the last knight of europe

Driving through Dublin in the balmy sweetness of a late June.
Ermintrude, my vehicle, is stopped at the traffic lights on Thomas Street.
I glance to my right.
And lo!
There is a car beside me with a Hot Press logo on its door.
Here's larks, thinks I.
Hot Press is a music magazine.
The car is driven by a young tidy looking yuppy.
His window is wound down.
An impulse seizes me.
"Hey Hot Press," I call.
He looks up.
"Yes?" he answers, all smiles and clearly expecting tributes.
"Libelled any good religions lately?" I roar with that famous toothy snarl many of you have come to know and love.
"Not that I know of," he shoots back, grinning congenially.
"You anti Catholic bigots," I scream calmly.
"Oh right," he says in a mollifying tone.
"Go live in Islam," I thunder. "Go live in Islam and see how many of your pornographic crap sheets the Mussies let you publish. Only in a Catholic country would shitweasels like you be allowed to have their say. And you don't even realise how lucky you are. You don't even realise that only in countries influenced by Catholic traditions are half wits like you tolerated in the public square. And then the rest of us are forced to finance your readerless bollocksology by corrupt anti Catholic ultra leftist government Maoist swine like Michael D Higgins who gives you our money to propagate his bigotries. And still we don't rise up and slaughter you. Why? Because we're too f---ing nice. We're too f---ing nice. That's what it is. You vomitous low life scum."
Coherent what!
Well up to my usual standards.
And bear in mind it was off the cuff.
Ah yes.
Go live in Islam indeed.
That old gag.
Not gramatically correct of course but he knew what I meant.
I wound up my window.
A thought struck me.
I wound down my window.
The young man looked at me a bit wide eyed.
"Er, sorry about all that anti Catholic bigot and scum talk," I tell him in kindlier tones, reaching out through the window and dropping a Heelers Diaries business card into his car. "No hard feelings, eh? Gizza job."
Whereupon I drove away.
One other thing I gotta say folks.
The young man was absolutely good humoured, restrained and professional throughout our brief interaction.
He would be a credit to any satanic abortionist atheistic nazi commie rag posing as a music magazine on the planet.