The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Thursday, July 26, 2012

snakes on a plane

The United Nations secretly organises a conference between Iran's Supreme Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini and three other influential religious leaders.
The idea is that the other religious leaders will discreetly prevail upon Iran without any loss of face to end its plans to develope and detonate atomic weapons in Israel and in Western Europe.
The three religious leaders joining Ayatollah Khomeini for the hush hush conference are the Dalai Llama from Tibet, the Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh from India, and Archbishop Diarmuid Martin from Ireland.
The discussions are so ultra secret that they are held on a plane flying in international airspace.
There is cabin crew.
In fact so secret are the talks that there is no one else on board at all except the pilot.
Things get off to a brisk start.
"If you abandon your nuclear weapons you will be an icon of peace to all humanity," promises the Dalai Llama.
"If you abandon your nuclear weapons you will be a love object for thousands of Hindu babes whom I will personally send to your palace," pledges the Bhagwan.
"If you abandon your nuclear weapons I er, I emm, er, well I won't accuse you of child abuse," urges Archbishop Diarmuid Martin lamely.
The Ayatollah leans back in his chair thoughtfully.
At that moment the plane goes into a steep dive.
The pilot comes on the intercom.
"We're going down," he screams calmly. "We've gotta lose weight or we all die."
The great religious leaders scramble to open the cabin door and throw every moveable object from the plane.
A howling gale buffets them as they chuck chairs, lights and fittings through the door of the now depressurised cabin.
"That's good," screams the pilot helpfully over the intercom. "But it's not enough."
The four great religionists look at one another.
There's nothing left to get rid of.
The Dalai Llama is the first to step forward.
"Long live the peaceful philosophy of Buddha," he cries and leaps from the plane.
"We're still going down," screams the pilot.
The Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh steps to the door.
"Long live the religion of free love," he intones and jumps into the void.
"Still not enough," screams the pilot.
The Ayatollah Khomeini steps to the door.
"Long live the Catholic Church," he roars and he chucks out Archbishop Diarmuid Martin.


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