The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Monday, November 14, 2011

the heelers report into fine gael's disastrous performance in the irish presidential elections

For the attention of: Prime Minister Enda Kenny
Copies: To everyone else.

1. The Fine Gael vote in the Presidential elections fell to an historic low point of seven percent.

2. The figure of seven percent overstates the actual vote. Since around 45 percent of people, half the population, did not vote at all, the true figure voting Fine Gael as a percentage of those eligible to cast a ballot, would be closer to two percent.

3. Jim Mitchell who stood for Fine Gael seems like a decent enough chap and should have attracted at least as high a vote as Fine Gael's previous historic loser duds, particularly the northie chap who stood in 1997, whatsisface, oh I couldn't be arsed looking it up, oh Austin Currie, that's it, who got fully 15 percent of the vote when he didn't even want to win.

4. The Fine Gael vote has collapsed for reasons unrelated to Jim Mitchell or Jim Mitchell's gangster cousin.

5. An internal Fine Gael report is at present being prepared into the collapse of the Fine Gael vote. This report is being prepared by a gombeen called Charlie Flanagan. Charlie Flanagan inherited his parliamentary seat from his Daddy. His Daddy Oliver J Flanagan was famous for claiming there was no sex in Ireland before television. That's the class of people they are. Charlie Flanagan like his father is a would be crowd pleaser although unlike his father he attempts to please the mob by sneering at the Catholic Church whereas his father always attempted to please the mob by pretending to be a member of the Church.  Charlie Flanagan was Jim Mitchell's campaign manager in the Irish Presidential elections. Charlie Flanagan is incapable of either identifying or telling the truth as to why the Fine Gael vote has collapsed.

6. The Fine Gael vote has collapsed because Charlie Flanagan of Fine Gael recently called for the expulsion of the Vatican ambassador from Ireland.

7. The Fine Gael vote has collapsed because Alan Shatter of Fine Gael has introduced legislation to compel Catholic priests to tell Alan Shatter of Fine Gael what is confessed to priests in the sacrament of Confession. Neither the Nazis or the Communists ever attempted such an outrage.

8. The Fine Gael vote has collapsed because Prime Minister Enda Kenny, a vacant, vascillatory, vacuous, hairstyle of a man, recently issued a manipulative, malign, malicious, and crassly mendacious statement claiming the Vatican had obstructed Ireland's enquiries into child abuse. When challenged as to how, when or where the Vatican had done such a thing, Enda Kenny at first refused to answer, and then issued a statement through his spin doctors to wit: "I wasn't talking about any specific case. I was merely representing the anger of the Irish people." Yet, he had told a very specific nay a very grotesque lie. And the anger of the Irish people is now being represented by an historic collapse in the Fine Gael vote to two percent of the population.

9. The Fine Gael vote has collapsed because Fine Gael has permitted its coalition partner Ruairi Quinn of the Labour Party to attempt a take over of Catholic Church run schools.

10. The Fine Gael vote has collapsed because Fine Gael has permitted pharmacies in Ireland to begin stocking abortion pills for the first time in the history of our nation.

11. The Fine Gael vote has collapsed not only because Fine Gael has permitted pharmacies in Ireland to stock abortion pills, but also because Fine Gael has expressly and deliberately permitted those same pharmacies to dispense abortion pills to children. The issuing of abortion pills to children has been mandated
for pharmacies by Fine Gael without doctor's prescriptions and without parental consent or knowledge. Under Fine Gael's governorship the pharmacies are being permitted to give abortion pills to whoever they want under whatever circumstances they want. I kid you not.

12. The Fine Gael vote has collapsed because Fine Gael is now the most anti Catholic government in Europe.

13. The Fine Gael vote has collapsed because Fine Gael was elected by Irish people seeking an alternative to Fianna Fail kleptocracy, and yet since taking office Fine Gael has continued to pour State funds into the collapsed Fianna Fail gangster bank Anglo Irish which has been renamed in an attempt to confuse the public.

14.The Fine Gael vote has collapsed because Fine Gael has also used public funds to purchase the collapsed gangster bank Allied Irish Bank (Not to be confused with Anglo.) Fine Gael has spent at least ten thousand million dollars in State funds on a worthless shell of a bank taking it into State ownership and allowing its staff to continue to remunerate themselves with million dollar salaries from a bank that has no money except public money. It is worth noting that thirty years ago a previous Fine Gael atheist prime minister called Garret Fitzgerald used public funds to bail out the same Allied Irish Bank without insisting on any return to the citizenry. The wheel is rigged and it's the only game in town. It's also worth noting that atheistic marxian Finance Minister Ruairi Quinn's brother Lochlainn is a Board Member at Allied Irish Bank. Lochlainn recently purchased a vineyard in France for more than 30 million dollars. Under the terms of the Fine Gael bailout of Ruairi Quinn's brother Lochlainn's bank, Lochlainn Quinn will be keeping his vineyard and whatever other millions he has sequestered during his time overseeing Allied Irish Bank's utter collapse into malfeasant bankruptcy. He will paying a grand total of nought pounds towards the rescue of the bank he destroyed. So no worries there then.

15. The Fine Gael vote has collapsed because Fine Gael has continued the Fianna Fail tradition of corrupting and colonising the judiciary by appointing party apparatchiks as Judges.

16. The Fine Gael vote has collapsed because Fine Gael has continued the Fianna Fail tradition of invidious patronage by appointing its supporters to the Boards of State companies.

17. The Fine Gael vote has collapsed because Fine Gael is a deeply diseased atheistic party.

18. The Fine Gael vote has collapsed because Fine Gael is being run from the shadows by unaccountable and unprincipled spin doctors, druggies, whoremasters, abortionists, gangsters and pornographers.

19. The Fine Gael vote has collapsed because Fine Gael is more vilely and blatantly kleptocratic than even that most odious of odiousnesses the Fianna Fail party which under Aherne and the Lenihans was responsible for the theft of the nation.

20. At least the Fianna Failers had souls.


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