de ducks publica

Sitting with Phoenicia Baines in a cafe.
There is a display of carved wooden ducks in the window.
Some of the ducks are dressed in coat and tails.
Some are dressed as bridesmaids.
Two are dressed as husband and wife.
I find the whole montage quite charming.
Phoenicia calls over the Manageress who runs the place.
"Are those ducks a comment on gay marriage?"
"They are."
The two preen happily while I look a bit rum.
"Very progressive."
"It's just my way of saying what I have to say."
They're still preening.
I look at the display whose deep import had earlier escaped me.
There are indeed two boy ducks together.
They had looked to me like Best Men having a casual chat.
Two girl ducks.
They were the ones I'd thought were bridesmaids.
And a boy girl couple of ducks.
Boringly married without any progressive variations one assumes.
Well, I'd guessed correctly they were bride and groom.
The Manageress and Pheonicia turn to me for comment but I am gazing into the middle distance.
I am thinking: If this is how it is with cute wooden duck displays in the Tearman Cafe, then who can stand?
But I do not verbalise.
Presently Pheonicia leaves.
The Manageress returns to the kitchen.
I look at the ducks tenderly.
"Don't worry," I tell them.
It is the work of a minute to rearrange the ducks as boy girl, boy girl, and boy girl.
And of course Phoenicia Baines comes back.
Of course she does.
Maybe even to check.
She hurries to the kitchen.
I actually hear her saying: "James moved the ducks."
The Manageress appears.
Phoenicia exits again, damn her.
There follows some Benny Hill hokum.
The Manageress exclaims "James," and returns the ducks to the progressive line up.
I wait till she goes back to the kitchen and move em back to boy girl, boy girl, boy girl.
The Manageress returns again.
Hands on hips.
"Wait," I say.
Then I stand to better demonstrate.
"This duck here is Tom Robinson Duck. He's not the British political activist who has tried to warn about Islamism. He's the Tom Robinson who had a rock band in the 1980s. He sang War Baby which was rather good. And also something about a radio which was brilliant. He also had a song called Sing If You're Glad To be Gay. A lot of people sang that song and died of a big disease with a little name. Then Tom Robinson met a woman he loved. They settled down together and have children. It was too late of course for all the people who died singing his song. Wait. Wait. Just a minute. This duck here is Black Lesbian Feminist Duck. She was wandering around Central Park and she met Mayor De Blasio Of New York Duck. They fell in love. They got married and have children and are still together. These two other ducks as you know have been together from the start and are still together."