beneath the seal of the scimitar

Morning in Iran.
Traffic sighing in the ancient streets of Teheran.
In the ops room beneath the Presidential palace, the buzz of incongruous high technology mingles with excited Persian voices.
"This way Excellency," says Defence Minister Hashemi Snotbosca, ushering his guest to a chair in front of a splendidly arrayed computer console.
His guest is none other than President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, ruler of Iran, keeper of the flame of Jihad, upholder of the spirit of the Mahdi, known to friends and enemies alike as Grinny.
An expectant hush falls on the ops room as the President is seated.
"Now Hashemi," beams President Ahmadinejad, "what's this all about?"
The Defence Minister nods to an aide who twiddles a dial on the concole.
"Our listening devices in the American imperialist prison at Guantanamo Bay are now fully operational," explains Mr Snotbosca. "We are about to receive live transmissions from the new CIA torture sessions specially sanctioned by the infidel dog Barack Obama. We will be able to monitor directly how our men are holding up under the new methods."
There is a crackling of static over the intercom.
President Ahamdinejad cups his hands in his chin and listens intently.
More static over the intercom, then faintly but unmistakeably, the sound of voices.
President Ahmadinejead hears the following exchanges.

American Voice: Tell us the time and location of the next Al Qaeda attack.
Al Qaeda member: Never, you American dog.
American Voice: Tell us.
Al Qaeda member: I will die first.
American Voice: Ah please.
Al Qaeda member: Never.
American Voice: You're no fun.
Al Qaeda member: Never I say.
American Voice: I'll be your friend.
Al Qaeda member: (Sound of groaning.) Ngghhh.
American Voice: I'll make you a cup of tea.
Al Qaeda member: Gnuuuuurgggggggggh.
American Voice: Oh come on. If you don't tell me, I'm going to cry.
Al Qaeda member: Arggggggggh.
American Voice: Please, please, please.

At this point the transmission to the ops room at the Presidential palace broke down.
President Ahmadinejad looked at Defence Minister Snotbosca.
Defence Minister Snotbasca looked at President Ahmadinejad.
It was a Kodak moment.
"What do you think Excellency?" said Mr Snotbosca.
The ruler of Iran shook his head slowly.
His words came but falteringly.
"It's, it's, it's unholy" breathed President Ahmadinejad. "They must know they're breaking the Geneva convention. This is worse than anything the vile infidel imperialist President Bush did. This is beyond vileness. I mean, I'm ten thousand miles away, and I nearly got sick."