The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

a little light relief

Afternoon in the heartland of South Kildare.
The May month is flapping its glad green leaves like wings.
I wander into the health food shop run on progressive principles by my feminist cousin Pauline.
Progressive in the sense that they still serve me.
Arf arf.
The feminist cousin is lurking behind the the cash desk with something white glowing on her lapel.
I hope it's not a Seamus Heaney poem.
That thing might go off.
And lo!
It is not a Seamus Heaney poem.
She was handing out Seamus Heaney poems yesterday for national poetry day but today the air is clear.
Closer inspection reveals that what is stuck to Pauline's lapel is a sticker bearing the word "Ta."
My instincts tell me this is not indicative of the English colloquialism "ta very much," meaning thank you.
Presumably this is an Irish language affirmative which we use on stickers to inform the public that we advocate a yes vote in forthcoming referendums.
My heart swells with pride and solidarity.
"Why Pauline!" I exclaim. "I never knew you felt so strongly about the minimum age of Presidential candidates in Ireland being lowered from 35 to 21. At last an issue where I can applaud your viewpoint because I genuinely don't give a hoot."
Her look spoke volumes.
I realised my mistake.
"Oh," I corrected. "You're not advocating yes in the Presidential Candidates Minimum Age referendum. You're advocating yes in the other referendum, the Same Sex Marriage referendum. Ah. My mistake."
Well folks.
Welcome to Ireland.
There are many possible motives for the Irish government's sense of timing with these referendums.
They might be trying to distract attention from their legalisation of the killing of unborn children following their specific promise prior to the last election not to legalise the killing of unborn children.
They might be trying to distract attention from their payment of 200,000 dollar salaries to their civil service advisers having promised true to form prior to the last election not to pay advisers more than 90,000.
They might be trying to distract attention from their mismanagement of the economy.
They might be trying to distract attention from their failure to jail gangster bankers.
They might be trying to distract attention from the presence of drug gangs projecting fear and intimidation, poison, rape and murder into every town and village and school in Ireland.
They might be trying to distract attention from their own failure to  reform Ireland's endemically individually and institutionally corrupt police force, and their appointment instead of a weak wimminy insider as Chief of Police having first of course  prior to election promised to appoint an officer from outside the force as Chief, and then the gross incompetence of this newly appointed police chief in saying last week "I'm not sure if the IRA still exists or not," you have to imagine her saying it in Penelope Pitstop's voice to appreciate the sheer malevolence of her confusion, (I'm telling you Bitch, they still exist) and this same Police Chief's novel solution to corruption in moving corrupt Superintendants sideways to new precincts as if moving them to a new office five miles up the road from their old office will stop them picking up the phone to dial their IRA Drug Gang handlers, hilarious, no.
They might be trying to distract attention from their failure to take action against White Collar criminal Denis O'Brien who was deemed by a Judicial Enquiry to have founded his billion dollar fortune by bribing then Fine Gael Minister Michael Lowry in order to receive control of State mobile phone licences, and who has since been allowed by Fine Gael to assume overall control of the media group styled Indpendent Newspapers, a media group whose half billion dollar debt to Allied Irish Bank was cancelled when Fine Gael purchased Allied Irish Bank on behalf fo the nation. I kid you not.
They might be trying to distract attention from the complicity of a Fine Gael politican John McCartin in helping IRA proxy Sean Quinn regain control of the proxy companies Sean Quinn had allowed the IRA to use as shell vehicles for the burglarisation of Anglo Irish Bank (note that this is not Allied Irish) the bank with the largest losses of any bank on the planet earth in 2008, losses incurred as IRA agents on the bank's board gave billion dollar loans to IRA agents outside the bank including Sean Quinn and their proxy companies, which loans were then laundered by the Russian Mafia into Russia and elsewhere, while a corrupt, now coveniently deceased Fianna Fail (note not Fine Gael) government Minister called Brian Lenihan spent Ireland into the Third World overnight in order to facilitate the concealment of the IRA's nation busting bank job at Anglo Irish Bank, which concealment was further facilitated by former Fine Gael chief Alan Dukes who accepted the chairmanship of Anglo Irish Bank from Fianna Fail in the aftermath of Brian Lenihan's looting of the treasury in order to give Brian Lenihan's looting of the treasury a veneer of cross party non partisanship, all of this perfidy having been continued and extended under the present Fine Gael government through the policy of throwing good money after bad from public coffers in the direction of the now defunct IRA shell proxy styled Anglo Irish Bank. I mean I don't want to go casting no aspoyshuns.
They might be trying to distract attention from their failure to progress the pattycake trial of IRA proxy (ie mob banker) Sean Fitzpatrick which seems to be in limbo due to the propensity of various individuals connected to the trial to phone in sick and the propensity of various Judge Liberals to warn internet commentators not to tell anyone what is going on.
(Judge Rahmen surely? - Ed note)
(I f--ken suppose so. - Heelers note)
They might be trying to distract attention from their failure to jail gangsters generally and the rise of the IRA as a nationwide international mafia dividing Ireland into personal fiefdoms with its allied people trafficking drug dealing psycho murderers in Al Qaeda, Cosa Nostra, the Russian mob, the Chinese Triads et al. (Particularly Al, I hate him,)
Ah yes gentle travellers of the internet.
Fine Gael and Labour might be trying to do any of this.
But I dare to suggest that the Fine Gael Labour Party government has held the referendum on Same Sex Marriage and the referendum on the Minimum Age for Presidential Candidates, at the one time, held em both together I say, just to p--- me off.
It's working.


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