The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Monday, May 11, 2009

mere trifles

Driving along the open road to South Kildare.
Paddy Pup is sitting in the passenger seat.
He's singing his own inimitable version of Nutbush, a famous Tina Turner song.
His song goes:

"They call it Snufflebutt.
Oh Snufflebutt.
Snufflebutt city limits.
Dogs are in command in it.
Postmen gotta run through it.
Cats not allowed in it.
You can knock over bins in it.
They call it Snufflebutt.
Wo oh oh Snufflebutt.
Snufflebutt city limits.
Rubber bone outhousies.
Sprinkles on the lamp posties.
Stick throwing subsidies.
Government of and by the puppies
Snufflebutt.
Yo Snufflebutt.
Snufflebutt city limits.
Little ole town.
Made for sniffing around.
With no human laws.
Just perfect for licking paws.
Cos that's what a doggy does,
In Snufflebutt,
Oh Snufflebutt.
Snufflebutt city limits.
Tumbledown jail.
If you get drunk, no tail.
Compulsory to wag in it.
Great to chew a rag in it.
Yeah we call it Snufflebutt,
Oh Snufflebutt,
Snufflebutt city limits."

The expression on my face shows I'm not too impressed.
"If you think you can do any better..." suggests Paddy Pup grumpily.
I need no further invitation.
I sing:

"I study Spanish with Spanishies.
I love my classes.
My teachers are lovely girls,
They've got great asses.
Things are good.
And they're only getting better.
The Iranian proxy army in Gaza,
Will be mounting no more raids.
The future's so bright,
I gotta wear shades."

We drove on in a somewhat awkward silence.
"What's that song about?" enquired Paddy Pup after a minute.
"It's about nuclear war," I replied softly.

4 Comments:

Blogger Adrienne said...

Dear God - that poor dog. Paddy just wanted to take a ride and let his tongue hang out and you serenade him with songs about being turned into a cinder.

And what about meeeeeeeeeee! I wanted to go to bed an hour ago and had to wait for you, only to be reminded that the economy is not my biggest problem. Arggggh!

Did you see where Pelosi is all excited about spending money for birth control to help the economy? After all those little babies cost money.

I'm telling you, James. We have all fallen down Alice's rabbit hole and the only one happy about that is Paddy...

Nighty night...You have a wonderful day. Bless you for being you.

6:47 AM  
Blogger heelers said...

Hey Adrienne.
I have a weakness for whap bam thud punchlines!
If God touches Nancy Pelosi's heart she will become a tireless defender of life.
Bigger miracles have happened.
Right back at you with the blessings.
James

1:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

James, creo que estudias castellano para conocer a las mujeres. Nada más. :)

11:55 PM  
Blogger heelers said...

MissJ.
Tienas razon.
Como siempre.
James

1:09 AM  

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