sex and sexibility

My brother Raymond waylaid me in the hall.
"Bad news about the au pair," sez he.
"What bad news?"
"I think she's going to marry Lugnaquilla."
Lugnaquilla gentle readers is the name of a mountain in Ireland. It's also the nickname I have afixed to the au pair's latest beau.
I fixed my brother with a hard stare.
"Do you not think you could do something to help my chances with her?" I challenged. "I mean she works for you."
"Jim I'm a doctor not a miracle worker," shot back the brother Doctor McCoyily.
"Would you not feel a little kindred spirit and try putting in a kind word? I mean anything. Just do anything that you think might help," sez me with just a hint of desperation.
"I have already done something to help," quoth he.
"What have you done?" sez me.
"I have told you that you have absolutely no chance at all with her," said he exiting stage left.
The ghost of Tuco from The Good The Bad And The Ugly appeared beside me.
Together we shouted after my brother:
"Hey blondie... You know what you are... You're..."
Our final pejoratives were drowned out by the Ennio Moricone soundtrack going:
"Aaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"