The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Friday, October 05, 2012

one from the vaults


----- Forwarded Message -----
From: Dermot OGara <>
Sent: Wed, 27 Jul 2011 18:36:17 +0100 (IST)
Subject: Mailing list
Mr Healy,
At your request, and in consultation with Deputy Jack Wall, we have
removed you from our mailing list for the Kildare area.
We do not intend to communicate with you henceforth, and I would request
that you would not contact anybody from this office in future.
Dermot O'Gara
Labour Party Press Office
Heelers to Scruff...
How nice of you to finally stoop down from Mount Olympus and respond to my repeated requests over the past five years for you and your atheistic abortionist anti Catholic barstewards in the Labour Party to stop contacting me.
I'll miss your plaintive little missives from atheistic hell.
How strange, indeed lie-billious, of you to imply that I had ever at any time attempted to contact you or your office other than to tell you in the plainest possible language to stop contacting me.
Now after five years clogging up my in box with press releases about Michael D Higgins's latest poem or Jack Wall's latest foot path opening, you actually have the nerve to tell me not to attempt to get in touch with you.
Naughty, naughty, very naughty.
It beggars belief that a pissant little Labour Party apparatchik would dare to issue an instruction to me as to who I may or may not try to contact.
By the way, in describing you as a pissant little Labour Party apparatchik I know I am overstating your personal attributes and accomplishments.
It's called poetic licence.
Michael D Higgins will explain it to you.
In any case as a free citizen of the Republic of Ireland I will attempt to contact whomsoever I choose whenever I choose about whatever I choose.
You Labour Party representatives and staffers are supposed to be servants of the Irish people.
You are not in a position to issue edicts, or dictats, or petty instructions.
You are not dictators over us.
Not yet you're not.
Because of 1500 years of Chrisianity the Irish people are unlikely to bow to a bunch of cheap Marxist cast offs like you and the Labour Party any time soon.
We tend not to get too excited by your posturings even when you have the temerity to send us the most unctious and presumptuous communications which dare to imply we might want to know you.
It's unlikely I'll ever want to contact any of you.
I never have in the past.
You are beneath my contempt O'Gara.
So at long last it's Adieu from me to the Labour Party.
Adieu, adieu adieu.
To yieu, and yieu, and yieu.
Could you pass on my farewells to those great working class Labour Party heroes Prionsias De Rossa, Pat Rabbitte and Eamon Gilmore.
Is it true they spent the 1970's driving around Dublin in a battered Ford Cortina robbing banks in the name of the revolution and/or cheerleading for the old Soviet Union's attempted takeover of the world?
(Can I be sued O'Gara if I get the make of the car wrong?)
Now they squat in plush bottomed splendour in the Irish parliament, each drawing a hundred grand a year in salaries, plus a hundred grand a year in administrative expenses, plus another hundred grand a year for their travelling expenses, plus yet another hundred grand a year in pension contributions.
That's socialism I suppose.
Would you also pass on my fond farewells to Michael D Higgins whose scant parliamentary achievements have included publishing volumes of his own vacuous near worthless verse at tax payers' expense thereby compelling me and the citizenry through Arts Council funding to finance his insufferable maunderings (ie his poetry), while interestingly enough also simultaneously compelling me and the citizenry to finance his Bolshevick Irish language television channel TG4, and at precisely the same time compelling the entire nation to finance via cinema subventions from ye olde aforementioned State funding his leftist pal Gerry Stembridge's unwatchable films to the tune of tens of millions of pounds.
Not to mention Higgy's payment of a hundred million dollars of my money to long past it American director Roger Corman in order to set up a no hoper film studio in Michael D Higgins' bailiwick of the Back Of Beyonds. (Connemara surely? - Ed note)
A hundred million quid of tax payers money just so Roger Corman could postpone his retirement from exploitation flicks for a decade and Michael D Higgins could have his name printed on fifty unwatched movies as something he calls an Executive Producer.
(Executive Producer is a movie industry term to denote someone who has financed a a series of hopeless woefully inept low rent films with my money.)
The entire citizenry of Ireland got to be film makers, eh.
That is to say we all got to finance films made by Michael D Higgins' friends.
Any of those films make a profit?
No they did not.
Did Michael D Higgins get a (red) cent?
Oh Michael D Higgins and his friends were all well paid.
The enigmas endure.
Perhaps my fondest memory of Michael D Higgins will remain his squiring around Dublin of the terrorist dictator Danilo De Saavedra De Ortega of Nicaragua.
The same dictator was later accused by his adopted daughter of raping her repeatedly throughout her childhood.
Michael D Higgins never could quite bring himself to disown his child raping terrorist pal, could he?
Althought Michael D Higgins  has been most vociferous in this age of societal wide child abuse sweeping every segment of the nation, most vociferous I say, in trying to propagate the malicious lie, the utterly malign untruth, the arrantly false notion in the public mind that most child abuse cases and the worst child abuse cases occur at the hands of priests.
That's socialism I suppose.
Well O'Gara, I must be going.
You are beginning to bore me.
I almost forgot.
Please also give my very best regards to Ruairi Quinn our new Minister for Education. Gonna seize all the Catholic schools is he? Gonna run em in the name of Chairman Mao will he?
Tell me O'Gara.
Does it ever trouble you that a grown man like Ruairi Quinn deliberately cuts his hair and beard to make himself look like Lenin, yet another mass murdering terrorist dictator?
I mean if a teenager did it, we'd be worried.
But a grown man.
Ho hum.
Strange too that Ruairi's brother Lochlainn should be a Board Member of collapsed gangster financial institution Allied Irish Bank. Strange that Lochlainn should have 30 million spare quid in his back pocket for buying vineyards in France. What exactly was AIB paying him for? I thought Board Members, even Boshevick leftist atheistic abortionist Labour Party supporting Board Members, were paid for preventing companies going bust. Yet after all those years of declaring profits through accountancy tricks we suddenly discover AIB has a debt of billions, a sum that can literally never be repaid.
So now the Irish people are gonna take up the tab,eh?
The Irish people are going to bail out Ruairi Quinn's brother's bank.
And Ruairi Quinn's brother will of course get to keep his vineyard.
That's socialism I suppose.
And we thought we'd voted for an alternative to Fianna Fail kleptocracy.
I'll tell you.
You scum are going to collapse the economy and the nation worse than the Fianna Failers.
And that's saying something.
At least the Fianna Failers had souls.
One more thing.
I don't wish to detain you.
But will you give my fondest and most sincere farewells of all to Jack Wall, the great Mumbly Joe of South Kildare.
If I'm not mistaken, Jack Wall at one time held seats in no less than three different elected chambers all at the same time.
And of course he drew a salary for all of them.
And he drew extensively on those kickbacks which are euphemistically referred to by the invidious political class as travelling expenses.
Athy Town Council, Kildare County Council, and the Irish parliament, wasn't it?
I know that Saint Padre Pio is supposed to have been capable of bilocation but it takes the Labour Party to come up with tri location.
And didn't Jack claim in the region of 150 grand for travelling expenses to parliament alone one year recently?
Just for travelling up and down from Athy to Dublin?
He must have been eating an awful lot of crisps at the petrol stations.
And hasn't Jack's son Mark inherited one of his Daddy's local council seats.
It all smells a bit like dynastic succession to me.
That's socialism I suppose.
You tell Jack Wall from me.
You tell him O'Gara.
You tell Jack Wall that by siding with you atheistic scoundrels in your attacks on the Church, he has betrayed everything Ireland is or ever was.
You tell him from me.
Jack Wall can suck my hairy bawls.
Farewell to the Labour Party indeed.
Before I go.
One final question.
Did you people really appoint John Whelan to the Senate? Is it the same John Whelan who tried to make a name for himself by firing me from a now defunct newspaper called the Leinster Leader, and who was then dumped from the newspaper himself two weeks later? Is this the John Whelan who showed up on RTE television whining about the stigma of being unemployed? And you lot put him in the Irish Senate? This was the unkindest cut of all! You cosmic gobshites.
Well O'Gara.
I've delighted you long enough.
PS: It stands for F--- off and die.

(First published October 2011)


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