Louche Times In The Town Of Newbridge

Sharing a crowded lift with the Mammy and about six other people at the Whitewater Centre in the town of Newbridge.
The Mammy nudges me.
"What are you going to buy in the pharmacy?" she asks in a loud voice.
I'm telling you folks they could hear her at the back.
A mild anarchistic lunacy seized my spirit.
"Condoms," I answered back equally loudly. "I'd say about a dozen should be enough to be going on with."
There was a moment's stunned silence in the crowded lift.
The silence was broken by my venerable mother using the F word and striking me physically.
As the doors opened I endeavoured to rescue my tarnished image.
"Ah Ma," sez I, "the aliens made me do it."