russia today

Watching Russia Today with the Contessa.

It is a channel that relies heavily on the use of honeys, ie sexy women of which Russia has rather a premium, to lull the viewers into a false sense of security while President Putin takes over the world.

Without anyone noticing he's already quietly absorbed Georgia, Ukraine, and the Eurovision song contest.

The report we're watching features the visit of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Natanyahu to Moscow.

On the screen we see the Israeli chief shaking hands with President Putin.

"There," says the Contessa. "You see. Putin is talking to the Israelis as well as to the Arabs."

I nod grimly.

"I hope Benjamin checks his caviar before he eats it," I murmur darkly.

"Why do you say that?" queries the Contessa.

"Because Putin occasionally poisons people he doesn't like," I aver.

"Oh come on," exclaims the Contessa.

"Remember the attempted poisoning of Yevtuschenko in Ukraine?" I challenge.

The Contessa sighs.

"James," she says with infinite patience. "If Putin had tried to poison Mr Yevtuschenko, Mr Yevtuschenko would be dead."

I found her remark less reassuring than you might think.