the ayatollah khomeini problem page

All this week we've been celebrating Muslim Week at The Heelers Diaries. As part of the celebrations, we're now inaugurating a new problem page. You can send your problems direct to the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini at this website. But be warned. His advice normally involves conversion to a certain peaceloving religion followed by self detonation on a transatlantic aeroplane. (Hint: It ain't Buddhism.)


Dear Ayatollah Khomeini.
My sister is a slag and keeps pinching my boyfriends. What should I do?
Irma Vep, London.

Dear Irma.
Well you should talk to your sister of course. Discuss your concerns. Try to bring things out into the open.
If this doesn't work, don't despair.
At least you've tried.
And at least you've treated her with dignity in trying.
Now I've got to tell you that I think the term "slag" is a pejorative. Sometimes it says more about the person who uses it. You have been sorely provoked, but such a phrase is unworthy of you. Try to think of your sister in a more positive way even if she is behaving in an unacceptable manner.
And look into your own heart for the reasons your anger has taken such an invectival form.
You will find true peace in the mastery of your own emotions.
Now down to practicalities.
Your sister's behaviour is unacceptable.
Is it an option for you to simply give your sister some space?
I'm not asking you to run away from confrontation.
But you don't have to socialise together. It may feel like you're surrendering, but actually you don't even have to bring your friends home. You can reduce the possibility of her negative behaviour impinging on you by taking discreet action to reduce the opportunities for her to meet your friends.
Also I would suggest you develop some new hobbies, not ones that are related to boys and romance, but ones that will get you out of the house and enable you to grow as a person.
Consider photography, or swimming, or learning a foreign language, or all three.
Your own confidence will improve and you will be less likely to feel insecure when dealing with your sister's admittedly poor conduct.
Behaving decisively but with restraint today may eventually allow for the development of a long lasting sisterly relationship between you and your sister, particularly when your sister has matured a bit.
Let me know how things turn out.
The Ayatollah.
PS: Also convert to Islam and blow yourself up on a flight to New York.