The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Friday, December 12, 2014

ooh ahhh up the national lottery

Mid the brouhaha that has been drummed up this week over the terrorist rackateering IRA's infiltration of the judiciary, police, media, civil service and trade union movement in Ireland (You drummed it up Heelers - Ed note) perhaps we should spare a thought for another institution of Irish public life which appears to have suffered a modest Rah infiltration.
I refer of course to the national lottery.
The Americans ran into problems with mafiosi infiltrating, and sometimes running, their lottery systems.
The Brits, notably Sir Richard Branson, have claimed that mafia groups were involved in tendering and running some of Britain's lotteries.
Is Ireland any different when it comes to mafia scum stealing from the citizenry?
I think not.
The Rah don't rig the Lottery every week.
Just now and again.
Three cases folks among many.
1. A Limerick gangland family won a hundred million dollars in the Euro millions lottery.
2. A Rah man collected 2.5 million Euro in the National Lottery.
3. There is a third generic method by which my sources suggest the Rah may obtain the occasional Lotto win. Let's speak theoretically to avoid breaking the libel laws. Let us state that the case I am about to outline is fictional but illustrates a potential IRA methodology for rigging the Irish National Lottery. Here's what happens. A couple, whose near relative died in a fictional gangland shooting, ie his fictional gangland pals fictionally shot him on his fictional doorstep in my f--king fictional town, claim to have purchased the winning ticket in the lottery. The couple take a court case against the actual holders of the ticket who have no idea what numbers they picked and believe it is possible they were given someone else's ticket. Out of pure decency, the innocent people who actually hold the winning ticket agree to give the claimant couple half the two million Euro prize. Could such eventualities be orchestrated by unscrupulous Rah men? All that is necessary for this gangland scam to be workable, is for the couple making the claim to have an accomplice on the staff of the shop selling lottery tickets. That's the sole capital investment they have to make, aside from buying the odd lottery ticket. As soon as a big win comes out of that shop, they can claim to have been given the wrong ticket. Their accomplice on the staff can say: "Oh yeah I did give them to wrong ticket.I remember it all so clearly. I recall their exact numbers, and handing them the wrong ticket, and giving their very ticket to the people who won. I remember it all.. What can have come over me." And if the nice people who'd actually won the Lottery are nice enough, they might even divvy up half the prize right there and then without the need for the gangland couple to perjure themselves in court. And if they do go to court, why with all the judges on the Rah payroll, they might even win there.


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