hence wilt thou lift up olympus

Coffee in the White Water Centre with atomic physicist Phil.
"I want to run my new scientific theory past you," sez I.
He groaned.
Phil is no great fan of scientific theories from lads who have no scientific qualifications.
"What is it?" he said eventually.
I looked around to make sure no rival scientists were listening at adjoining tables.
"Listen," I said conspiratorially. "I think I've just refuted Einstein."
"Oh God," said Phil."
"No listen," I persisted. "Science accepts two main theories to account for the universe. Relativity which is Einstein's. And Quantum. But science also accepts that both cannot be true. One of them has to be wrong."
"And you think Einstein is wrong."
"I think they're both wrong."
"Oh God," said Phil again, more fervently than before.
If you'd heard him gentle readers, you might have thought he was having a religious conversion.
It was time to unveil my grand theory of light.
A theory formulated initially as a dissent from scientific conformism.
A theory which had latterly started to take on a life of its own.
"This is my theory," sez I. "Both Relativity and Quantum are based on the notion that light travels at a certain speed."
"And so it does."
"And so it doesn't."
"What do you mean?"
"Light has no speed," I told him. "It has no speed because it has no mass. That's my theory."
"You're mad."
"The line between madness and genius is a fine one Phil. Assist me with my experiments and you may decide which I am."
"I already know which you are."
"Something without mass cannot have a speed Phil. The nature of light has been absolutely misunderstood by all modern scientific theories. Light is an instantaneous displacement of change in a medium. Because it takes us time to observe it or measure it, scientists have ascribed a speed to it. But they are wrong to do so. And all the theories they've built on this misplaced notion of light speed, are also wrong. Completely wrong."
Phil stared.
"Light does have a mass," he murmured. "Well it has something. There's a little package of energy or something."
"There's nothing," I cried. And if there's something, my theory is wrong."
"Rubbish."
"Nay Phil. Nay, nay and thrice nay. Both Relativity and Quantum are rubbish. Worse. They are works of the imagination concealed behind heaps of mathematics. Quite simply they are lies."
He left soon after that.
I was well pleased with myself.
One of my few remaining pleasures in life is undermining the simple faith of atomic physicists.