scarlet traitors

if i was trendy and stylish and drove an audi

i'd dine with scarlet traitors at sky news

and jeer at sarah palin for saying boy howdy

and intone with mock portentousness the news

of more of our soldiers dying in afghanistan and iraq

useless wars poor young chaps

i knew their fathers well

yes we've lost heavily in this last scrap

if only president bush had never unleashed hell

and if only tony blair had avoided playing his part

when the muslims unfurled their banners on the world

but bush and blair they lied from the very start

their justification for war was really quite absurd

if i say it enough perhaps it will be true

my friends in the bbc keep talking about sexed up dossiers

we make the charges stick by reciting em till we're blue

yes we all must play our part as formal nol prossers

in convincing the british people this war can't be won

our soldiers dying really breaks my heart

i shed a tear for every mother's son

and i care about the muslims too our soldiers killed

they did not deserve to be our victims

they were all peace loving children or civilians

not a terrorist among em

oh dear i think i've got chilblains

how dare president bush fight back he had no right

to retaliate across international borders

who was he to forbid saddam hussein his nukes

just who do they think they are giving muslims orders

our american friends make me want to puke

or appoint another high falutin enquiry

one or other of our enquiries will get them in the end

for we must bring bush and blair to book

for all the blood they've spilled

the pair of thumping crooks

how sad that they forced glum heroes to die for england
or whatever they've been dying for

whilst i've been busy with my glittering media career

and dining with carruthers at covent garden

and when the war is over

and our society has been subsumed into the caliphate

i'll suddenly realise i wasn't an atheist or a communist all along

and convert to the peace loving religion of islam

it's more realistic than other religions at any rate

and it makes things simpler not to have to think for oneself

i will die peaceful having righted every wrong

oh who will buy my lovely country

it's going for a song