in the chamber of secrets

A secret laboratory in Dublin.

I suppose at least some of what they do there might not be against the laws of God and man.

My cousin Z is adjusting a dial on a complicated looking didgeridoo.

Potions bubble nearby.

"How are things Heelers?" she wonders absently.

I shrug.

"The faith of our fathers is being attacked by liberal atheist cadres hiding out in the judiciary and the media," I told her. "They're forcing honest men to step down in disgrace. It's a pogrom really. They're trying to lodge the blatently false notion in the public mind that the church is an abusing institution and that she is an institution which habitually conceals child abuse. At the same time drug gangs have taken over our cities. Racketeers are shooting and stabbing people in the streets. The police are terrorising the general public at the side of the road while doing nothing about organised crime. In fact the police have just published falsified figures claiming that the crime rate is actually dropping. I suppose they might argue it's dropping since they didn't bother to do anything about Sean Fitzpatrick's corruption at Anglo Irish Bank. I mean if they just ignore the crimes, maybe they think that means the crimes don't exist. Meanwhile the liberal Judges who are striving to destroy the church are themselves releasing murderers and psychos into the community on bail. In cases involving drug dealers, the Judges simply refuse to impose the mandatory ten year sentence. While the public are distracted by false media accusations about abuse in the church, child abuse rages out of control in the general community. Porno culture dessicates a generation of young people leaving them hopelessly sexually incontinent. Rape is off the scale. Our corrupt kleptocratic Fianna Fail government continues to borrow billions to bribe the State sector for votes. Civil servants, nurses, teachers, nice middle of the road people, have caused our national debt to double in one year with their ridiculous extortionate pay scales. That's even before we factor in the debts run up the banks. The government is compelling the citizens to pay the banks' gambling losses for them. Two hundred thousand Muslims have infiltrated the country with a view to establishing Islamic rule here. They're flying in to Jim Mansfield's aerodrome because there's no customs or passport control there. Fianna Fail and the liberal Judges just sat back and let them do it. This is a maelstrom of societal decay. There is a serious danger of civil war."

Z looked up.

"So you think things are pretty bad," she murmured.

I grinned.

"Not at all," I said. "Out numbered on all sides. Countless enemies ruthlessly trampling our traditions and our laws into the mire. Our nation teetering on the brink of calamitous oppression. Situation excellent. I'm attacking."