engaging with the culture

 

Flicking through the channels on my neighbour's sexevision.

Getting rid of my own TV clearly hasn't stopped me seeking out the company of other people's TVs.

I come upon John Lennon (may the God he thought his pop group was bigger than, bring him into heaven) singing a soulful rendition of a famous song he wrote in praise of the female sexual gender sort of thing.

John Lennon sings his actual lyrics ie no parody of mine:

"Woman

I know you understand

The little child inside the man

Please remember my life is in your hands

And woman

Hold me close to your heart

However distant don't keep us apart

Remember it's written in the stars...

Doo doo doo doo

Doo doo doo doo

I love you yeah yeah

Now and forever"

Ah yes.

Even the greatest rock stars sometimes run the risk of sounding a bit like one of my parodies of them.

But this was all him.

And let it be said, a man would want to be some kind of a cosmic churl not to be touched by the poetry in that John Lennon song.

With a cry of infantile rage and the snarl I preserve for arguing with the television, I mute the sound and hurl the remote control to the floor.

Cosmic churl as many of you know, is my middle name.

I took it for my confo.

"The problem with that song," I rant bitterly, "is that it's not clear if he's addressing his first wife or the mistress or the second wife, or the groupies, or the mistresses he had during the second marriage."

Presently I come up with an alternative version of the song that seems more historically accurate.

I croon it.

It goes:

"Woman

I must confess

I love your beauty and your tenderness

Towards a man who's a billion dollar success

And woman

I'm writing you a song

To ask forgiveness for my every wrong

And to say I'll love you till something better comes along

I love you

Oh yeah

Until something better comes along

Doo den doo doo doo

I love you

Oh yeah

Until something better comes along

Doo den doo doo

Doo den doo doo

And woman

I must confess

I love you more than the last mistress

Okay maybe just a little bit less

But I l-o-o-o-o-o-o-ve you

Oh yeah

Until something better comes along

Doo den doo doo doo

I l-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ve you

Yeah yeah

Until something betrer comes along"