living legends

Costa Cafe Naas.
The Doctor known as Barn thrust a newspaper in front of me.
"Have a read of this," sez he.
I saw that the paper in question was last week's Leinster Leader.
It was opened on the editorial page.
The new editor of the Leinster Leader had written as follows:

"Perhaps it is no consolation to know that Ireland is not the only country seeing acute economic difficulties. After all, in times of crisis, it is all most of us can do to look after ourselves. But let us spare a thought for those in France who rely on sales of wine for their incomes. Perhaps mirroring a terrible shooting of two young soldiers in Northern Ireland, a winery in the Languedoc Roussillon area of French (sic) was the victim of a bomb attack last week. Media reports said that the attack, from which nobody was injured (sic), is believed to be the work of a clandestine group of angry winegrowers who attack symbols of their perceived enemies or competitors."

I looked up at my brother.
"Pretty crass," I murmured. "He seems to be juxtaposing a minor piece of arson in France with the killing of two British soldiers in Northern Ireland. Clearly the Johnston Press have hired yet another genius to sip from their poisoned chalice at the Leinster Leader."
Daktari grinned.
"Read on," said he.

I did read on.
The new editor drivelled on across eight columns for what seemed an eternity.
He finished with this classic piece of high rhetoric:

"As Ireland faces economic difficulty let us hope that those charged with guarding civil society will have the wisdom not to create future problems and guard against injustice. Let us hope that those who hold real power at different levels will desist from slick, sharp, harsh, overly competitive practices which are deemed to be unjust."

I lowered the newspaper slowly.
"What a magnificent display of syncopated moronism," I breathed.
"Thought you'd like it," grinned Doctor Barn.

Ah bless.
This new editor at the Leinster Leader must really care.
He must be a fine upstanding humanitarian whose one limitation in life perhaps relates to his basic inability to write coherent sentences in the English language.
Still the Johnston Press picked him as editor and they must know what they're doing.
I wonder does he mean to include the owners of newspapers in his calls for a general renaissance of social conscience.
Now here's a question for the new editor of the Leinster Leader whose gentle soul so obviously burns with such an incontrovertible passion for justice.
After firing me, what did the Johnston Press do with my pension contributions which had been paid weekly for ten years?
What did they do with my pension Bollicky?
Where is it Justice Man?
Did they take it down the boozer?
Did they use it to pay off their "retiring" Chief Executive whose retirement had been announced "well in advance" and was nothing to do with the collapse of the Johnston Press share price to a level of five pennies?
I wonder.
Did they spend my pension on French wine?

You miserable hypocritical pious bastards.