The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

our television listings

RTE
(The Irish national fraudcaster.)
***
9.00 Friends Morning showing of popular, though slightly played, American sitcom. This week Monica gives Chandler a blow job and then sues Independent Newspapers for implying they were having an affair.
9.30 Teletubbies. Light hearted mockumentary about the the fat cat atheist anti Catholic Bolshevicks who run RTE.
10.00 Murder She Wrote. Barack Obama visits Cabot Cove and Jessica has to use all her wiles to indict him for his plans to murder millons of unborn children via Congressional legislation.
11.00 Morning With Archie. Archbishop Diarmuid Martin gives live updates of his attempts to undermine the Catholic Church from within. Special guests: The Usual Four sex abuse victims from the 1970's. (One In Four surely - Ed note.)
12.00 The Midday News. Read by Joe Stalin or some other apparatchik or mistress of an Irish government Minister.
1.00 Neighbours. Australian kiddie porn.
2.00 Thelma Mansfield Live. Humorous Irish retelling of the Dracula legend.
3.00 Gay Byrne Presents. More serious version of the Dracula story. Dissolute Dublin 4 atheist maunders on in a welter of self indulgence. You couldn't get him off RTE if you were to ram a stake through his black heart.
4.00 Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid. Cowboy film caper where moderately agreeable bandits force a nation to finance their anti Catholic television station through compulsory payment of a licence fee.
6.00 Angelus. There will be no Angelus this week as Quasimodo is refusing to ring any bells on such a bigoted television station.
7.00 Kenny Live. New Pat Kenny current affairs programme which RTE has introducted to beef up its pogrom against the Catholic Church.
8.00 Tubridy Tonight. Yawnfest presented by the young scut scion of a Fianna Fail dynasty who dreams of being Pat Kenny.
9.00 Evening News. Read by Chairman Mao et al. (I really hate Al.)
10.00 The Exorcist. Film spoof where poet James Healy casts out the demonic Bolshevicks of RTE by compelling them to work for a living, ie by taking away the hundreds of millions of dollars the citizenry is forced to pay them via the annual television licence fee, forced to pay I tells ee, regardless of whether we approve of their atheistic abortionist ultra leftist free masonic satan worshipping agendas. I mean I don't want to go casting no aspoyshuns.
12.00 Closedown. I wish they really would close it down.

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