beauty and the beastly

MY INTERVIEW WITH THE ROSE OF TRALEE
(Interview conducted in the queue at the Cafe Des Beaux Parvenus in Newbridge Silverware.)

Me: I've just been having a most interesting chat with your mother. I was saying how amazing it was, you winning the Rose Of Tralee. Had to have been a fix. A right royal ready up. I mean two girls from the same town winning it in the space of a couple of years. Tell me the truth. How was it done?
Her: Ha, ha.
Me: And I suppose you hate each other as well.
Her: No, she's lovely.
Me: Is it sort of meow, meow, slash, slash, fingernails at dawn type thing?
Her: Not at all. I met up with her last week. We get on really well. I think she's great.
Me: Oh come on Claire. You can tell me. Where would I publish it anyway? No newspaper in Ireland would touch me with a forty foot barge pole.
Her: That sounds true.
Me: And another thing. Why are they serving you here ahead of me? Last time I checked I was ahead of you in this queue. As Rose Of Tralee, are you automatically entitled to get served ahead of people who've been queueing longer?
Her: I'll lend you the tiara if you like.