The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Friday, August 21, 2015

ballindribble news

This weekend the little west of Ireland town of Ballindribble will celebrate its annual mid summer Wanker Festival (Water Festival surely - ed note) when gangland skangers will take a break from terrorising the community, drug dealing, people trafficking, rape and murder to air their Audis on main street, swagger around drunkenly, compare mohawks, and attempt to pose as regular citizens for a day.
The high point of the festival will be a race on the river involving gigantic rubber ducks floating downstream ridden by local worthies.
Jockeys for the ducks will include Sanchez the drug dealer, Kadorsky the corrupt cop and a coterie of buzzcut psychos from one of the town's more salubrious sink housing estates.
NB: Race participants will not be having relations with their rubber ducks.
Spectators can bet on which duck will win with proceeds being donated to the IRA, Al Qaeda and other eligible charities (ie mafias).

Footnote: Kadorsky will be having sex with his rabbit.


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