The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Friday, November 10, 2006

what lies beyond

Barnies Cafe, Westmoreland Street, Dublin.
Car lights swirling by the window towards O'Connell Street bridge.
The litterati, the glitterati and the teenage-scenti chattering at the surrounding tables.
I reached for a newspaper.
Suddenly my world dissolved into a sea of pain.
I was still sitting. Nothing had happened. I hadn't fallen. No one had hit me. But all I was conscious of was pain.
I didn't feel fear.
At once I knew what it was.
Last week some one from my former employers in the west of Ireland, rang to say one of the bosses was dying.
I had reacted with indifference.
In fact I had turned to God and said: "I can't pray for him. I don't care at all what happens to him."
And now in the cafe by an ordinance of heaven, I'd been given a moment to know just what he was going through.
The pain radiated from my chest and engulfed the rest of me.
Still I was unafraid. Still calm. God wasn't terrorising me. He hadn't threatened me. I do not even believe my earlier prayer had displeased him. But he had answered me by showing me something of what was at stake.
It wasn't nice though. I've never felt anything like it.
I sat amid the evening crowd unnoticed by them and in agony. Once more I addressed the creator of the universe.
"Alright I understand," I said. "I couldn't wish this on anyone."

3 Comments:

Blogger Schneewittchen said...

Er...James, at the risk of being annoying, could you just go to the doc and get your heart checked anyway. Pleeeease.

3:18 AM  
Blogger heelers said...

Schnee, you know if I so much as stub my toe Doctor Barn gets consulted!
I envisage a casual aside over coffee. Normally this is how I hit him for freebie medical advice...
"Er Barn you should see Dark Star. Absolutely hilarious. By the way are sudden excruciating pains in the chestal area radiating outwards to the extremities, anything to worry about?"
My contract with the Almighty does not preclude me from hedging my bets!!!
James

4:17 AM  
Blogger Genevieve said...

I'm with Schnee. Don't dally. Chest pains are nothing to fool around with.

5:33 AM  

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