The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Monday, November 02, 2009

a russkie in dublin


By Irina Kuksova

I'm trying to organize a wedding dinner in Italy for an Irish friend. I'm paying the price for showing off and mentioning that I speak Italian and I am well familiar with local traditions. Since that unfortunate move I've been Googling 'ristoranti' and digging up exquisite menus from the Internet jungle. Finally, I found that perfect venue and that perfect menu. Trembling with excitement, I dart to my friend… Only to discover how wrong the whole dinner is.

Firstly, neither tea nor coffee for the 'aperitivo'. Just some lousy champagne and fruit cocktails. What will guests think! I mark that and sigh at a thought of people drinking hot tea when the temperature is at merciless  +35 C.

Secondly, the main course only has zucchini as a side dish. Where are carrots? Potatoes? Some people won't even know what zucchini look like and will think it's a cucumber – and still won't eat it! Shrimps in champagne? It's a bloody joke.

Lastly, I was given a quote of 5 euro per head to have a "free bar" (the newlyweds make a serious deposit in advance so that their guests don't have to pay for any of their drinks for the whole night). "Do those people know who they are dealing with?" says my friend. By the look in her eyes I can tell – NO, they have no idea. The restaurant will go bankrupt after this wedding.

I'm still slaving away trying to 'Irishize' this wedding party in Italy. I rationalize that it is a great training in international communications. But a traitor thought springs up now and then – why don't I just bring them to an Irish pub?


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