our television listings
RTE1
(The Irish national broadcaster.)
3.00 The Afternoon Show. Unwatchable RTE hags sit around for an hour and a half, talking about waxing their legs.
4.25 Murder She Wrote. Jessica is sued for plagiarism by Agatha Christie.
5.20 Nuacht. What the hell is this?
5.30 The Bill. Outdated British satire on the liberal ethic in modern policing.
6.01 News. Liberal atheistic anti American view of the day's events.
7.00 Living The Wildlife. Emmy Award winning wildlife cameraman Colin Stafford Johnson blah, blah, blah.
7.30 Eastenders. Dreadful British licence fee financed fervourless joyless tosh set in London.
8.00 Fair City. Dreadful Irish licence fee financed fervourless joyless tosh set in Dublin.
8.30 Corrigan's City Farm. No one cares what this is.
9.00 News. Those lovable lefties are back.
9.30 Prime Time. Current affairs show devised and presented by people who believe Karl Marx, Chairman Mao and Joe Stalin were heroes, and that the hundreds of millions of human beings murdered by atheistic communism on one hand and atheistic medicine on the other are not relevant in any political discussion. According to the geniuses of Prime Time, the Catholic church is and always has been the sole threat to the human race. It is such a privilege to finance these atheistic cruddlers through a compulsory television licence fee. Presenter John Bowman has absolutely no insight at all into the nature of truth. He perceives the contours of reality as little as a spoon perceives the taste of food. But I am the master now. I Darth Vader. Oops. Sorry. Lost it there for a moment.
10.10 Secret Billionaire: The Chuck Feeney Story. Odious piece of bootlicking directed towards an American who has donated 1.2 billion smackeroos to Ireland. The Irish government used it to give 50 percent payrises to nurses, teachers, police officers, bus drivers and civil servants. That is to say, with Chuck's millions sloshing around the country, it was easier for our government to present a veneer of prosperity to international banks in order to justify borrowing billions more from those same international banks to pay nurses, teachers, police officers, bus drivers and civil servants for jobs they were already excessively remunerated to do and which they were already failing dismally to do well. Happily enough, future generations of Irish people will be saddled with the debt run up against the country by our kleptocratic Fianna Fail government in order to buy votes from nurses, teachers, police officers, bus drivers and civil servants. The present generation may whine about a recession but it's the next generation who will grow up in a third world country. Seriously though nursies, teachers, police officers, bus drivers and civil servants, don't you think it's time you took some responsibilty for what you've done? How about giving a little back? Just what you can afford... I wonder will the presenters of this programme ask Chuck how careful he was to ensure none of his money was going to organisations involved in terrorist activities on the island of Ireland.
11.15 The View. I don't know what this is.
11.55 News. Here is the news. RTE is a rubbish channel. There. You need never broadcast a news programme again. Let alone ten of them in the one day.
12.00 Medium. Unwatchable paranormal drama with that Arquette bird in it. Bring back Mannix.
TV3
(The Irish government's sop to those of us who've been seeking deregulation of the broadcasting industry. This is the only independent television station in Ireland and is run without financing from the national television licence fee. Ironically enough, TV3 is the only television station on the planet earth which is genuinely worse than RTE.)
4.00 Coronation Street. Depressing British soporific soap opera.
4.30 Judge Judy. I quite like Judge Judy.
5.30 News. See RTE.
6.00 Xpose. Celebrity gossip show.
6.30 Friends. I quite like Friends.
7.00 Emmerdale. Depressing British soporific soap opera.
7.30 Nothing To Declare. Documentary about Australian customs officers. The most intellectual thing on TV3 today.
8.00 The World's Strictest Parents. Bet they're not Canadians.
9.00 Addicted To Shoplifting. My brain hurts.
10.00 The Tudors. Depressing British soporific soap opera with sex in it, pornography for the middle classes.
11.05 Nightly News with Vincent Browne. An old Marxist atheist abortion advocate (Browne) recreates the world in his own image. Browne is indistinguishable from RTE's Bowman except that he's marginally more hideous. A thoroughly worthless celebration of verbiage. Palpably malign.
12.00 Kingdom. There is chaos in the office. Gloria hasn't shown up for work. Beatrice is plotting to win Alan back by using Lyle, and there's a squirrel in the attic. I think I'm going to cry.
1.00 The X Factor. I am going to cry. It's hopeless. Humanity is finished.
(The Irish national broadcaster.)
3.00 The Afternoon Show. Unwatchable RTE hags sit around for an hour and a half, talking about waxing their legs.
4.25 Murder She Wrote. Jessica is sued for plagiarism by Agatha Christie.
5.20 Nuacht. What the hell is this?
5.30 The Bill. Outdated British satire on the liberal ethic in modern policing.
6.01 News. Liberal atheistic anti American view of the day's events.
7.00 Living The Wildlife. Emmy Award winning wildlife cameraman Colin Stafford Johnson blah, blah, blah.
7.30 Eastenders. Dreadful British licence fee financed fervourless joyless tosh set in London.
8.00 Fair City. Dreadful Irish licence fee financed fervourless joyless tosh set in Dublin.
8.30 Corrigan's City Farm. No one cares what this is.
9.00 News. Those lovable lefties are back.
9.30 Prime Time. Current affairs show devised and presented by people who believe Karl Marx, Chairman Mao and Joe Stalin were heroes, and that the hundreds of millions of human beings murdered by atheistic communism on one hand and atheistic medicine on the other are not relevant in any political discussion. According to the geniuses of Prime Time, the Catholic church is and always has been the sole threat to the human race. It is such a privilege to finance these atheistic cruddlers through a compulsory television licence fee. Presenter John Bowman has absolutely no insight at all into the nature of truth. He perceives the contours of reality as little as a spoon perceives the taste of food. But I am the master now. I Darth Vader. Oops. Sorry. Lost it there for a moment.
10.10 Secret Billionaire: The Chuck Feeney Story. Odious piece of bootlicking directed towards an American who has donated 1.2 billion smackeroos to Ireland. The Irish government used it to give 50 percent payrises to nurses, teachers, police officers, bus drivers and civil servants. That is to say, with Chuck's millions sloshing around the country, it was easier for our government to present a veneer of prosperity to international banks in order to justify borrowing billions more from those same international banks to pay nurses, teachers, police officers, bus drivers and civil servants for jobs they were already excessively remunerated to do and which they were already failing dismally to do well. Happily enough, future generations of Irish people will be saddled with the debt run up against the country by our kleptocratic Fianna Fail government in order to buy votes from nurses, teachers, police officers, bus drivers and civil servants. The present generation may whine about a recession but it's the next generation who will grow up in a third world country. Seriously though nursies, teachers, police officers, bus drivers and civil servants, don't you think it's time you took some responsibilty for what you've done? How about giving a little back? Just what you can afford... I wonder will the presenters of this programme ask Chuck how careful he was to ensure none of his money was going to organisations involved in terrorist activities on the island of Ireland.
11.15 The View. I don't know what this is.
11.55 News. Here is the news. RTE is a rubbish channel. There. You need never broadcast a news programme again. Let alone ten of them in the one day.
12.00 Medium. Unwatchable paranormal drama with that Arquette bird in it. Bring back Mannix.
TV3
(The Irish government's sop to those of us who've been seeking deregulation of the broadcasting industry. This is the only independent television station in Ireland and is run without financing from the national television licence fee. Ironically enough, TV3 is the only television station on the planet earth which is genuinely worse than RTE.)
4.00 Coronation Street. Depressing British soporific soap opera.
4.30 Judge Judy. I quite like Judge Judy.
5.30 News. See RTE.
6.00 Xpose. Celebrity gossip show.
6.30 Friends. I quite like Friends.
7.00 Emmerdale. Depressing British soporific soap opera.
7.30 Nothing To Declare. Documentary about Australian customs officers. The most intellectual thing on TV3 today.
8.00 The World's Strictest Parents. Bet they're not Canadians.
9.00 Addicted To Shoplifting. My brain hurts.
10.00 The Tudors. Depressing British soporific soap opera with sex in it, pornography for the middle classes.
11.05 Nightly News with Vincent Browne. An old Marxist atheist abortion advocate (Browne) recreates the world in his own image. Browne is indistinguishable from RTE's Bowman except that he's marginally more hideous. A thoroughly worthless celebration of verbiage. Palpably malign.
12.00 Kingdom. There is chaos in the office. Gloria hasn't shown up for work. Beatrice is plotting to win Alan back by using Lyle, and there's a squirrel in the attic. I think I'm going to cry.
1.00 The X Factor. I am going to cry. It's hopeless. Humanity is finished.
posted by heelers | 4:24 AM
2 Comments:
James, The View is a commentary show with "journalist" (code for inteviewer of entertainers) Barbara Walters and such intellectual heavyweights as Joy Behar (a former comedienne with a voice like a fishwife caught in a meatgrinder) and Whoopie Goldberg (enough said). It used to have the noted physicist Rosie O'Donnell, who proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that 9/11 was controlled demolition because "fire can't melt steel".
If you were to watch The View, you would destroy braincells, much like sniffing glue but without the corresponding pleasure. So please be careful and make sure there are no small children or elders in the room if you risk it.
Yours,
MJ
Thanks for the health warning MJ!
J
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