nostalgia ain't what it used to be arf arf
During the 1970's, our lives were brightened in the small town of Kilcullen by a plethora of weekly comic books arriving from England.
These lurid publications featured the most outrageously violent nay bloodsoaked depictions of World War Two.
No doubt children all over Ireland and Britain were similarly delighted with the cheery depictions of mayhem and massacre which so thrilled us and which made up the magnificently visceral thoroughly objectionable literary corpus of the Victor, Hurricane, Battle, and Warlord comics
Endlessly recycling simple plotlines, the stories featured a German army crippled by the fact that its soldiers appeared to have been constructed out of pure gelignite.
One can imagine restaurateurs in occupied France appealing to their clientele each evening: "If there are any Germans in the house, would you please go outside to explode."
On looking back at these halcyonic representations of a global conflict where the forces of good actually decided not to surrender to the Jihadis or put their own Prime Minister and President on trial, I am particularly struck by the various comic book authors' depictions of German soldiers in extremis.
Whenever the Nazis got shot or blown up, they would nearly always manage to exclaim something.
Usually something in German.
And these valedictory exclamations in death were the only words of German most of us ever encountered in our childhood.
To this day, if I ever get blown up in Germany, I won't have to worry about coming up with a good exit line.
Ordering lunch though would be a problem.
In the course of a year as children we would view the deaths of thousands of Nazis in the various comics.
The Germans in them all seemed to draw on a similar well of inspiration when shuffling off the mortal coil.
There were a few stock phrases which they used.
We didn't understand these poignant words but there was no doubt in our minds that they brought the stories to the ultimate heights of elevated drama.
I cannot envision Germans dying any other way.
So here it is.
For all you who've been waiting...
Top Ten Last Words For German Soldiers In World War Two Comics
1. "Was ist das?" It means: "What's this?" Favoured by U Boat commanders who have just discovered an explosive device left in their bunk bed by Lord Peter Flint.
2. "Himmel." It means: "Heaven." The all purpose shout for a company of krauts who've wandered in front of Union Jack Jackson's machine gun nest.
3. "Gott in himmel." Favoured by more religious Germans while being machine gunned by Union Jack Jackson.
4. "Mein Gott." Frank expression of admiration by dying Nazis at the ingeniousness of a British ambush.
5. "Achtung, schnell, aieeeeee." It means: "Look out, hurry, this really hurts." The preferred phrase of truck drivers who've spotted a British mine placed by Charlie Wilson in the road but haven't had enough time to avoid it.
6. "Teufel." It means: "Devil." Really angry Germans would say this if they got caught in a cross fire or wandered into a mine field. In Kilcullen we all presumed it was pronounced "Chuffel." In what passes for my adult life, some kindly Germans (thanks Andrea) have informed me that they say it more like "toy-full." No. It's just not the same.
7. "Donner Und Blitzen." This one strains credulity. Are we to believe that Germans who've sustained mortal wounds in a flame thrower sweep really intone the names of Santa Claus' reindeer? Surely Warlord was indulging in a flight of fancy with this one.
8. "Nein." Apparently a comment on the unfairness of it all or a last polite rejection of the whole notion that Germany could ever lose this war to such gentlemanly opponents. It means: "no."
9. "Verdammte Britisher schwein." It means: "Damned British pig." Less polite Germans furious at dying beneath the wheels of a Sherman tank would come out with this one.
10. "Arghhh." The most popular all purpose exit line among Nazi soldiers on both the Western and the Eastern Front and indeed in every theatre (and comic book) of the war. Particularly popular with the Afrika Korps in Egypt. Also borrowed for copious use by the Imperial Japanese. One of the great disappointments of my life has been discovering that "arghhh" is not German at all.
These lurid publications featured the most outrageously violent nay bloodsoaked depictions of World War Two.
No doubt children all over Ireland and Britain were similarly delighted with the cheery depictions of mayhem and massacre which so thrilled us and which made up the magnificently visceral thoroughly objectionable literary corpus of the Victor, Hurricane, Battle, and Warlord comics
Endlessly recycling simple plotlines, the stories featured a German army crippled by the fact that its soldiers appeared to have been constructed out of pure gelignite.
One can imagine restaurateurs in occupied France appealing to their clientele each evening: "If there are any Germans in the house, would you please go outside to explode."
On looking back at these halcyonic representations of a global conflict where the forces of good actually decided not to surrender to the Jihadis or put their own Prime Minister and President on trial, I am particularly struck by the various comic book authors' depictions of German soldiers in extremis.
Whenever the Nazis got shot or blown up, they would nearly always manage to exclaim something.
Usually something in German.
And these valedictory exclamations in death were the only words of German most of us ever encountered in our childhood.
To this day, if I ever get blown up in Germany, I won't have to worry about coming up with a good exit line.
Ordering lunch though would be a problem.
In the course of a year as children we would view the deaths of thousands of Nazis in the various comics.
The Germans in them all seemed to draw on a similar well of inspiration when shuffling off the mortal coil.
There were a few stock phrases which they used.
We didn't understand these poignant words but there was no doubt in our minds that they brought the stories to the ultimate heights of elevated drama.
I cannot envision Germans dying any other way.
So here it is.
For all you who've been waiting...
Top Ten Last Words For German Soldiers In World War Two Comics
1. "Was ist das?" It means: "What's this?" Favoured by U Boat commanders who have just discovered an explosive device left in their bunk bed by Lord Peter Flint.
2. "Himmel." It means: "Heaven." The all purpose shout for a company of krauts who've wandered in front of Union Jack Jackson's machine gun nest.
3. "Gott in himmel." Favoured by more religious Germans while being machine gunned by Union Jack Jackson.
4. "Mein Gott." Frank expression of admiration by dying Nazis at the ingeniousness of a British ambush.
5. "Achtung, schnell, aieeeeee." It means: "Look out, hurry, this really hurts." The preferred phrase of truck drivers who've spotted a British mine placed by Charlie Wilson in the road but haven't had enough time to avoid it.
6. "Teufel." It means: "Devil." Really angry Germans would say this if they got caught in a cross fire or wandered into a mine field. In Kilcullen we all presumed it was pronounced "Chuffel." In what passes for my adult life, some kindly Germans (thanks Andrea) have informed me that they say it more like "toy-full." No. It's just not the same.
7. "Donner Und Blitzen." This one strains credulity. Are we to believe that Germans who've sustained mortal wounds in a flame thrower sweep really intone the names of Santa Claus' reindeer? Surely Warlord was indulging in a flight of fancy with this one.
8. "Nein." Apparently a comment on the unfairness of it all or a last polite rejection of the whole notion that Germany could ever lose this war to such gentlemanly opponents. It means: "no."
9. "Verdammte Britisher schwein." It means: "Damned British pig." Less polite Germans furious at dying beneath the wheels of a Sherman tank would come out with this one.
10. "Arghhh." The most popular all purpose exit line among Nazi soldiers on both the Western and the Eastern Front and indeed in every theatre (and comic book) of the war. Particularly popular with the Afrika Korps in Egypt. Also borrowed for copious use by the Imperial Japanese. One of the great disappointments of my life has been discovering that "arghhh" is not German at all.
posted by heelers | 1:38 AM
2 Comments:
"Verdammte Britisher schwein." They must have been the Nazis who died slowly, as this doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.
I'm laughing at the thought of you as a young fella, curled up in the corner of your bed or under a tree, engrossed in the exploits of Union Jack Jackson. (What a fun name to say!)
Re Verdammte Britisher schwein... You've got to sass it.
James
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