The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

irish supreme court chortles

The Irish Supreme Court was in session.
Three bewigged Judges sat in regal splendour amid the wood panelling and parvenus.
They were on an elevated platform facing down onto the courtroom.
Judge Liberal Number One read out their verdict.
"On charges of being disrespectful to Ireland's greatest living poet and on charges of being scruff with no clue how to run a newspaper we find the Johnston Press... guilty."
A feverish murmur of surprise electrified the courtroom.
John Fry, Chief Executive Officer of the Johnston Press, leapt to his feet.
"Cor blimey," he shouted. "But we thought you guys hated Heelers as much as we do. Cor blimey."
His attorney restrained him.
Judge Liberal Number One spoke again.
"The sentence of this court is that John Fry be compelled to pay James Healy the sum of one pound."
Another murmur through the courtroom.
Judge Liberal Number Two piped up:
"And John Fry is also sentenced to one hour in prison."
Murmur, murmur, murmur.
Judge Liberal Number Three chimed in:
"And John Fry will also be taken from this place to an appropriate location where we will remove one of his testicles."
Terrific murmurs.
Fry was on his feet again.
"Only one?" he roared defiantly.
The Judge Liberals banged their gavels for order.
Judge Liberal Number One leaned forward.
"We haven't said what we're going to do with the other one yet sonny," he grinned.


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