the ineluctable modality of hamsters

Evening at the Chateau De Healy.
I'm sitting in the front room disapproving of Southpark.
MC Hamster is on the wing of the armchair washing herself.
Paddy Pup is at my feet exploring his limits as he contemplates the hamster.
The little golden tennis ball is a sight to behold.
Her washing ritual is prodigious.
First, MC rubs down her fur with little hammy hands twisting and turning so as not to miss a spot. Then she scrubs her face repeatedly with delicate circular motions. Finally she even cleans behind her ears by the most contortionate scratching with her back legs.
The ghost of Charles Darwin appears.
"Um James," he says pleasantly. "You realise she's doing that because hamsters are solitary animals. In the wild they cannot depend on other hamsters to groom them. They normally live underground and are constantly getting dirty. That's why their cleaning instinct is so strong."
The noble Heelers shakes his handsome head shakingly.
"You're wrong Charles," quoth me.
"What do you think she's doing?" says he.
"I think she's cleaning herself," quoth me.
"And why so copiously?" asketh Charlie Darwin.
"Because she's a vain little hamster," quoth me.