disney corporation signals leftward drift with plans to remake old film favourites featuring enlightened up to date storylines

 

Classic titles to be remade in a modern format include:

"Honey I Transgendered The Kids." A light hearted romp in which modern Dad Rick Moranis puts his toddlers on puberty blockers and forces his teenagers to undergo mutilating sex change operations which don't work after he watches an episode of "My Name Is Jazz" on something styling itself the TLC channel and because he believes a voice in his head called the Pfizer Corporation told him to do so.

"Snow White and the Seven Fossil Fuel Mining Climate Change Denying Red Neck Republican Racists." A fresh take on an old favourite. The new controversial opening scene has Snow White in bed feeling grumpy. Then Grumpy gets out of the bed. It turns out he's in a sulk because Snow White wants to abort their baby. Grumpy is opposed to abortion on principle, particularly since their baby is twenty seven years old. It goes on from there and the light hearted debunking of the sanctity of life never stops.

"101 Million Democrat Party Voting Dalmation Immigrants." Can Grampa Joe import a new Proletariat quick enough to win just one more election ere he dies?

"Return to Bitch Mountain." No cutesy aliens or cuddly cats with mind powers in this version. The remake is a deadly serious biopic of conflict theory feminist Michelle Obama's forthcoming Presidential run, presenting her as the torch bearer for Hillary Clinton's similar effort to get the same job in 2016.