The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

great moments in the arab spring

Perhaps the most poignant moment in the Arab Spring unfolded as follows.
Billionaire CNN presenter Anderson Cooper who got his job at CNN not by sleeping with Ted Turner like everyone else at CNN, but for being the son of billionaire New York heiress Betty Scheidenfeld or whatever her name is, (Gloria Steinem. - Ed note), (Gloria Allred you hipster doophus. - Rod note), (Vanderbilt you wastes of space. - Heelers note), was standing on a street corner in downtown Cairo, Egypt.
Anderson Cooper on Main Street Cairo looked cool and composed.
A sort of journalistic Indiana Jones.
Only a churl would mention his innate smugness.
Anderson Cooper and CNN and Sky News and the Nazi channel Al Jazeera had for weeks been telling the world how wonderful the Egyptian revolution was.
At last Anderson was in town himself to do some on the spot reporting.
Incidentally, at precisely the same time as Anderson Cooper and company were calling the Egyptian uprising ice cream, I had been humbly endeavouring to point out to ten people a day on this blog that it was no such thing.
I had asserted that the Egyptian President Hosni Mubarrak was a decent, honorable courageous Statesman who had run the toughest Arab country on the block with a degree of humanity and progressiveness and partnership hitherto unknown in the Arab world.
I had suggested that the present instability meant he was about to be swept aside by Islamists and absolutists who had hijacked and manipulated the popular mood.
I was insisting that President Mubarrak over thirty years had involved Egypt in no wars, had sponsored no terrorism, had resisted the temptation for opportunistic alliances with Communist China or Putin's resovietising Russia, had defeated every Al Qaeda and Muslim Brotherhood attempt to infiltrate, undermine and destroy his nation, had broadened access to wealth and participation in the economic life of his country for ordinary people, had managed to keep some sort of lid on perpetual attempts by Islamists to murder Egypt's Christian churches out of existence, and had conducted his relationships with the West and other Arab countries on a basis of tolerance and mutual respect.
I was in short claiming that the Egyptian uprising was as far from ice cream as one could imagine.
But CNN, Sky, the Nazi channel Al Jazeera and ole Anderson Cooper had been telling you the opposite.
As far as CNN, Sky, the Nazi channel and ole Anderson Cooper were concerned, President Mubarrak was to be lumped in with criminal regimes like the Gadaffis in Libya, the Assads in Syria and the Ayatollahs in Iran.
His time was up.
How crass it was.
How crass they are.
I mean Anderson Cooper et al.
Particularly Al.
I hate him.
But back to the most poignant moment in the Arab Spring.
Anderson Coooper is standing cool and quiffed in the middle of Main Street Cairo.
He is addressing the camera in his cool optimistic voice.
As far as he's concerned the ongoing unrest in Egypt is a glorious people power revolution.
Suddenly a thick set man, swarthy and moustachioed, emerges from the crowd, hits Anderson a rabbit punch in the small of the back and just as quickly melts away.
"Hey," goes Anderson. "That guy just hit me."
Another passing Egyptian shoulder jostles Anderson.
Then another chances a slap.
Then another tries a kick.
Anderson yelps severally.
"Hey, hey. That guy. Hey."
He begins to move.
He is now hurrying in search of some place of safety in Main Street Cairo.
Blows are raining in on him from swarthy, moustachioed types, who melt away as they strike.
"Hey, hey, hey."
The peaceloving revolutionaries keep coming.
Peaceloving freedom fighters keep sidling up to Anderson and hitting him.
His cameraman records the affray for posterity as both hurry though the streets.
Anderson keeps up a constant commentary as though the thugs hitting him could be embarassed at being exposed on camea.
"Hey, hey. That guy. That guy there. You hit me sir. He hit me. Hey. Ouch. Why did you hit me sir? Keep moving Joe. Ouch. Hey. Ouch. That man hit me. Why are you hitting me sir?"
Well folks.
Dont' get me wrong.
I don't mean to endorse the practice of hitting Anderson Cooper in the kidneys or anywhere else.
But for one brief shining moment we got to see the great gulf between the image CNN was presenting of the Egyptian unrest and the thuggish Islamist reality of it.
We got to see the thugs turn on Anderson Cooper of CNN even as Anderson Cooper of CNN was trying to sing their praises.
Indupitably they were hitting him for the crime of being an American.
A Westerner.
Arab Spring indeed.
I'm telling you that this thing is no more an Arab Spring than the Heelers Diaries is Sense And Sensibility.
Yes all the Arab peoples and Muslim peoples have legitimate grievances against their rulers.
And the unrest has erupted contemporaneously across their societies.
But the causes and the grievances and the legitimacies are not constant.
They are distinct.
Look.
I'm telling you the revolutions in Iran and Syria are the most genuine ones as their governments run those countries as psychotisised Soviet era Stalinist police States.
I'm telling you the revolution in Libya was also substantially genuine, although the Gadaffis while still operating a police State had certainly been moderating and were seeking rapprochement with the World. Also the lack of Western ground troops in Libya will mean the revolution there has been hijacked by the Muslim Brotherhood and Al Qaeda.
The other revolutions are questionable in the extreme.
I'm telling you the revolution in Bahrain is a proxy revolution on behalf of the Muslim Brotherhood, Al Qaeda and the Islamic Republic of Iran.
I'm telling you the revolution in Yemen is a proxy revolution on behalf of the Muslim Brotherhood, Al Qaeda, and the Islamic Republic of Iran.
I'm telling you the revolution in Tunisia was the same thing.
And so it goes.
I leave you with the image of Anderson Cooper fleeing down Main Street Cairo.
Poignant indeed.
You know what folks.
I gotta admit.
I did enjoy it just a little.
You see, until that moment I never really got the Arab Spring.
But as anonymous moustachioed thugs emerged in their droves from the crowds on Main Street Cairo to take a puck at Anderson Cooper, I finally understood.
I finally got it.
My heart thrilled with the heady taste of new found freedom.
Bliss was it in that dawn to be alive.
And to be young was the very heaven.
Well, young-ish.

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