noises off

Live Coverage Of United Nations Envoy Kofi Annan's Consultations With Basher Assad President Of Syria
(Heelers Diaries exclusive)
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Kofi: (In serene, warm, well modulated tones.) "The international community is concerned about the rising levels of violence in Syria."
(Sounds of explosions from the street.)
Basher Assad: "There is no violence here."
(Boom, boom. bathoom, Aieeeeeeeee.)
Kofi: "I accept your point. But there are concerns about the breakdown in relations between the Syrian government and its opposition."
Basher: "Any solution must be negotiated."
(Sounds of tanks firing into a crowd of people.)
Kofi: "There are fears that the country could descend into civil war."
(Sounds of machine gun fire. A woman screaming: "My babies, my babies.")
Basher Assad: "The sovereignty of Syria may not be tampered with by external powers. Except for Russia of course."
(Shrieks, rifle fire, missiles detonating in apartment buildings nearby.)
Kofi: "I recognise that your government has legitimate concerns about the interventionist aspirations of the Americans, the British and other Western countries."
(Sounds of flame throwers and the screams of the immolated. The window sashes in the plush office shake gently.)
Basher Assad: "The Syrian government favours peace. We have no intention of persecuting anyone. Vladimir Putin told me yesterday that he thinks I'm doing a splendid job."
(A tremendous series of explosions from outside.)
Kofi: (Sipping his tea.) "I am calling on the opposition and your own forces to stop the violence."
(Missile fire and the sound of collapsing buildings.)
Basher Assad: "I respect your call. There will be no further violence from the government as of this moment."
(For a moment Kofi's reply is inaudible over the machine guns, grendades, sniper fire, flame throwers, missiles, helicopter gunships, throat slittings, dismemberments, rapes, baby killings, and tankfire.)
Kofi: "... and I'd like to thank you for seeing me at such short notice Mr President. I will be urging the opposition to lay down their arms in recognition of the assurances you have given me."
(Basher pauses as sounds of soldiers raping women and children then slitting their throats infiltrate the room from the corridor outside. In spite of himself, Kofi raises a regal eyebrow imperceptibly. It is the most emotion he's shown since his visit began.)
Bashar: Thank you for your time. The people of Syria are in your debt.
(All further conversation is rendered impossible by a renewed cacophony of explosions, screams, and general mayhem. Kofi Annan and Basher Assad stand and embrace briefly. Then they walk arm in arm together to a sink in the corner of the office where they ritually attempt to wash the blood from their hands.)