seasonal channel surfing at the old chateau

"...Fox News... We report. You decide. But you better decide right or we send the boys round."

Flick to CNN.

"Hi. This is Wolf Blitzer. Here at CNN we're celebrating traditional holiday values with an intense two hour documentary regarding fresh allegations that Donald Trump was somehow mixed up in the crucifixion. We hope you'll stay with us as we explore the true story behind Christmas..."

Flick back to Fox.

"Welcome folks to another edition of Hannity. I'm Sean Hannity. Those ultra left wing main stream media groups may have forgotten but today we at Fox are celebrating 150 days since I dumped my wife. Er, sorry. I mean 150 days since President Joe Biden abandoned Americans in Afghanistan..."

Flick to NBC live White House press conference.

"I'm Jen Sexy. The White House can confirm we are going to end illegal immigration by legalising all immigration. The President feels that immigration should be viewed positively especially since he believes they're all going to vote for him in perpetuity. Yehaaaaaaaaaa!"

Flick back to Fox.

"I'm girl next door type Ainsley Earhart. Join me on Christmas Day for a Fox News celebration of traditional values. I'll be taking you through my two previous marriages and giving a step by step guide to seducing Sean Hannity..."

Flick to the Beeb.

"This is BBC 1. The headlines. There's no God. Your lives are meaningless. Long live Karl Marx and the Freemasons. Thank you for financing the BBC through compulsory taxation. You proles."

Flick back to Fox.

"I'm Brian Kill A Commie, I mean Kilmeade."

"I'm Peter Douche Bag, I mean Doocie."

"I'm Ainsley Breakhearts, I mean Breakhearts."

Flick back to CNN.

"Anderson Cooper here, the billionaire son of billionaire cosmetics moghul Gloria Vanderbilt. I myself am proof positive that CNN is an equal opportunities employer. Any billionaire's son can become a prime time broadcaster."

Flick to the Weather Channel for carol singing.

"Fox News outdoor Christmas Tree roasting in an arsonist's fire

Anti Fa rioters nipping at your toes

Yuletide Carols being banned for being racist

And folks afraid to go outside in case they get shot by the police

Everybody knows

That what doesn't kill you might still seriously debilitate you

So don't say Covid 19 is just the Flu

Or you'll have to be systematically slandered, silenced and incarcerated 

Particularly if you live in Australioo

So have yourselves a merry little Winterval

Yes have yourselves a merry little Winterval

Have yourselvs a merry little Winterval, do!"

Flick back to Fox.

"... Fox News... We report. You decide. But you better decide right or we send Ainsley Earheart around to seduce your husband."