The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Monday, November 02, 2015

south kilcullen

There is a knock on the door.
James Healy, wearing a red bobble hat, opens the door.
On his doorstep is Gerry Adams, Martin McGuinness and some sinister hangers on.
Gerry and Martin are bedecked in traditional rappers gear so that they look like the American musicians styled Puff Daddy and Snoop Dogg respectively.
Their posse wear knitted balaclavas over their faces.
James exclaims: "Gerry Adams!"
Gerry says in his best soothingly gentle black man voice: "We hear you're refusing to read Sinn Fein's twenty bullet points for the next election..."
James says: "What the hell are bullet points anyway?"
Gerry Adams takes out his Glock pistol which has been reconditioned for him by the IRA cop killer in County Louth who specialised in reconditioning supposedly unusable IRA weapons for reuse by gangland up until the moment last month when he shot his moll, murdered a cop, and suicided himself.
Gerry Adams cocks the trigger.
Gerry Adams says: "What do you think they are bitch?"
Queue a chase scene with rap music and the Southpark song "Vote Or Die Motherf----r," segueing into the Benny Hill theme as per our normal arrangement.

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