going to review it. Okay listen. This programme is about the global trade in human hair. Seriously. It will probably be watched by the producer's mother. Now folks tell me honestly. When are we going to end RTE's broadcasting monopoly? When are we going to deregulate the broadcasting industry? I mean even committed liberal atheistic abortionist left wingers couldn't want to keep inflicting this sort of rubbish on the general populace. Would they?
11.25 Look At The Irish. Programme about Ireland's contribution to The War On Terror. Arf arf. Hardly likely. This programme is actually about some dead photographer who worked on the French Riviera sixty years ago. Thrilling I know. As for Ireland's contribution to The War On Terror. We've done... nothing. Sent a grand total of nought combat troops to Iraq and Afghanistan. Marvellous isn't it? Although we did send limitless numbers of soldiers to help prop up French foreign policy interests in central Africa. Apparently our kleptocratic Fianna Fail government cares deeply about France and French influence in Africa. Why it's almost worth dying for. Go figure.
12.25 News. It's after midnight so obviously we all want another news programme. Barack goooood. Appoint spessshhhalll prosecutor to criminalisssse George Bussshhhhh. Surrenderrrr to Barackkkk. Surrenderrrr to the Jihadisssss. Alllll willll be welllll. Sleeeeeep. Do not adjust your television sets. We are controlling them. Sweeeeet dreeeamssss from The Femmmboo Commmmieee Pinkossssssss.
12.30 Boston Legal. RTE's lawyer fetish continuezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.


Anonymous MissJean said...

"If the baby in her womb didn't simply explode first. Men who didn't use condoms generally suffered the indignity of having their penises fall off."

You know, I really must stop drinking tea while reading your TV listings.

6:24 PM  
Blogger heelers said...

I come with a government health warning.

9:59 PM  

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