home thoughts from a heelers

Wandering down Main Street Kilcullen.
Bright clear September afternoon.
My hear soars.
Suddenly I begin singing Clifford T Ward's song Home Thoughts From Abroad.
The one in which he references the English poets.
Work of art again.
Yeah there's as much art in this age as in any age.
You just have to know where to look for it.
And if you're reading my blog, obviously you do.
Arf, arf.
Clifford T Ward was another of those rarities.
A true poet.
Home Thoughts is just effortless.
I remember the album had a picture of Clifford looking dozy and long haired and 1970's-ish.
Like my uncles and brothers used to look up until 1995 when they finally figured out the 1970's were over.
I had seen that album as a child and thought it must contain pure undiluted cretinism.
I thought I'd hit the mother lode of idiocy.
Then I listened to it and realised how wrong I was.
Pure poetry.
Impossibly poignant.
Heart on sleeve.
But sincere heart on sleeve.
Free verse.
Occasional rhymes that don't try to hard.
Elevated lyric.
Swelling theme.
Best song of all time.
God bless you Clifford T Ward wherever you are.
You were one of the good guys.

And so I'm singing:

"I could be a millionaire,
If I had the money.
I could live in a mansion.
No I don't think I'd like that.
And I could write a song that would make you laugh.
Now that would be funny.
And you could tell your friends in England you'd like that.
Now I've chosen aeroplanes and boats to come between us.
And a line or two on paper wouldn't go amiss.
How is Worcestershire?
Is it still the same between us?
And do you still use television to occupy your mind?
Am I being too unkind?
It's just I'm very lonely.

Can you stand another week?

Does the cistern still leak?

Or have you found someone to mend it?

Oh and by the way.
How's your broken heart today?
Is that mended too?
Mines not.
I miss you.
I really do.
I've been reading Browning
Keats and William Wordsworth
And they all seem to be saying the same things to me
I like the words they use
And I like the way they use them
Home Thoughts From Abroad is such a beautiful poem
And I know how Robert Browning must have felt
When the Johnston Press took over his newspaper
Would they fire all the long term staff
And hire cheap teenagers to try and make back their exorbitantly cretinous investment
Like they did at every other newspaper they took over
Like when they paid 138 million for the Leinster Leader
Which was generating maybe a million a year in profits
And that's if you believed our Accountancy Tricks Department
The real figure was nothing like that
Twits
They bought the paper and didn't even get ownership of the buildings
Absolute clowns
They paid out 138 million
And still ended up paying rent for the premises
I kid you not
And those were the people who fired me
You couldn't make it up
Oh and by the way
How's The Scotsman trading today
Has that gone bust too
Or have you found someone to mend it
And how are things at the Blackpool and Stockport Advertiser

Is that kaput too
And do you still use parvenus

To downsize the staff

Every time the wind changes
Am I being too unkind?
You low rent scum.
Do you think you can just walk away?
You'll answer to God
Those of you haven't already answered by being fired themselves after firing so many other people.

Oh and by the way
What's the staff attrition rate at the Johnston Press today
I gotta tell all you teenagers out there
You'd have a better chance of drawing a pension working in a corner shop for some Al Qaeda supporting Muslim
It would be a cleaner more moral environment too
I despise you
I really do.
I could be a millionaire
If I had the money
I could work as a Johnston Press executive
No I don't think I'd like that.
We could take over newspapers
With money borrowed from idiot banks who are themselves collapsing
Faster than you can say Fake Accounts
And you could tell your friends in England you'd like that
Now I've chosen the high moral ground to come between us
And a blog that reaches the parts your failing newspapers seem to miss

I mean actual readers
How is Derbyshire?
Is it still the same between us?
Do you still use phone tapping equipment to occupy your minds?
Am I being too unkind?
You disgusting amoral swines

Can you last another week?
Does your board of managment still leak
Tip offs to me about what you're doing
Oh and by the way
By my last reckoning everyone involved in the decision to fire me is either dying, dead or congenitally impoverished.
Makes you think doesn't it Fry?
You'll answer to God.

Won't you
Yeah.
I despise you.
I really do."