The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

the credit where credit is due column

Strolling the aisles at Lidl supermarket.
I gotta tell ya folks.
Lidl is the little supermarket that saved Ireland.
While the nurses, teachers, cops, mafia Judgies (big shout out to Judge Martin Nolan, great to see you're still in action there with that one year sentence for the Junkie who burnt down the city centre property so that its mafia owners could collect the insurance, clever aren't you, a year for the Junkie mafia hireling, while you jailed an innocent man for six years for mislabelling garlic as apples, hilarious no), indolent soldiery and even more indolent civil servants have continued to extort farcical banana republic pay rises from government via their IRA run trade unions, effectively gouging their way through the recession at all our expense, (I mean I don't want to go casting no aspoyshuns), yes, while the coiffered hoodlums of the State sector have been mugging us all I say, the people of Ireland have survived courtesy of the value for money, professionalism, genuine work ethic and employment opportunities provided at Lidl.
I'm sure Lidl will appreciate my endorsement.
The approval of the anti Jihad demographic is very much sought after in corporate circles these days.
So here I am walking down the aisles seeking a tasty crunchy snack at low low prices.
I start singing Marlene Dietrich's most famous song:
"Where have all the Hula Hoops gone?
Long time passing.
Gone, gone.
All the Hula Hoops are gone."
As it becomes clear that for once there are no Hula Hoops to be had, I approach a lissom blonde Lidl staff member of the Polish persuasion, preening in front of the milk shelves.
She turns and her uniform tugs intriguingly in various directions.
(One of mine Heelers? - George Lucas note)
(Homage - Heelers note)
I have a strange urge to sing to her.
I sing:
"Vere are all ze Hula Hoops gone?
Long time passing.
Gone, gone.
All ze Hula Hoops are gone."
This time I'm doing it with the full Marlene Dietrich accent.
The lissom blonde looks up from her world.
She appears genuinely amused.
(Bemused surely? - Ed note)
In the glimmering half light of the milk counter, I saw no shadow of another parting.


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