masters and douchebags

It was Christmas at the Johnston Press.

Chief Executive John Fry sat at the famous oak desk in the glittering Johnston Press headquarters c/o Dark Satanic Mill, Derbyshire, from which Johnston Press Hyrums & Fyrums had taken over then bankrupted 380 newspapers in Ireland and Britain.

All with money borrowed from idiot banks.

All while paying idiot Johnston Press board members and executives millions of dollars they never earned.

All for nothing.

Now the bottom is falling out.

Since firing James Healy at Christmas three years ago from little known and now near defunct Irish rag The Leinster Leader, the Johnston Press share price on the London Stock Exchange has collapsed from a level of £4 to nothing.

You can't give the things away.

Who knows.

Maybe just maybe the wrong people were getting fired.

Alone in his office John Fry stares at the Johnston Press balance sheets for the end of the year.

Collapsing advertising revenues.

Negligible demographics.

No readers.

"Cor blimey," breathes John Fry.

He grabs his phone.

"Miss Tesbokker," he barks into the receiver. "Take a memo. From this evening all remaining journalists and editors within the Johnston Press group are fired. From now on Cleaning Ladies within the Johnston Press group will double as editors and journalists."

He hangs up the phone and mops his brow.

Suddenly a devilish grin creases his coarsened features.

He stands.

From nowhere the theme tune to British socialist worker pop group Heaven 17's most famous piece of anti capitalist agit prop kicks in.

John Fry sings.

He sings:

"It's a lot like life.

This is our reality.

We borrow the money

To take over your company

A lot like life.

A lot like life.

We call it,

Masters And Servants.

Let's play,

Masters And Servants.

Nern nern nern nern nern nern nern.

We take over your company

And get you down on your knees

We fire you to make back

Our excessive banking fees,

Then steal your pensions,

And retire at our ease

We call it

Masters And Servants

Let's Play

Masters And Servants

Nern nern ner nern ner nern nern ner."

The song is Marxist conflict theory shite being sung by a worthless spiv.

But it is undeniably catchy.