heeler the peeler's supernatural tales of yoikes and honey i think if the house wants us to leave we should just go

Falling asleep this morning about 7am.

I had been reading a book about supposed apparitions of the Blessed Virgin Mary in various parts of the world.

The book is called The Miracles Of Mary, and was written by Bridget Curran.

It's published in Ireland by Mercier Press.

I find the subject matter very interesting.

The accounts of apparitions at Pontmain, Beauraing and Banneaux bring a tear to my eye.

Some of the others are also pretty nifty.

Particularly Fatima and Lourdes.

Lourdes is a noteworthy apparition bold readers, not least because a Hollywood style film was made about it yonks ago, starring among others Vincent Price.

My point is that the film was made at a time when film making methods might seem fairly quaint by our standards today.

And for some reason it hasn't dated.

I would have thought it would have to be corny or twee or contrived.

But I challenge you.

See it.

And tell me I'm wrong.

There's just something about it.

Anyhoo.

The author of The Miracles Of Mary, Bridget Curran has reserved her judgement on the more recent claimed apparitions at Medjugorje whose witnesses aver that they are still underway.

Nor does she mention the interesting Spanish case at Garabandal in the 1960's which is dismissed as not genuine by many who believe in other apparitions.

My own assessment of these things must be taken in context with how much I would love the apparitions to be true.

When I have sought to devise a conspiracy theory around them, the only thing I could come up with, was some sort of hypnosis being used to induce visions by human orchestrators of what would amount to a pious fraud.

I postulated that a faction within Catholicism might have been seduced by the false idea of promoting the ancient faith through a lie.

The various visionaries, many of whom have been children, would then have been hypnotised to believe they saw the blessed mother at specific times and dates.

The faction would have had to operate across many countries where similar apparitions have taken place.

The faction would always have been under threat from any Christian within the conspiracy who suddenly decided that Jesus' proscription on lying meant even this sort of lying was untenable.

If such a conspiracy existed within the Catholic Church it would have to have been functioning for at least the past 200 years.

Could any conspiracy run for so long without someone breaking ranks?

And what are the limits of hypnosis?

Perhaps my whole conspiracy theory breaks down at the level of these limitations.

Can you hypnotise someone for a lifetime?

In any case a few nights ago, I mused aloud in the kitchen that the only way I could see the more impressive apparitions being fakes, was if the visionaries themselves had been hypnotised.

My Uncle Jim was present.

"There's no way Medjugorje is a fake," he chuckled.

"Why not?" said me.

"Because I saw it myself," quoth he.

"What did you see?" sez me.

"I saw the eucharist in the sky where the sun should have been," quoth he.

The eucharist is the communion bread which Catholic tradition teaches actually becomes Jesus during our church services.

I looked hard at my Uncle Jim.

"Could you have been hypnotised?" I asked him.

"If I was, so were thirty other people standing around me," he replied.

Back to the present moment.

It's 7am in the Chateau De Healy.

I am about to go asleep having been reading up on apparitions.

As I shut my eyes I ask the blessed mother Mary that if she wills it, to guide me to know in my inmost heart whether any or all of the apparitions I've been reading about are genuine.

"If you want me to know they're real," I prayed, "I'll be quite happy to know. I'll speak for them if you tell me to. I'll speak against them if that's what you want from me. And I'll happily stay quiet if you prefer."

I blessed myself with holy water.

As I shut my eyes I wondered what dreams might come.

A nightmare came.

Not such a terrible one.

I was able to pray to Jesus and Mary during it so the fear wasn't so great.

It was like one of those Korean ghost dreams which I've written about before.

I'm asleep.

I know I'm asleep.

There's an evil presence.

In this case the evil presence is endeavouring to smother me.

And still I say it wasn't the worst nightmare I've had.

Because I was able to pray all the way through.

I woke quickly.

As I woke I heard a sound.

It was a long low moan of pain.

Quite unearthly.

I got out of bed and ran into the hall.

The Dad joined me minutes later.

"Did you hear that?" I asked him.

"I did," he answered.

I did a quick tour of the house.

Nothing untoward.

I checked with the Mammy who was still in bed.

"Did you hear anything just now?" I enquired.

"Some sort of a cry," she said sleepily.

"What did you think it was?" sez me.

"It sounded like a cow," murmured the Mammy.

"What would a cow be doing in our house?" I persisted.

"I didn't care enough to get out of bed," rejoined the Mammy dismissively rolling over in the blankets.

I withdrew to the hall.

Flumped by the door Paddy Pup eyed me fondly.

"Was it you Paddler?" I mused. "Could you ever make a sound like that?"