everybody wants to get into the act

 

A news report informs me that Judge Sheilah Martin of the Supreme Court of Canada has ruled that the term "woman" is inappropriate and should be replaced with the term "person with a vagina."

Later tonight I am visited in my chamber by three ghosts.

The first is the ghost of Barbra Streisand who serenades me soulfully thus:

"I am a person with a vagina in love

And I'd do anything

To get you into my life

And hold you within,

Is that all?

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Over and over again."

When she's gone there is a clumping of bovver boots as John Lennon troops in with a few Archangels who apparantly comprise whatever band he's using now in the afterlife.

He sings with strange high elegaic magnificence:

"Person with a vagina

I must confess

Your love and tenderness

Has truly shown me

The meaning of success

And person with a vagina

I thank you again

For showing me the boy

Inside the man

It must be part

Of some eternal plan

I l-o-o-o-o-ve you

Dodin doo doo doo."

John Lennon and the angels eventually leave.

They are replaced by the ghost of Jim Morrison and a backing group that seems to be composed of Frank Sinatra, Michael Jackson and Prince Rogers Nelson.

Jim Morrison and company caterwaul as follows:

"I got into town about an hour ago.

Ner ner nerdle ner ner nerdle nerdle

Took a look around see which way the wind blow

Ner ner nerdle ner ner nerdle nerdle

With a little girl in a Hollywood bungalow.

Oh she was like a little lady in the city of light

City of light

Ner nern

City of night

LA person with a vagina

Nerdle ner

LA person with a vagina Sunday afternoon

Drive through your suburbs

Into your blues

Into your blues, blues, blues,

Into your blues.

I see your hair is burning

Hills are filled with fire

If they say I never loved you

You know they are a liar.

Druing down your freeways

Midnight alleys roam,

The cops in cars

The topless bars

I've never seen a person with a vagina

So alone

So alone, lone, lone,

So alone.

LA person with a vagina

Nerdle ner

LA person with a vagina

Nerdle Ner

You're my person with a vagina

Nerdle ner."

Then Jim Morrison and friends also departed and I was left alone.

I found the whole experience most quaint.