The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Thursday, September 17, 2009

three strings hath my hamster

Night time at the Chateau de Healy.
The noble Heelers removes his jumper and shirt, preparatory to heading bedwards.
He stands for a moment, an undeniably magnificent specimen of humanity.
A small piece of detritus falls from his belly button.
He picks it up.
Close examination reveals that it is a half chewed fragment of something white.
Possibly at one time a member of the apple family.
Heelers screams: "Hammmmmy!"
From her cage MC Hamster begins to sing.
She sings:

"I could be a sheepdog
If I had a taily
I could chase cats around the garden all day
No I don't think I'd like that
And I could leave pieces of apple in your belly button and bits of carrot in your armpits
Now that would be crazy
And you could tell your friends in England you'd like that
And I know how Robert Browning must have felt
Because I'm feeling the same way about you
Wondering what you're doing
Is everything okay
Do you still disapprove of Southpark to occupy your mind
Am I being too unkind
Will the chief still bust your ass
If you don't take down the meths lab on Malavista
Oh and by the way
How's your broken heart today
Is that mended too
Mines not
I love you
I really do."

It's impossible to stay angry with the hamster for long when she sings like that.


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