The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

My Photo
Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Thursday, November 10, 2011

the satanic rites of the labour party

On the eve of Michael D Higgins victory in the Irish Presidential elections, I received yet another communication from Labour Party Headquarters.
It was like they wanted to score one last point.
One for the road.
Thumps up indeed.
I have done my best to educate these dessicated atheistic abortionist Marxist anti Catholic scum and their wreck of the hesperas Presidential candidate, and I have failed.
They don't know the difference between a thumb and a thump.
If I ever get a chance I'll give em a good thumb in the bawls to help them figure it out.
Ho hum.
The latest Labour Party missive was signed by Nora De Los Breastos.
With her personal office number enclosed.
Clearly I was intended to understand that nothing I could do would ever deter these sad sex maniacal abortionists from trying to contact me.
I suppose if the bitch ever stands for the presidency in America, I will be able to emerge from the woodwork and claim she's sexually harassed me.
Does sending persistently misspelled and woefully infantile emails to me about Michael D Higgins Presidential campaign amount to sexual harassment?
Does sending me her cell phone and personal office phone numbers in spite of my repeated requests that she desist amount to sexual harassment.
Or is the Labour Party just trying to p--- me off.
I'll have to ask Gloria Allred.
The next time we're having sex.
Arf arf.
A little Gloria Allred humour there for all you fembos.
Chance would be a fine thing.
But I digress.
I have tried everything to stop the Labour Party communicating with me.
I've pleaded, cajoled, threatened, begged, insulted, and made random charmingly salacious sexual advances to the aforementioned Nora Maguire.
Nothing works.
The humourless atheistic abortionist quasi Marxist Labour Party anti Catholic black propaganda just keeps pouring into my inbox.
This, note you, even after the Labour Party's chief Press Officer, Shitface du Bose (Dermot O'Gara surely - Ed note) last month sent me a formally worded warning that I was to cease contacting them!
Never mind the fact that the only time I have ever written to the Labour Party or its members was to tell them to stop writing to me.
Never mind that Shitface du Bose had himself promised me that my name was no longer on any Labour Party contact lists.
Bless the invidious c--- sucking c---s.
It is interesting to note that Michael D Higgins pre election tour of Kildare was attended by local parliamentarian Jack Travelling Expenses Wall and his horrendous son Snodgrass Wall who recently inherited Daddy's seat on Kildare County Council.
Dynastic succession, anyone?
Still. Why worry. That's socialism I suppose.
Incidentally Jack Wall is most famous for claiming travelling expenses of 200,000 dollars a year for driving up and down the road to Dublin.
I kid you not.
Back to Soon To Be President Higgins' triumphal progress through Kildare.
The Labour Party had also brought one of their appointees to the senate along for the ride.
A certain Mr John Baldy Bollocks.
(John Whelan surely? - Ed note)
John Baldy Bollocks formerly edited the now defunct Leinster Leader for about five minutes in 2007 during which five minutes he tried to make a name for himself by firing me.
He was turfed out on his ear by senior management when they found out what he'd done.
It took the f--king fart filled Labour Party to make him a Senator.
O tempera, o morons.
Someday they'll get what's coming to them.
Below is the latest communication from the Labour Party to me.
I publish it in the interest of completing the historical record.
I have not troubled to reply to them personally.
They are beneath my social class.

----- Forwarded Message -----
From: Michael D Higgins Press Office <>
To: nora maguire <>
Sent: Mon, 24 Oct 2011 16:07:24 +0100 (IST)
Labour Nominated Presidential Candidate
Monday 24th October 2011
Presidential candidate, Michael D. Higgins's campaign trail returned to
County Kildare again on Saturday.
Accompanied by the Tanaiste and Minister for Foreign Affairs and Trade,
Eamon Gilmore TD, Michael D Higgins was met by Labour Deputy, Emmet Stagg,
in Naas. Deputy Stagg was delighted to bring Michael D on a tour around the
town where Michael D received tremendous support from locals.
Accompanied by Jack Wall, Michael D was delighted to visit Athy and stop by
the Shinty Match in Geraldine Park.
"My vision for the Presidency for the people of Kildare and the rest of the
country is based on four fundamental principles, a Creative Society of
Inclusive Citizenship, in a Real Republic, promoting and strengthening
Ireland's place in the world. I will be a president for all the people
representing all the people.
"I will dedicate my abilities to the service and welfare of the people of
Ireland', this oath is my promise and pledge to the Irish people. I invite
you the people of Kildare to work with me and support me in creating an
Ireland we can all feel part of and proud of.
For Further Details
Nora Maguire
01 618 3462

Heelers footnote: If Nora Maguire turns out to be a sexalacious babe from the planet Rideatron, you are all going to see me eat some quite incredibly humble pie.


Post a Comment

<< Home